Comments : 4 Comments »
Tags: bluebirds are hard to snap, growl, stupid autofocus
Categories : photographic memory
* Got a flu shot. For the first time. Ever. It went…. well?
“You’ve had the flu shot before, right?”
And so with a little rubbing alcohol on my deltoid (which was still sore from Sunday at the Gym) we were discussing whatever and the nurse stabbed me in the arm and somehow finished the injection before I was able to pull my arm away and quiver my bottom lip.
I’m pretty sure there’s a flyer going around to anyone in health care that says “If you see this woman (photo of me with a goofy smile) and need to get a syringe near her, good luck.”
* This morning, a lady walked in with a key and asked me to help her with the bathroom door. Note: I do not work in the office from which she came, nor do I work for the landlord. I explain to her that the lock is finicky and she needs to wiggle the key. All of the keys are like that. She leaves. A few minutes later, she comes back and pretty much DEMANDS that I open the bathroom door for her. So I send her to the conveniently placed maintenance guy in the hallway. Why is it that people who ask you for help think they can be a complete tool?
* It’s been raining pretty heavily here. So, knowing that the area doesn’t do well in a crisis, I woke up early and logged on to check the traffic. I checked the thruway, all three TV news channels and the newspaper. No mention of anything. Two channels in the bathroom. One final internet check before leaving. Five minutes from my house I’m met with brake lights. It took me an hour to get in this morning.
* Speaking of people who are rude to people who are trying to help them, last week while walking into work, a lady pulls up beside me and rolls down her window. I pull out my earbuds. “Can I help you with something?”, I asked.
“I need to get to Erie Street!”
“Erie Street? That doesn’t sound familiar at all.”
“Well, that’s where I need to go.”, She says, matter-of-factly.
“I understand. Where is your final destination? I can try and get you there.”
“The directions say Erie Street!” She says as she quite literally throws her mapquest directions at me.
“Okay, yes, I see it does say Erie Street, but that street isn’t familiar… however, where you need to go to get to The Waterfront [complex], is to turn around and follow the road behind those apartments.”
“But what about Erie Street?”
“I’m telling you how to get to The Waterfront.”
“UGH!” And she grabs the directions back.
* Last week, I discussed The Lunch Fiasco. Yesterday, I sent out an email making sure no one has any allergies and I stated, “I need someone to bring in a crock-pot or something else we can use to keep soup warm until lunch.”, figuring that removing myself from the equation may help things.
Pronoun replies, “we can get/bring in bowls and use the microwave to heat up bowls of soup. i do have a crock-pot, but im not comfortable taking it on the bus w/ me. knowing myself, i would drop it.”
Did I ask you to explain WHY you couldn’t bring in a crockpot? No? Do I care? No.
Note: Our microwave has a dial. Also, it can’t fit a large plate or bowl inside.
Way to go Sherlock.
* After being trapped inside all day due to Biblical Rain, Bailey insists that we play with her. (by insist, I mean throw any/all toys at you until you throw them off of you and she can pick them up again). So we opt to play Pickle in the Middle. Mid-air, Bailey and I both go for the toy. Bailey confused the flesh-colored toy with my flesh colored hand. Bruising ensues. She apologized this morning.
* PSA: When people are wearing earphones or earbuds, they typically can’t hear you or don’t care to hear you. Why else would I have neon pink earbuds?
* Final Boo-Ya!
“Hi, this is Don with the copier leasing company and we’re updating our records, can you confirm the copiers serial number?*”
“I’m sorry, which company did you say you were calling from?”
*Common tactic used by dirty companies to send you toner for your copier, invoicing you and making it 100% impossible to send the item back.
Comments : 16 Comments »
Categories : complaint department
Comments : 2 Comments »
Categories : General Mischief
I will keep this brief, but hopefully entertaining.
Friday, as most of you read/know/saw was our FIFTH wedding anniversary. Talk about crazy.
We enjoyed a FANTASTIC dinner (Encore, for those of you in the B-Lo) of banana peppers, steak and a couple of raspberry cosmos/Guinness.
As this years gift was to be wood or silverware (thanks to whoever comes up with this confusing stuff), I purchased three juniper bushes (henceforth referred to as “Anniversary Trees”) to replace Stupid Bushes.
“Oh. Look. You got me work.”, he says.
Every year we play in a three-club golf tournament”*. This year, we he decided that we should car pool with his parents.
They were due to arrive at 9:30am. At 9:00, we were picking up the house and vacuuming. At 9:15, there is a knock at the door and MIL is there.
“Hey!”, I greet her as I am dashing between rooms.
Dashing back, she’s still outside. “You CAN come in…”
“Oh. Whatcha guys doing?” Steve CLEARLY has the vacuum running and I am CLEARLY putting things in the dishwasher.
I know it will be a long day.
FIL eats very slow, so we opt to go to Tim Hortons for breakfast and coffee. It is in the parking lot that FIL announces that he does not eat and drive. I tell Steve that we should probably get the food to go, he can drive and his dad can eat while we’re en route. Steve insists it will be fine.
FAMOUS LAST WORDS.
At the counter, Steve and I place our order, which clearly confused the cashier. We step aside, and in interest of moving things along, Steve asks his dad if he’s ready to order. FIL looks at Steve and tells him his order. I suggest, “Um, you should probably tell the guy behind the counter what you want as he’s the one who takes your order.”
