Thoughtful Thursday

20 01 2011

Here are some things which have been rolling around in my brain:

* The best plan is a loose plan
*Motherhood has made me calm the f down (well, after all the near-dying-crazy-hormone-drama ceased)
* People who make baby clothes probably don’t have a baby
* I never realized how I take simple things for granted, such as realizing I have hands, rolling over, bladder control…
* God bless the inventors of washing machines, cell phones, laptops and e-mail subscriptions
* I live in a culture of excess
* YOT’s lease is up in two weeks and I haven’t even considered looking at new vehicles
* Vanity is a selfish reason to not to do something
* My instincts are more right than ever
* Meals are best enjoyed warm. Beer is best enjoyed cold. I am lacking both simple pleasures.
*You get what you pay for and if your therapist isn’t totally covered by your insurance, it may be worth paying for.
* Some bands/artists I do not like: ELO, Bon Jovi, Bruce Springsteen, The Eagles, John Melloncamp (all incarnations), Celine Dion





Notes

15 04 2010

Dear Lady Crossing Pearl Street this morning,
You know when is the best time to check for items in your purse?
I’ll give you a hint, it’s not when you’re in the middle of crossing a street.

Dear Tailgater in Front of Me,
Stop signs are for everyone. Stopping with the car in front of you does not qualify as stopping.
P.S. It’s called a blinker, learn it. Use it.  Love it.

Dear Personal Space Invaders,
When a pregnant lady has her bump on display, it does not give you the right/liberty/freedom to touch her belly. Maybe she’s just tired of wearing baggy clothes all the time.

Dear Drive-Through Boxes,
If I say I don’t want a combo meal*, please do not ask me if I want fries and a drink with my sandwich.

Dear Tim Hortons,
20 minutes fresh doesn’t apply to decaf?

Dear Parking Lot Patrons,
Parking like a civil human being is one of your duties. I doubt anyone wants to hit your 1994 Grand Marquis.

Dear Bailey,
Please stop rolling in whatever you’re rolling in out in the yard. It stinks and will only result in more baths for you.

*Typically a sammich, fries and a beverage.





The Kindness of Strangers

4 03 2010

Yesterday, after mid-afternoon running about, we sat down for a nice dinner at Melting Pot*.

Were enjoying the spicy “appetizer” fondue, there was a couple at the table across from us  flip-flopping on what to get and I had the impression that this wasn’t the place for them.
Steve and I are laughing and enjoying the experience and the couple comes up to our table. I figured they were coming to see what we were eating or to ask for advice.
The lady walked up to Steve. “Here are two gift cards, we won’t use them. Please, take them. Enjoy them!”
We were awestruck. “Are you sure?”
“Yes! Yes! PLEASE, take them!”
“Well, thank you very much.” I’m sure we sounded as bewildered as we looked.

In between courses, I opened the envelope.
There were two $25 gift cards enclosed. FOR REAL.
Our jaws dropped.
With the $25 coupon I had from my gift card and the $50 in random mystery cards… Dinner was VERY affordable.

Plus, it’s 12 hours later and I’m STILL full. Not to mentioned baffled.

*My last fondue experience, in France, culminated with a French woman instructing me, in French, that I was doing it all wrong. American Fondue Cooking is QUITE different than French Fondue Cooking.





Revolution of the Earth

12 02 2010

Is it just me or is there a disproportionate amount of “interesting characters” to “normal slubs” today?

Onto the topic at hand…
If the weather is inclimate (or cold, or I’m feeling lazy), I’ll take the train*.
There’s certain nuances I’ve learned about how the trains work. For example, trains leave the end station on the tens. There is also a train specific traffic light at the main stations, which when blinking green means that the train is preparing for departure. To me, this condition is akin to watching the other directions traffic light at an intersections; when theirs turns yellow, you will be moving soon…

ANYWAY, last week, this regular is all puffy and out of breath because she ran to catch the train (let’s ignore the fact that she had to run past 2 other cars to board the first car), exclaiming to her co-workers that the train is leaving early.
“But Sally**, it’s 8!”, comments one of her co-workers.
Sally retorts, “Not according to my car’s clock!”

Hello, NFTA, do you not schedule your departures according to Sally’s car clock?!
How could you!

Yes, this is the current train car system... some are newer, but 1984 called, they'd like their train back

Today, the train left on time.
Did you know, that trains have to obey traffic signals?
Because I did. Sally (yes, the same) does not.
Slightly out of the station, there’s a car/train intersection and the train had the red light.
Clearly Sally thought that the train was a non-stop way into work.
Exasperated, “WHHHHYYYY is the train stopping? WHAT is going ON?!?!”
Meanwhile, from the first car (which she ran, again, to catch), passengers can see the traffic lights.
You should have heard the noise from having to stop at the next intersection… “WHY isn’t the train going?! WHAT is happening.”

