Peek-a-Boo! Here I am!

25 10 2011

Howdy Y’all!

I’m still banging around, things have just been CRAZY lately.

Since we last talked:
* Mr.C Turned 1
* Mr. C is an INTERNATIONAL MODEL on a Fisher-Price toy. He’s on right now, we’re waiting to see if he gets on the box.

Fisher-Price Push'n'See Monkey

(Yes, that really is MY KID. Those toes drive me insane with nibbles!)

* Mr. C has 8 teeth, including one molar.
* Mr. C got baptized. Which, if you know me, is a big freakin’ deal.
* We’re up to about 10 words, “Baywee” (Bailey), Kitty, Doggie, MOMMA!, Dada, Piggies (toes), Up, Yeah, Hi, Bye, Baby. He’ll imitate syllable noises too.
* I have not been committed to the nuthouse. yet.
* Steve and I celebrated our 7-year wedding anniversary.
* In late June, I had a “wacky” idea. Started working on it in July. Did a whole bunch of legal stuff. Found out on Mr. C’s birthday that I AM A SMALL BUSINESS OWNER.
You may say that my cloth diapering obsession has reached epic proportions. 

Daily Dose of WTF.

25 06 2010

For some reason, I seem to have the oddest run-ins with people… e.g. the intern who announced his arrival and took a cup of water to the restroom, the homeless candy thief , the “who just called me?”….

My boss comes in from the hallway. “There’s a couple of guys walking around, door to door, with big hats.”
“Like big funny hats or stetsons…”
“Like Hassidish Jews.”
“Oh. Um. Okay.”

A few minutes later, they walk into the office.
“Hello.” I say.
“Hello. Today is Jewish Awareness Day.”
“So, we were wondering if there was anyone Jewish in this office.”
“Um, well, I really won’t know that…”

I’m sure the look on my face was priceless.

This doesn’t happen to everyone, does it.

Fun in N’awlins, Circa 2003

30 03 2010

Back in 20-aught-3, I was working on Titanic*.
For some reason, which I to this day do not understand, I was The Corporate Trainer. This job sounds much more luxurious then it was.
Anyway, in the early fall, Titanic needed me for two weeks to train a group of nutria in the fine art of customer service. I refused.
1) I knew by my training, I’d be eliminating 15-20 jobs locally**
2) Steve had just purchased the house. We were closing the day before they wanted me to come down.
3) I’d miss Steve’s birthday.
4) I was not fond of New Orleans
5) My ex-boyfriend worked for said company.
They dangled a carrot in front of me (we’ll fly him down your last weekend and treat you to a night on the town***) and I accepted.
The other times I had traveled, they put me up in a nice place. This time, it was a dump and I had to bring my towels to the front desk if I wanted new ones. Yes. I’m serious. And it was right next to I-10. and a drive-through-alcohol-slushy-place.

The last weekend came along, as did Steve.
He got in way past bedtime on Thursday and I had to work Friday.
For dinner, we went to Fox and Hound, mainly because they had Abita AndyGator, an 11% on-tap brew.
While we’re sitting at the bar, we strike up a conversation with the two gentlemen next to us.
Ends up, they worked for Pepsi.
“Hey, Barkeep, whatever these two are drinkin’ for the next hour is on us!”, says Suit. Steve switches to Guinness.
An hour passes.
“Barkeep! These two are drinkin’ is on us!”, says Suit.
Another hour passes. The Suits get Steve to try a couple fingers of Markers Mark. By now, we decided we need food. The Suits decided they need tail.
“Barrrrrrkkeeeep! Wazzever deess twoses wants zz on us!”
And so on.

Saturday morning found us in rough shape.

I still have the Pepsi guy’s business card in my wallet; memoir of a lucky time.

* A company which started out cool, but then got purchased by, and I’m not making this up, some 20-somethings who made a fortune selling TRADING CARDS and subsequently wanted to close the local operation down. After putting the local operation out of business (about 50 jobs over the course of the take over) the company got flooded in 2004. Karma Bitches.
** And I was right. “Fire all those people in Buffalo!”, was the battle cry from the VP after training was complete.
*** which roughly translated into, “We’re not showing you anything. Submit your receipts.”

(inspired by “please don’t eat with your mouth open“)


19 02 2010

Brought in a 2-liter of ginger ale, put my name on it and put it  in the fridge.

Heard a distinctive “psszzttt” from the kitchen.
Walked in and saw someone over by the water cooler (which is behind a wall partition, away from the fridge). This someone would be the same someone who helped themselves to my salad dressings, also with my name on them.