Meanwhile, Steve and I notice our next door neighbors sitting and enjoying a coffee so we walk over and say hello. Five minutes later, the in-laws are still at the counter. Less to say, it’s physically impossible for the employees to make a large coffee with one cream and one sugar.
Fifteen minutes later and forty-five minutes until tee off (with a half-hour drive), we’re on our way.
Once on the course, I tee up and get ready to take my first shot.
His parents are talking. About nothing. In their cart. Next to the tee box. With loud voices.
I glare over my sunglasses and bank the shot.
Up the fairway, they’re still yammering away.
On the next hole, they’re discussing why MIL can’t hit the ball. Next to the tee box. With loud voices.
And the trend continues.
Finally, at the third hole, I ask Steve if it’s bad form to beat people with your club for talking while you’re trying to hit the ball. Also, we should purchase a golf etiquette book for them for Christmas.
At the fourth hole, he finally tells them to be quiet.
And my game was much improved.
As usual, I won closest to the pin, By Default.
*Each player is only allowed three clubs; putters count towards the three. “Tournament” because it’s really just for fun and the prizes are fun.
Comments : 4 Comments »
Tags: don't talk, golfing, only sport I can attempt, rude, shut up, stfu, stop talking while I'm hitting the ball, tee box
Categories : complaint department
Comments : 14 Comments »
Tags: already, five years, love, married
Categories : married life, milestones, photographic memory
Camping Tidbit, from the “I totally didn’t make this up” file:
While riding my bike to the non-outhouse restroom I passed a cabin with a woman walking a cat.
It was a black cat with a red harness and red lead. It was feverishly trying to get under the cabin.
No sooner do I refocus on the road (after a double take) then I damn near ran over a guy dressed as a pirate.
He came out from the woods in a satin-like ruffled shirt, red handkerchief around his head and artfully mangled cargo pants.
In his defense though, it was Saturday, which was “Talk Like A Pirate Day“.
Comments : 9 Comments »
Tags: camping with cats, cats don't like to be walked, double take, what was that?, wooden pirates
Categories : General Mischief
Preface: Not looking for answers or sympathy, just need to vent. Besides, I know the answer is “You can’t please all the people all of the time”
Let’s back this truck up to about two weeks ago.
Wait, no, spring…
Okay, so, in spring I was forced recommenced asked to run the office’s picnic.
September: food procured, door prizes (I didn’t understand either) obtained , things to keep kids occupied (as per recommendation of planners past) purchased, beer chilled… I thought the party was a success. Plus, I came in [$0.92] under budget. Woot for me.
Receipts in hand, I get the fifth degree about how my budget was spent and on what and what was the cost per person… meanwhile, the conversation in the back of my head was something along the lines of, “If you gave me $X to spend and I spent $X and everyone had a good time and now it’s an issue, why did you give me a budget?”
Flash forward to this week.
Another hat I wear is Team Leader of the Fitness Force for our office. Basically, I just send information into corporate. It’s a cake gig. Har.
My team met the obligation for a company sponsored lunch.
I sent out the follow to my team:
“…It’s looking like we will be ordering in as teams will be on a conference call. Keeping in the spirit of the Fitness Force, I’m thinking we shouldn’t order a loaded pizza…”
Everyone agreed. Then I get the message from Corporate; in response to “what are we planning on doing?”:
“…We’re ordering out – pizza, I think….”
To which I reply:
“…That’s kind of funny because I told my team that we are specifically NOT ordering a pizza, being Fitness Force and all…”
So I propose to my team:
“… is supposedly ordering pizza; to which I replied that it’s kind of defeating the purpose… anyway, so, it looks like we can order a pizza if we want.
Unless we’d like to buck the trend and show them how it’s done … figuring out what we can do for the price of a pizza.
Option 1) Get a pizza anyway
Option 2) See about ordering a “healthy” crust and veggies instead of processed meat
Option 3) I pick up some whole wheat pita pockets, lettuce, deli turkey/chicken, “healthy” cheese and some Italian dressing.”
Then, the dreaded REPLY ALL.
Option 3 sounds good… with a soup…
Option 3 with a mixed salad or a fresh fruit platter..
Whow. Hold your horses here.
First of all, the whole idea was simply to NOT have a pizza; and now I’m stuck with an entire spread?
Plus, enough pie [for 5] with delivery is about $20-25… and we’re looking at a full-custom lunch? I’m a savvy shopper, but really?
Pronoun does a REPLY ALL and says we could all chip in for sides. Mind you, this is the same person who didn’t know if they could bring chip and/or bowls for her side to the aforementioned picnic.
Co-Worker Who Never Worries About Money states to buy whatever and they’ll make up the difference. Mind you, this is the same person who chided my picnic for not having shrimp and/or sushi.
Crimeanitley people, can’t you just be happy with a free lunch?
No wonder no one wants to run ANYTHING here.
P.S. I’m totally #1 on Fitness Force, almost two trackers above everyone else.
Comments : 12 Comments »
Tags: free lunch, It's easy to criticize when you're not doing it, it's not my problem because I'm not in charge, shut-up and be happy, you'll never be happy
Categories : complaint department, weight loss, work life