‘sall I could do to not throw my baffingly large tea at her.

Sally, the world does not revolve around you any more then it revolves around those people who think the train HAS to wait for them.
* by “train” I’m talking the subway which comes and goes to no where. And singularly lined.
** probably not her real name… I have my iPod turned up but I can read lips.





More Stuff

4 11 2009

While at the optician’s office yesterday (and that’s an EYE doctor for all of you on BumpWatch 09-10) there were two girls waiting for their  mom.
I say “girls” because the older one MAY have been 13 and the younger was between 9 and 11. What? I’m bad at guessing these things.
ANYWAY.
So, OlderSister was wearing mid-calf Uggs, leggings, a short demin skirt, ribbed long sleeve, puffy vest and a Burberry scarf. Did I mention she was like, 13? Yeah. Okay.
And YoungerSister was in skinny jeans, a sweater and blue patent loafers.
When did I get so old?!
O.S. askes Y.S. who she is going to dress up as for her party. “Because Nevaeh is going as Paris Hilton and Cole and Clayton are going as-”
And at that point, I stopped listening and starting wondering what their parents did for a living.
(Note, the eye doctor is in my building, which is downtown, kinda slumming it. Especially if you’re from Clarence/East Amherst. Momma must have known someone.)
For the record, I have ordered perscription sunglasses for the trip.

My tint is darker, but nice, right!

You did know I have bifocals right?
Yeah, someones genes thought it’d be funny to give my right eye a tendency to turn inwards when things are close.
The good news is that the new glasses/frames are covered but the doc doesn’t really want to give me a script for contacts WHICH ARE ESSENTIAL TO MY SOCIAL LIFE.

http://twitter.com/big_ben_clock
(you know you want to)

And in what is only a poor coordination on my sinus’ part… my fall allergies are acting up.
I have a dry (non-prodcutive) cough and a stuffy/runny nose. My voice is on it’s way out.
And my co-workers are looking at me like I have some kind of F.l.U. which may be making it’s rounds. Thus, I have to remind everyone who walks by when I cough that I am not spiking a fever, I have no aches (outside of the residul gym), my insides are where they should be… AND this happens EVERY YEAR.





Love Notes: Downtown Edition

27 10 2009

Dear Driver,
I know and you know that when I’m walking, I have the right-of-way.

Dear Driver,
When I wave you though the intersection, the least you can do is wave back.
I will remember your face, namely your scowl and next time, I will enter the intersection.

Dear Driver,
Believe you me… I want to get hit as much as you want to hit me.

Dear Driver,
Put down the cell phone  and realize that white outlined stop signs aren’t optional.

Dear Guy in the Library Who Tried to Pick Me Up,
‘Twas cute.
Your whole, “I seen you around and well, was wondering if you was single.”
However, girls who are dressed business-like and in a library are often sticklers for proper grammar.
Even if I wasn’t taken.
P.S.
Please stop stalking me from behind the spinner of New Young Adult Fiction.


Dear Driver,
Looking to your right while turning your wheel left, into a crosswalk and not using a blinker while a cop is across the street is not a good idea.
Bonus points because I was a couple feet from your car.
But I’m sure you’re really important and have good insurance.

Dear Driver,
Maybe I like walking.
It’s not like it’s -4 out. Yet.
Save your pity stares for the bum in front of Rite Aid.

Dear Mummerer,
Were you calling me “gorgeous” or was your Turrets acting up?
It’s hard to tell with you downtown folk.

Love,
Stephanie





What You Need to Hear

23 10 2009

PITA*, trying to be all small-talk: Hey.
me, typing a report: Hey.
PITA: How’s that [spec] book [that I gave you four days ago and is 200+ pages without any real information available] coming along?
me, typing: It’s coming along.
PITA: Yeah?
me, slightly annoyed: Yup.
PITA: Okay, I’ll come back in a little while then.
me: No. I’ll come to you when it’s preliminarily done.
PITA, shocked: Well. Okay then.

Yes, You.

Yes, You.

What is it with people not realizing that the more they bother the minions, the less miniony work gets done?!

*Pain In The Ass…





Stephanie Art Theatre Presents: WHY CAN’T YOU PEOPLE DRIVE?

