Peek-a-Boo! Here I am!

25 10 2011

Howdy Y’all!

I’m still banging around, things have just been CRAZY lately.

Since we last talked:
* Mr.C Turned 1
* Mr. C is an INTERNATIONAL MODEL on a Fisher-Price toy. He’s on right now, we’re waiting to see if he gets on the box.

Fisher-Price Push'n'See Monkey

(Yes, that really is MY KID. Those toes drive me insane with nibbles!)

* Mr. C has 8 teeth, including one molar.
* Mr. C got baptized. Which, if you know me, is a big freakin’ deal.
* We’re up to about 10 words, “Baywee” (Bailey), Kitty, Doggie, MOMMA!, Dada, Piggies (toes), Up, Yeah, Hi, Bye, Baby. He’ll imitate syllable noises too.
* I have not been committed to the nuthouse. yet.
* Steve and I celebrated our 7-year wedding anniversary.
* In late June, I had a “wacky” idea. Started working on it in July. Did a whole bunch of legal stuff. Found out on Mr. C’s birthday that I AM A SMALL BUSINESS OWNER.
You may say that my cloth diapering obsession has reached epic proportions. 

Daily Dose of WTF.

25 06 2010

For some reason, I seem to have the oddest run-ins with people… e.g. the intern who announced his arrival and took a cup of water to the restroom, the homeless candy thief , the “who just called me?”….

My boss comes in from the hallway. “There’s a couple of guys walking around, door to door, with big hats.”
“Like big funny hats or stetsons…”
“Like Hassidish Jews.”
“Oh. Um. Okay.”

A few minutes later, they walk into the office.
“Hello.” I say.
“Hello. Today is Jewish Awareness Day.”
“So, we were wondering if there was anyone Jewish in this office.”
“Um, well, I really won’t know that…”

I’m sure the look on my face was priceless.

This doesn’t happen to everyone, does it.

Fun in N’awlins, Circa 2003

30 03 2010

Back in 20-aught-3, I was working on Titanic*.
For some reason, which I to this day do not understand, I was The Corporate Trainer. This job sounds much more luxurious then it was.
Anyway, in the early fall, Titanic needed me for two weeks to train a group of nutria in the fine art of customer service. I refused.
1) I knew by my training, I’d be eliminating 15-20 jobs locally**
2) Steve had just purchased the house. We were closing the day before they wanted me to come down.
3) I’d miss Steve’s birthday.
4) I was not fond of New Orleans
5) My ex-boyfriend worked for said company.
They dangled a carrot in front of me (we’ll fly him down your last weekend and treat you to a night on the town***) and I accepted.
The other times I had traveled, they put me up in a nice place. This time, it was a dump and I had to bring my towels to the front desk if I wanted new ones. Yes. I’m serious. And it was right next to I-10. and a drive-through-alcohol-slushy-place.

The last weekend came along, as did Steve.
He got in way past bedtime on Thursday and I had to work Friday.
For dinner, we went to Fox and Hound, mainly because they had Abita AndyGator, an 11% on-tap brew.
While we’re sitting at the bar, we strike up a conversation with the two gentlemen next to us.
Ends up, they worked for Pepsi.
“Hey, Barkeep, whatever these two are drinkin’ for the next hour is on us!”, says Suit. Steve switches to Guinness.
An hour passes.
“Barkeep! These two are drinkin’ is on us!”, says Suit.
Another hour passes. The Suits get Steve to try a couple fingers of Markers Mark. By now, we decided we need food. The Suits decided they need tail.
“Barrrrrrkkeeeep! Wazzever deess twoses wants zz on us!”
And so on.

Saturday morning found us in rough shape.

I still have the Pepsi guy’s business card in my wallet; memoir of a lucky time.

* A company which started out cool, but then got purchased by, and I’m not making this up, some 20-somethings who made a fortune selling TRADING CARDS and subsequently wanted to close the local operation down. After putting the local operation out of business (about 50 jobs over the course of the take over) the company got flooded in 2004. Karma Bitches.
** And I was right. “Fire all those people in Buffalo!”, was the battle cry from the VP after training was complete.
*** which roughly translated into, “We’re not showing you anything. Submit your receipts.”

