Friday, October 19, 2001
It’s been one of those days.
While I did find my 311 sweatshirt, there was a HUGE patch of kitty fur right over the logo. I think I found out where the kitties have been burrowing in my closet.
Meanwhile, it seems like almost everyone I’ve talked to took either their A) stupid pill and/or B) combative pill this morning with their cornflakes. Seems like people just want to pick fights or they have no clue what the hell is going on. Makes me want to crawl back into bed with hot chocolate and my new CD clock radio.
In other news, well. I don’t know if there’s other news really.
I was expecting a package from a friend on Tuesday, and it’s still not here (it may be, but I’m not home to check). I re-ask him if he out a return address on it, if it’s leaking, if it has wires sticking out of it… If people stole it out of my door, they’d just get a disposable camera, some drunk frat pictures and a card.
Which reminds me, people steal stupid things.
Like: My parents had a sitter for me back in the day, and they stole (of all things) family pictures and 8mm videos. I also had my car broken into last year. Did the thief take my jacket? No. Did the thief take my rollerblades? No. Did the thief take my speakers? No. Did the thief take my radio? No. He took my ashtray with about 75 pennies in it.
He also stole some of my sense of security.
Saturday, October 20, 2001
Thank you Hallmark.
Now I have another holiday where I can be miserable due to my current relationship situation.
Everyplace (with the exception of JoAnn Fabrics) was swarming with couples.
Picking out lettuce together.
Laughing at the names of cheese products.
And there I was, with my overfilled hand basket, lugging myself around the grocery alone, because my boy would rather watch kung-fu all day then compromise a bit of time to help me pick out cold cuts.
I am very sad.
Monday, October 22, 2001
So it’s been really un-seasonable here in Buffalo for the past three days, but by Thursday it’s supposed to be about 40 degrees.
And people are complaining.
To them I say: “Hello? It’s October. What did you expect?”
These are the same people who complain in December that it’s too cold and complain in July that it’s too hot.
Move someplace where the weather is the same all year and stop ruining it for the rest of us.
But if you don’t do it, you’re testing me.
Tuesday, October 23, 2001
Who would have known that I live in such a hotbed of spiritual activity?
My physic (sp?) friend came over last night and was over till 1215am.
We had quite a time traipsing though my house, pointing out the things that lived there (besides the cats) and it was determined that I have a very active house.
On one hand, that’s pretty cool.
On the other hand, there’s 2 somethings in the house that are rather aggressive and I’m at my wits end.
The last thing I want/need to do is spook the spooks.
So now, I’m hell-bent on finding out who all lived in my house and what the heck happened to them.
I like the research ALOT more then I was expecting. There’s something comforting about gliding across the records room at the county building, knowing that there is so much history there, I can feel it.
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming…
It’s been a shitty morning.
I stepped on the cat, who now wants to kill me more.
I forgot my purse, then my lunch, then my fork.
I hit all the red lights.
And my coffee still hasn’t kicked in.
Thursday, October 25, 2001
“I’ll bring you flowers, in the pouring rain. Living without you, it’s driving me insane…”
Some song I have been listening too a lot lately.
It’s on “DJ Scribble Essential Dance 2000” (if you’re interested). Sure, it has a few crappy songs on it, but that what the program button is for.
Reverting… I remember when I used to feel like Flowers.
I sometimes wonder where these things go.
Things have changed.
I can’t tell if it’s good.
We have a 50 gallon drum of flour (yes, like baking flour) in our attic.
We joked that the attic spirit is a transsexual, anal retentive, diva chef from another dimension.
Maybe if we moved the flour to the kitchen, it [spirit] will leave.
Seemed like a good idea, until it came downstairs and wanted to talk.
Friday, October 26, 2001
I’d a CD junkie. I’ll buy a CD and listen to it for hours on end. It’s [whatever CD it is then] is the best CD out at the time.
But then, like a week later, I can’t bear to listen to it… and then I go ruin the whole thing.
ANThology is the CD of the now and I’m expecting a shoe to the back of the head any time now if my co-workers have to listen to “Movies” one more time.
Monday, October 29, 2001
Life isn’t really dealing me a fair hand.
Not like it ever really has before…
So anyways, half of this is my fault, but the way I feel now… well, I guess that’s my fault too.
You know those people that just make you get all fluttery?
Not like the aforementioned Mr.First, but like, that one person that makes you sit down and analyze just where the plan went awry?
Yeah, that person.
Now, I call him Mr. Door (everyone has nicknames).
Mr. Door and I happen to show up at this event.
It’s a common event and it’s not like it’s a shock to run into Mr. Door.
Last time Mr. Door said hi to me and told me his girl had his babe, that was about it.