15 09 2009

as detailed last year, there are only two fast-moving (read: not local streets) coming from Casa Mak to work.
I’ve been taking “Da two-ninedeen to da ninney to da one-ninney” because “five”* is too stop-and-go.
Well, with the start of school and everyone going back to work/college/rehab, da ninney has been PACKED.
I listen to traffic and weather in the morning, so I can adjust my route/clothing as appropriate. “Usual traffic build up on the ninety…”
So I head out to da two-ninedeen.

Typical Traffic Pattern

Typical Traffic Pattern

YOT and I enter the turn lane… and over in the exit lane is a woman looking quite distressed as if traffic should stop because don’t you know who she is?!
Anyway, this is what she did (and I should mention that those things that look like amoebas are actually other cars. Thus mounting evidence that I suck at drawing)

Where'd you learn that one?

Where'd you learn that one?

(typically, Maniac would have had to wait to cross into the opposing lane, but being very important, she drove on the wrong side of the road and cut behind YOT to get to the proper side of the road… you know, instead of using the intersection)

Further on, and by “further” I mean about a mile, I was greeted with tail-lights.
Typically, I don’t hit traffic until “da fourhunred innerchange at da ninney”… that section was about 5  miles up the road.
Meanwhile, another very important person, this time on a motorcycle, decided to drive on the shoulder (which is a no-no). “Damn it, those people never get caught! (number of swear words)”
A bit further up in the bumper-to-bumper, I see blue and red lights on the side of the road. And the motorcyclist at the side of the road, looking upset.
HAHA!

Finally, the traffic guy comes on and says that due to a lane closure on the ninety-to-da-one-ninety.
What?
That’s another 3 miles up the road!
Less to say, people evidently can’t read this sign and proceeded to make my 20 minute commute turn into an hour commute.

Merge, MF.

Merge, MF.

* for you non-regional dialectics, “Route 219 to Interstate 90 to I-190” and “Route 5”





Titles and Monikers, Oh My!

4 08 2009

(I may be sorry about the double posting, but mostly likely I am not.)

After seating a client in the conference room and providing him a glass of water, I hear this: “… have your girl out there make a copy of this…”

Girl?
GIRL?!
What am I? 12?

omg ponies and stickers and myspace!

omg ponies and stickers and myspace!

But then I thought about it… what WOULD I want to be referred to as?
“”… have your receptionist out there make a copy of this…” (Accurate)
“… have your lady out there make a copy of this…” (Too old)
“… have your admin out there make a copy of this…” (More Accurate)

Maybe “girl” is only okay amongst other people of the same age… kind of like The N Word… you can’t use it unless you’re part of the demographic.

So, reader(s) when you refer to someone, what moniker/title do you use?
What do you dislike being referred to as?
What do you prefer to be referred to as?





Cheap Hourly Rates

24 07 2009

After yet another  night of not sleeping well, Steve decides to be crafty and put something over the clock, an attempt to thawrt my near-hourly clock watching.

It worked for a while, but then I heard this howling noise… crazy howling.
If you’ve heard this howling, you know what I’m talking about…
CAT IN HEAT.

Cheep raytes

Cheep raytes

Someone, who I would enjoy having a stern talking to, decided that a cat in heat was too much for them to handle, so they let the cat out.
I have never in the six years we’ve been here, heard cats in heat… coincidentally, the previous squatter-drug-runner-house at the end of the street* finally sold and now looks like a used car lot. (note to self, take photos of house) Also, the White Trash (mullets anyone?) Has a number of  dogs and suddenly there are cats in the area… I digress.

Around 1 am, Steve and Bailey are snoring, I’m tossing around into the umpteeth position of the night and the howling started.
At first I thought it was kids in the park, but then I realized it was a cat.
Seeing as I was up anyway, I started to figure out how to [ethically] get the cat out from under my deck.

Option 1) Send out Bailey
Wait, I’d have to wake her up, get her downstairs and what if that cat has rabies and claws…

Option 2) Send out Steve
I’d have to wake HIM up and well, that probably wouldn’t happen.

Option 3) I could go out
No.

I walk to the window.
“mmmmrrraaawwwwww ooooohhhhhrrrraaawwww eeerrrrooommmeeehhh”
“REALLY?! REALLY?!”
And the cat ran away.
For about a half hour.

And then I realized… a cat in heat attracts male cats… male cats who don’t want to share territory…
At least it’s scheduled to rain for the next 40 days.

Come and get it boys!

Come and get it boys!

*Our ‘hood is by no means “bad”, but every neighborhood has “That House” and our area’s was at the end of our street.