(inspired by “please don’t eat with your mouth open“)


19 02 2010

Brought in a 2-liter of ginger ale, put my name on it and put it  in the fridge.

Heard a distinctive “psszzttt” from the kitchen.
Walked in and saw someone over by the water cooler (which is behind a wall partition, away from the fridge). This someone would be the same someone who helped themselves to my salad dressings, also with my name on them.

“To Whom It May Concern: Keep helping yourself to my soda. I’ll find another way to deal with my upset stomach. <3, Stephanie”

Yes, it is Passive Aggressive Friday

These Are The Daves I Know…

19 01 2010

Thanks to Sammy who by calling out his co-workers faults, reminded me of what I intended to post today.


Would I be correct in guessing they’re one of those people who if you try to talk to them, they repeat what they had started to say?
Annoying Coworker: Hee hee hoo hoo, overhead that your cars in the shop.
Non-Annoying Coworker: Yup.
AC: What’s going on? Brakes? Heater? Fuel Pump?
NAC: They think it’s the fuel-
AC: Yeah, my fuel pump went once too…
NAC: But you know, they’re not done with it yet.
AC: Yeah, my fuel pump went once too and it was like TWO HUNDRED dollars to replace it! TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS!
NAC: Well, they’re just running tests on it now.
AC: When my fuel pump went, it was TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS!

Or are they the let’s-talk-about-you-so-we-can-talk-about me?
AC: Does your dog chase birds?
Normal Person: Of course! Scrappy chas-
AC: My dog will not stop chasing them! All over the yard!
NP: I see.
AC: And does your dog throw up after eating rawhides.
NP: Well, no, but he/she doesn’t process it well so it’s a mess in the yard.
AC: Our dog ate an ENTIRE bag of rawhide once and threw up EVERYWHERE! Or maybe it was pig ears… you feed your dog pig ears?
NP: Ew. No.
AC: Pig ears!!!

AC: You watch that game last night?
Random Office Personnel who Happens to be Within Vicinity: Yup.
AC: I can’t believe he made that catch/goal/pass!
AC: Did you see that game last night.
ROPHWV, walking away: Yup.
AC: Did you see that catch/goal/pass?!?!
ROPHWV, turning towards piles and pile of work: Yup.

Could be the same person as I-Can’t-Find/Change-The
Scenario 1)
Coworker: Hey! What’s wrong with the copier?
Helper*: Well, that’s at one end office and I am over here. So, I do not know.
C: What’s it mean by “Jam in feeder”.
Helper: Pretty sure it means there’s a jam in the feeder.

Scenario 2)
Coworker: What’s it mean by “Replace black toner drum”?

Scenario 3)
AC: Do we have any more letterhead/pencils/highlighters/pens/post-its?
Helper: It’s where it’s always been.
AC: Yeah, I looked, I can’t find it.
H: It’s right here (pointing to shrink wrapped package of letterhead under an open pack of color stock).
AC: Oh, I didn’t look there.
H, struggling to get package open: I know.
AC: I didn’t know it would be so much work!

* Okay, it was me…

There Would be the Sound Effect of Crumpling, if my life had sound effects…

15 01 2010


This week has been a toll-taker.

Work’s been feast-one-moment-famine-the-next, the executive Admin’s head is spinning from being pulled in 3,000 directions (“As long as he’s being unreasonable, I’m surprised that he hasn’t asked you to change the direction that the earth spins…”, I told her), I’m trying to do my 2010 file preparations (including updating my log of all the town/village governments from last years election) etc etc etc…. I’m totally not complaining, but by the time I’m done here, it’s PJ time.

I’ve been REALLY trying to get to the gym 3-4 times a week. The place is crawling with resolutioners, which means that machines are being used (which is not so bad) and being left gross and sweaty (which is gross). Seriously gross. Three of the treadmills I hopped on had pools of I’m telling myself that the ceiling is leaking in the foot holds.
Sorry, but I’m not going to wait around to use a machine I don’t really want to use when I could go home and play Wii/interact with FitTv or just come back later.