This time, Mr. Door showed me pictures of said baby, and didn’t shy away when I peeked in for a closer look.
Mr. Door sat next to me and talked to me.
Then Mr. Door actually talked to me (exclusively) for a while after the event.
I felt Mr. Door picking me out of the crowd. I was in rare form, but, nothing he hadn’t ever seen.
After 3 years, Mr. Door actually looked me in the eyes.
Never before had that happened.
Before I left, he wished me luck in my endeavor and said that he will see me again.
Why do things happen when they do?
What is happening in the world that would bring this about?
I can’t make heads or tails of it and my poor over-broken heart won’t stop screaming.
Tuesday, October 30, 2001
So I had this dream.
The only part that is really relevant-
My boy, a group of girls and I go into a mechanics shop and they have a “Way Back” machine (if that’s not my subconscious, I don’t know what is) that the mechanic offers to let my boy use.
Now, he can go back to anytime he wants.
He wants to go back 20 minutes.
Out of all of history.
Now I wonder what he did 20 minutes ago.
Thursday, November 15, 2001
#25148 on the list of Things That Piss Stephanie Off:
People who forward things to you without reading to see if you were included in the mailing in the first place. growl.
Friday, November 16, 2001
I checked out that Hollywood Diet at Rite Aid.
And I have a secret… I know how it works. It’s right on the label…. “Do not take alcohol, drugs or food while on this diet”. Now I must go spread the work. mu ha haha.
Thursday, November 29, 2001
(Note from 2008: this was when the boyfriend-at-the-time and I were going through our umpteenth break-up. He was living at my house, driving me batshit crazy and tomorrow, I’d meet Steve; who would change my life forever.)
Monday, December 03, 2001
Stephanie’s Casting Call (in convenient list form)
– Wake up 3 hours late
– Drive 2 hours in gridlock
– Change into heeled boots (these shoes aren’t very comfy)
– Climb up 6 flights of stairs
– Fill out a form
– Have Polaroid taken
– Crawl down 6 fights of stairs
– Decide to go check out Toronto, and get lost
– End up walking on the other side of the city
– Find the car
– Drive 2 hours home
(Note from 2008: I didn’t get the part in Tea Party’s “Angels” Video. They said it’s because I wasn’t Canadian and I knew it’s because I was overweight.)
Wednesday, December 05, 2001
In quite possibly one of the weirdest post-relationship conversations to date, the former is applying for an apartment;
Landlord: So, is she [looks at me] moving in too?
Landlord: If she was. she’d have to be on the app too.
Former: she’s not.
Me: I’m not.
Landlord, looking at former: oh.
Like, because I’m there, we have to be a functional unit.
Does everyone draw that assumption? Girl and Guy at the same place have to be dating?
(feeling like an episode of Sex and the City)
Friday, December 14, 2001
Rock and Roll Will Save Your Soul
I’m driving home last night and on the dedicate-some-song-to-someone hour on the classic rock station…
announcer “What can I play for you man?”
Guy “well, my girlfriend was saving all this money and she brought a new car. Well, I told her that I’d change her brakes for her, and they were frozen, so I took the butane torch to them and ended up toasting [WNY speak for “big ball of crispy fire”] her whole car.”
announcer “You torched your girls car?”
Guy “yeah. So can you play, ‘Jamies Crying’ by Van Halen, her name is Jamie and I need to get on her good side.”
It’ll take a lot more then just a song to make up for torching her car man.
And to think, I was pissed when Former busted my calipers.
Monday, January 07, 2002
I had a great weekend so lets start with that.
On Friday, I picked up a gallon of Behr paint so I could start redecorating my room.
See, the plan was to start a wall, see if the old color (a gacky shade of pink) bled though, all before He shows up.
I get in, and went straight for the bottle of Jack Daniels.
Before I know it, it’s like, 11 and He’s at the door.
So we order some wings and go to the bar to pick them up… well, while at the bar, we do shots.
Time to pass out and before I know it, it’s Saturday afternoon.
I needed to go mattress shopping (not to mention taking a shower) and by then it was night.
I couldn’t stay up too late because Sunday I went skiing…
Seeing as I haven’t been on skis since 1995, I think I did pretty good.
My body has begun to disagree and it’s letting me know.
So then we head back to my place, mainly because I live about 5 minutes from where He works, which is a good thing, he had to be to work at 6am.
Thankfully I was able to get back to sleep after He left.
Trying to get to work was another story:
My car was plowed in so it took a lot of rocking to get it out.
But coffee was on sale (yeah!).
I get to work and my queue is packed.
Then my dealership calls, and the DMV is rejecting my paperwork. I go ballistic on my salesman.