“To Whom It May Concern: Keep helping yourself to my soda. I’ll find another way to deal with my upset stomach. <3, Stephanie”

Yes, it is Passive Aggressive Friday

These Are The Daves I Know…

19 01 2010

Thanks to Sammy who by calling out his co-workers faults, reminded me of what I intended to post today.


Would I be correct in guessing they’re one of those people who if you try to talk to them, they repeat what they had started to say?
Annoying Coworker: Hee hee hoo hoo, overhead that your cars in the shop.
Non-Annoying Coworker: Yup.
AC: What’s going on? Brakes? Heater? Fuel Pump?
NAC: They think it’s the fuel-
AC: Yeah, my fuel pump went once too…
NAC: But you know, they’re not done with it yet.
AC: Yeah, my fuel pump went once too and it was like TWO HUNDRED dollars to replace it! TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS!
NAC: Well, they’re just running tests on it now.
AC: When my fuel pump went, it was TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS!

Or are they the let’s-talk-about-you-so-we-can-talk-about me?
AC: Does your dog chase birds?
Normal Person: Of course! Scrappy chas-
AC: My dog will not stop chasing them! All over the yard!
NP: I see.
AC: And does your dog throw up after eating rawhides.
NP: Well, no, but he/she doesn’t process it well so it’s a mess in the yard.
AC: Our dog ate an ENTIRE bag of rawhide once and threw up EVERYWHERE! Or maybe it was pig ears… you feed your dog pig ears?
NP: Ew. No.
AC: Pig ears!!!

AC: You watch that game last night?
Random Office Personnel who Happens to be Within Vicinity: Yup.
AC: I can’t believe he made that catch/goal/pass!
AC: Did you see that game last night.
ROPHWV, walking away: Yup.
AC: Did you see that catch/goal/pass?!?!
ROPHWV, turning towards piles and pile of work: Yup.

Could be the same person as I-Can’t-Find/Change-The
Scenario 1)
Coworker: Hey! What’s wrong with the copier?
Helper*: Well, that’s at one end office and I am over here. So, I do not know.
C: What’s it mean by “Jam in feeder”.
Helper: Pretty sure it means there’s a jam in the feeder.

Scenario 2)
Coworker: What’s it mean by “Replace black toner drum”?

Scenario 3)
AC: Do we have any more letterhead/pencils/highlighters/pens/post-its?
Helper: It’s where it’s always been.
AC: Yeah, I looked, I can’t find it.
H: It’s right here (pointing to shrink wrapped package of letterhead under an open pack of color stock).
AC: Oh, I didn’t look there.
H, struggling to get package open: I know.
AC: I didn’t know it would be so much work!

* Okay, it was me…

There Would be the Sound Effect of Crumpling, if my life had sound effects…

15 01 2010


This week has been a toll-taker.

Work’s been feast-one-moment-famine-the-next, the executive Admin’s head is spinning from being pulled in 3,000 directions (“As long as he’s being unreasonable, I’m surprised that he hasn’t asked you to change the direction that the earth spins…”, I told her), I’m trying to do my 2010 file preparations (including updating my log of all the town/village governments from last years election) etc etc etc…. I’m totally not complaining, but by the time I’m done here, it’s PJ time.

I’ve been REALLY trying to get to the gym 3-4 times a week. The place is crawling with resolutioners, which means that machines are being used (which is not so bad) and being left gross and sweaty (which is gross). Seriously gross. Three of the treadmills I hopped on had pools of I’m telling myself that the ceiling is leaking in the foot holds.
Sorry, but I’m not going to wait around to use a machine I don’t really want to use when I could go home and play Wii/interact with FitTv or just come back later.

HOWEVER, I DID finally finish our photobooks from our European vacation and they’re on order with Clark labs.

AND, I found out, for sure, that I am going to The Big Apple next month for my first semi-gig in Marketing.
This found me checking for a suit (I have one.) and finding one for $30 and somehow having a $15 credit on my account.
A $150 suit cost fifteen bucks.

Meanwhile, my goals for this evening are less lofty: gym (if not crammed) and dinner with Steve. And maybe some, well… you know.

Sorry things aren’t more exciting, but I didn’t want to deal with a barage of  “WHERE ARE YOU?!!” posts.

What You Need to Hear

23 10 2009

PITA*, trying to be all small-talk: Hey.
me, typing a report: Hey.
PITA: How’s that [spec] book [that I gave you four days ago and is 200+ pages without any real information available] coming along?
me, typing: It’s coming along.
PITA: Yeah?
me, slightly annoyed: Yup.
PITA: Okay, I’ll come back in a little while then.
me: No. I’ll come to you when it’s preliminarily done.
PITA, shocked: Well. Okay then.

Yes, You.

Yes, You.

What is it with people not realizing that the more they bother the minions, the less miniony work gets done?!

*Pain In The Ass…