Happy Halloween!

31 10 2008

Happy Halloween Everyone!!! (this post is in orange, in case you’re reading in reader) How’s Halloween so far? Well, ‘lissa and I didn’t find any ‘ween shirts last night, so I’m in a black v-neck (I know!  right?!) and my moonphase necklace. Thought I had “Wax Trax Black Box” Disc two in YOT, but alas… no “Everyday is Halloween” for me.  I settled for “Broken” by my boyfriend. In spirit of not having said CD, here is the video (well, I don’t know if it’s “THE” video, but whatever)

Oh, my costume, well, I am going as The Lion from Kenya.

Holy Crap!  Lions!

Holy Crap! Lions!

Well, like a lion-sheep hybrid as my costume is well, I think we’ll need to get video.





Costume Surprise (um, not sure if it’s a good surprise)

29 10 2008

Okay, so The Costume Dilemma 2008…
How to make my [costume’s] head big, really big, without adding weight.

Methods attempted:
– Make a pocket and stuff with pillow lining
– Use cardboard to create a suspension system
– Fold extra fabric inside
– Use some kind of wiring to make a circle to fur over

Giving up and thinking maybe I should just go as a ghost, I talked with an artist friend and he came up with a contraption involving coat hangers and glue and cardboard and well, I had to shelf the idea when I realized I did not have any metal hangers.
So, I had one of those strokes of genius and decided to cut individual pieces of the big part, wrap them in faux fur and arrange in a pattern.
VOILA!
SUCCESS!
AMORE!
Well, except my pieces don’t really look like the model/inspiration and some are REALLY big and just flop over.
I look a little bit more like a sheepises then a Trent Reznor.  That’s okay though, because with the assisting schtick, I should be okay.

In my defense, I was holding a glue gun (yes, I own AND USE a glue gun) and was gluing items to my skull.

And then I ran out of glue sticks.

So, I’m pretty much done at this point, less for tail attachment and glove attaching (which won’t happen  until Friday anyway)…

Now, to figure out how to finish Steve’s in a manner that will be acceptable to The World’s Most Nit-Picking Man*.

*Seriously… for his Sir Galahad costume, he “had” to make his shield and cross to the same proportions as in the movie; including positioning of pieces and proper holding techniques.





Letters Best Not Sent

28 10 2008

Inspired by Lucky’s Love Letters, I am so totally stealing the idea… switching gears from hiaku to “letters best not sent”, I present “Letters Best not Sent”.

Dear “Most Annoying Sabres Fan, Ever” Who Sits One Seat Up and Over,
S.T.F.U.

Dear Other Sabres Fans Section 308,
You’re in the 300s, they can’t hear you.

Dear “Most Annoying Sabres Fan, Ever”,
If you know so goddamn much about hockey, how come the NHL hasn’t called you to coach?

Dear Sassy Teenagers Who Wander Around Downtown When You Should be in School,
I recommend visiting The Rath Building.  That’s where the social services offices are located and I’m sure you’ll be there soon enough.

Dear Bald Guy Across the Building,
Do you have any idea how hard it is not to enter your office and rub my hand across your head to elicit a “squee squee squee” noise?

To the Sofa Salesman at Sofas Etc.,
First, when I ask to see information regarding the specifics of the sofa, it does not mean you give me warranty information.  Second, when I ask for information regarding the sofa, don’t nudge my husband and refer to me as “studious”.  Third, we’re buying a sofa, not a car.  Please don’t ask us to “make an offer” and you’ll take it to your manager.  Do you think we’re stupid enough to overpay for a piece and then have you lower the price only to “add on” the warranty.  P.S. the statute for cushion warranty in NY is five years, not seven.

(repeat from Lucky’s post)
Dear Co-Worker With a Case of Overshare,
Please do not tell me about your period.





Two Things: “Why We Have a Dog” and “Sometimes Jokes Aren’t Jokes”

27 10 2008

Why We Have a Dog

After an evening of poor, poor judgment, I awaken in the bathroom, dehydrated and cotton-mouthed.  I call out, “Steve.”  A few minutes later… “Steve!”  After no response (the man can sleep though anything) “STEVE!”
“Muh?”
“Can you get me a glass of water and a straw please?”
“Um, I’m having a bit of hard time myself.”
“Oh.”
“I have some gatorade though.”
“I don’t think I should get up.” I say.  “Can you give it to Bailey and she can bring it to me?”
“Bailey, get down.  No.  Down.  Get down.  Take nice.  No, get down.  Come here.  Take nice.  nice.  It’s okay.  Good girl.  Go show mommy.”
“Beeze!  Whatchagot?”
In comes Bailey with a bottle of sweet delicious gatorade, which she drops on my blanket.

Sometimes Jokes Aren’t Jokes
We often joke about the chinese food place we frequent.
Actually, we joke about every chinese food place, because that’s how we roll.
I finally feel like I’m ready to face the world after sleeping on the sofa all day and we head out to pick up some AV equipment with the intention of hooking up with some wonton soup.
We’re in the plaza across from chinese food place and I mention that it looks dark [at the restaurant].
We drive over and there is a sign on the door, “Close Today”.
Frantic, we find another CFP and joke that our CFP must have been serving cat.
This morning, I’m listening to the radio while getting dressed and I hear that our CFP is closing due to (wait for it) the butchering of a deer.
The Health department isn’t sure if it was roadkill or what, but less to say, um…. yeah…





Today’s Internal Conversation: Apres Work

23 10 2008

Following is another “rationalizing” conversation I’m having with myself regarding what to do after work.

  • Go to the gym!
  • Go home make dinner, make pumpkin cookies and finish the basement.
  • I told you to go the gym.
  • No.
  • YES!
  • You can work out with Gilad this afternoon.
  • You could use that gym membership you’re already paying for.
  • Meh.
  • Why bother charging your iPod if you’re not going to use it?
  • Just not feeling, gymmie.  Did you see how much weight I’ve lost WITHOUT the gym.
  • Is that an excuse?
  • Yes.
  • Go for cardio.
  • Hmmmm… but, um, the gym is so crowded!
  • And?
  • damn it.
  • It’ll be forty-five minutes out of your day, you can go home, shower and give your owl pants a proper reception.
  • That does sound awfully tempting.
  • See?
  • And then I can stop having internal discussions about going to the gym.
  • Remember that you already packed your clothes in the trunk.
  • That’s true, I did…

SOLD.

Looks like I’ll be re-acquainting myself with Various Contraptions of Evil prior to ruining baking pumpkin & cream cheese cookies.
(can you believe I’ve been here over a month WITHOUT bringing in some confectionery disaster?!)





Just Saying

23 10 2008

If you walk up to my desk and start talking and I turn away or start typing/reading/filling out forms/making notes, it means I don’t want to talk to you.
It’s not that I’m overwhelming busy, it’s just that you talk in constantly talk in pronouns and it drives me mad.

Just Saying.

Also, bitching all week about [your lack of money] and then telling me that you’ve started holiday shopping only makes me less tolerant.

Just saying.





Cartoon Stephanie Deals with Dumb Weather

22 10 2008

(transaction complete)