I filed a complaint at the Better Business Bureau; nothing has gone right with my transaction since November.
3 hours later, I’m still placing service calls when Former calls and asks me to take him to the hospital because his nose has been bleeding since last night.
2 hours later, I get back to work and my queue is still packed.
It beats the alternative.
(Note from 2008: I used to drink JD? )
(Note from 2008: I used to stay up until 11?)
(Note from 2008: I should have told Former (we worked together) to have his girlfriend take him to the hospital. I hope I’m not that much of a doormat anymore.)
Monday, February 18, 2002
Is it THAT important?
My co-worker and I were discussing marriage the other day.
Now, I’m rather non-traditional and non-child-wanting, and he’s all Jesus Fish.
We determined that now is the time to become “serious” about dating… at least for him.
See, we’re almost 23, and here’s what we think:
Meet someone (age:23)
Date for a year and a half to 2 years (age: 24)
Propose (age: 24)
Plan Wedding (age:25)
Get Married (age: 26)
Enjoy marriage (age: 27/28)
Have kids (age: 28/29)
Watch kids grow up (age: 46, assuming the kid is 18 and you had them at 28)
Now that’s assuming that you’re not marrying to get married or marrying because she’s got a Bun in the Oven (nudge nudge wink wink).
Kinda puts it all in perspective don’t it?
Glad I’m not concerned about being a spinster.
(Note from 2008: Holy crap, I was proposed to when I was 24, planned and got married at 25 and we’re talking kids around 30. Cue twilight zone music.)
Monday, March 11, 2002
I love it when I can be wittier then someone else…
me- (kissing him) you taste sweet… who have you been kissing? (giggle)
him- Elsie (that that’s the puppy)
me- mmmmmmmm, tastes like puppy.
him- that’s sooooo wrong! No!
him- well, that whole thing backfired…
me- I like puppy!
Wednesday, March 20, 2002
So, my boyfriend leaves Friday at 1am to go on Spring Break until April 4th.
I’ve invited him over and I’m making chicken pot pie and cupcakes.
Actually, I’m making the cupcakes (with pudding inside), tonight but I’m not looking forward to it.
Making them just means I’m closer to saying goodbye.
I have, however, decided that I’m going to wait on spilling the beans; unless he does it first.
If I feel this way when he comes back, I will tell him.
I just don’t want to regret it either way.
I expect me to spill before he goes.
Be strong, Be strong.
Friday, March 22, 2002
I didn’t tell him how I feel.
I feel good about it.
Ends up that I had some funky dream (yeah, like that’s uncommon) and in the dream, I told him, and it went less then fabu… I believe there was laughing and the “smothering” end.
Of course, if he tells me before he leaves today, then I’m going to reciprocate.
Two weeks without him will prove the pudding.
I like pudding.
Tuesday, May 07, 2002
How I fell asleep last night… thinking about:
I fell victim to Big Hair.
When I was in eighth grade (early 90’s), my two best friends and I would try and see who could get the biggest hair.
I was captive to The Wave.
For those of you who don’t know about The Wave or have chosen to forget.. it consisted of teased and heavily hairsprayed bangs.
My bangs were so big and stiff, that they would pivot, 90 degrees, like a giant sculpture on the top of my head, while the rest of my hair breezed around in the wind.
Alison and I used to go to the dollar store, and get this hairspray that must have been made from some polymer/glue thing… I’d fall asleep and wake up to my bangs just the way I left them.
My 8th and 9th grade pictures are horrendous and embarrassing, as I was deep in the sticky love embrace of Big Hair.
Later, we will discuss the tight-pants-oversized-top and other fashion catastrophes I have been a part of.
Thursday, May 16, 2002
So what, is it like you conquered something?
Today, my ex decides that I need to know that he’s dating again.
I don’t need to know that.
I really don’t even care.
He’s one of those people who tell something then expect to hear something in return.
I, on the other hand, have decided to keep work and personal life separate this time .
Get over it
I’m still all pissed.
It’s like, he’s proud and telling me that he’s dating is supposed to evolve into some pudding covered catfight.
Or maybe he’s hoping for one of those wind-swept, “oh! you were right! however did I go six months without you?!”.
Maybe I’m thinking too hard.
I knew he was with her. I played dumb when he asked, hoping maybe that he’d pull one of his infamous, “neverminds”.
I think he was with her before I was through with him… doesn’t really matter though, being as we were just being courteous for the last 6 months of the “relationship” anyways.
Damn you evil thoughts and your headaches.
But you know what?
They will never be as compatible or as blazingly independent as my sweetie and I.
Besides, we’re cuter 🙂
Friday, June 21, 2002
if I were a commercial
If you were made into a commercial, what would it be like?
There’s a dark club… and some kick ass techno playing… people are partying… there I am… up at the bar… Corona in hand… bopping… I squeeze in to get another beer, and a group of attractive males buzz around me … and the announcer says, “Introducing, the Stephanie s-series Dork … small enough for a bar, but larger then life”.
Tuesday, June 25, 2002
Sleep induced Ode to Grape Nuts
sorry for the caps… really, if I was more awake…
GRAPE NUTS. GRAPE NUTS. YEAH. THEY STAY CRUNCHY FOR QUITE A WHILE… THEN THEY TURN UBER-SOGGY LIKE OATMEAL…. GRAPE NUTS. GRAPE NUTS. IF YOU DON’T LIKE THEM SO HARD YOU CAN MICROWAVE THEM FOR 45 SECONDS ON HIGH AND ADD SOME HONEY. YEAH!
Thursday, July 25, 2002
CAPPY: ODE TO BLIZZARDS
WHEN YOU WANT A COOLISH TREAT, ONE TO HELP YOU BEAT THE HEAT, BUT YOU’RE MILES AWAY FROM A SEVEN ELEVEN, LET ME TELL YOU OF THE CONCOCTION FROM HEAVEN.
IT’S CALLED A BLIZZARD, BLIZZARD, ONE OF A KIND… IT’LL STEAL YOUR HEART AND FREEZE YOUR MIND.
YOU CAN HAVE IT WITH CUSTARD OR WITH ICE CREAM, YOU CAN HAVE IT WITH NERDS, OR WITH A HEATH.
BUT ONE THINGS FOR SURE, THEY SURE ARE TASTY.
eat your heart out Snapple Guy
Thursday, August 29, 2002
fell right into that one…
I invited boyfriend out for dinner… he said he’d see how he felt, which in boy-speak means, “I don wanna”.
So calls me last night, I ask him about meeting out, he says he doesn’t really want to, but he invites me over… I had to go to Penny’s anyways, so I figured what the hell.
I head over and he’s downstairs, awake (the shock), and I flop over his middle (plus sign style) and he’s grinning like a Cheshire cat.
I tell him that I got him sheets, if he wants them.. if not I’ll take them (more idle conversation).
He tells me that he brought me something too… which I saw when I came in, but I never assume that anything is for me… he got me this stunning bouquet of lillies, and carnations and some other flowers I don’t know in a vase, which is the color of the glasses we liked in Mexico (note to self, check to see if that was intentional).
“Did I miss something?” I ask.
“Is this because I’m so charming?!” I smile.
“Okay. What’d you do?”
“Nothing! I just wanted to be nice.”
And you know very well that I can’t leave flower in the car all day.
Girls, eat your heart out 🙂
Wednesday, September 11, 2002
Name any day of the year and I’d say that the chances are high that I can’t tell you any detail about what I did or where I was.
There is one day that I remember so clear, that at times, I can’t believe its been a year.
I was working the 11a-8p shift, so when the radio alarm went off at 9:04 I thought, “That’s a sick fucking joke to play.” And hit the snooze button, hoping that in 6 minutes, some trite pop song would be playing and there would be hordes of angry callers saying, “Its not right to scare people like that!”.
On one count I was right, that “Fill me In” song was one, which, up to the moment was slightly tolerable.
Then, about a minute into the song, the station broke in to say that a second plane had hit the tower.
I was stunned.
From the announcers voice, I knew this wasn’t any type of prank, no matter how much I wished it was.
I was numb in the shower.
Former is from NYC so he was in more of a daze then I.
We drove into work, silent, listening to the radio, hoping that something would change.
Pulling into the garage, we heard about a collapse.
“It’s just the top right?” I said.
“Yeah, that’s what it sounds like.”
“I mean, the whole thing can’t fall down can it?”
“No, it has to be just the top.”
Parked the car, walked into the office.
There was a TV on in the back room, and you could hear the fear in the casters voices.
Then we found out, it wasn’t just the top.
I sat at my desk, the daze deepening.
I felt like I kept driving around a car accident… I knew that I should be working, shouldn’t keep looking at msn and watching airplanes going into buildings, but I couldn’t stop.
It had to be fake. It wasn’t happening. It had to be some bad nightmare, where in a few minutes, the radio would come on and I’d hear mindless drivel about the announcers kids.
The phones were quiet that day.
I had to call a tech in PA, near the field, and the woman was warblely, “I think we’re going to go home early today. Yeah, we’re going to go home now.” She said, monotone, robotic.
My parents were in Michigan, visiting my mom’s parents.
I finally got through on the cell phone, leaving a tearful, croaky message of, “Just wanted to let you know I love you.”