HOWEVER, I DID finally finish our photobooks from our European vacation and they’re on order with Clark labs.

AND, I found out, for sure, that I am going to The Big Apple next month for my first semi-gig in Marketing.
This found me checking for a suit (I have one.) and finding one for $30 and somehow having a $15 credit on my account.
A $150 suit cost fifteen bucks.

Meanwhile, my goals for this evening are less lofty: gym (if not crammed) and dinner with Steve. And maybe some, well… you know.

Sorry things aren’t more exciting, but I didn’t want to deal with a barage of  “WHERE ARE YOU?!!” posts.

What You Need to Hear

23 10 2009

PITA*, trying to be all small-talk: Hey.
me, typing a report: Hey.
PITA: How’s that [spec] book [that I gave you four days ago and is 200+ pages without any real information available] coming along?
me, typing: It’s coming along.
PITA: Yeah?
me, slightly annoyed: Yup.
PITA: Okay, I’ll come back in a little while then.
me: No. I’ll come to you when it’s preliminarily done.
PITA, shocked: Well. Okay then.

Yes, You.

Yes, You.

What is it with people not realizing that the more they bother the minions, the less miniony work gets done?!

*Pain In The Ass…

Just Venting

23 09 2009

Preface: Not looking for answers or sympathy, just need to vent. Besides,  I know the answer is “You can’t please all the people all of the time”

Did you hear that?

Did you hear that?

Let’s back this truck up to about two weeks ago.
Wait, no, spring…
Okay, so, in spring I was forced recommenced asked to run the office’s picnic.
September:  food procured, door prizes (I didn’t understand either) obtained , things to keep kids occupied (as per recommendation of planners past) purchased, beer chilled… I thought the party was a success. Plus, I came in [$0.92] under budget. Woot for me.
Receipts in hand, I get the fifth degree about how my budget was spent and on what and what was the cost per person… meanwhile, the conversation in the back of my head was something along the lines of, “If you gave me $X to spend and I spent $X and everyone had a good time and now it’s an issue, why did you give me a budget?”

Flash forward to this week.
Another hat I wear is Team Leader of the Fitness Force for our office. Basically, I just send information into corporate. It’s a cake gig. Har.
My team met the obligation for a company sponsored lunch.
I sent out the follow to my team:
“…It’s looking like we will be ordering in as teams will be on a conference call. Keeping in the spirit of the Fitness Force, I’m thinking we shouldn’t order a loaded pizza…”
Everyone agreed. Then I get the message from Corporate; in response to “what are we planning on doing?”:
We’re ordering out – pizza, I think….”
To which I reply:
That’s kind of funny because I told my team that we are specifically NOT ordering a pizza, being Fitness Force and all…”
So I propose to my team:
… is supposedly ordering pizza; to which I replied that it’s kind of defeating the purpose… anyway, so, it looks like we can order a pizza if we want.
Unless we’d like to buck the trend and show them how it’s done … figuring out what we can do for the price of a pizza.
Option 1) Get a pizza anyway
Option 2) See about ordering a “healthy” crust and veggies instead of processed meat
Option 3) I pick up some whole wheat pita pockets, lettuce, deli turkey/chicken, “healthy” cheese and some Italian dressing.”

Then, the dreaded REPLY ALL.
Option 3 sounds good… with a soup…
Option 3 with a mixed salad or a fresh fruit platter..

Whow. Hold your horses here.
First of all, the whole idea was simply to NOT have a pizza; and now I’m stuck with an entire spread?
Plus, enough pie [for 5] with delivery is about $20-25… and we’re looking at a full-custom lunch? I’m a savvy shopper, but really?

Pronoun does a REPLY ALL and says we could all chip in for sides. Mind you, this is the same person who didn’t know if they could bring chip and/or bowls for her side to the aforementioned picnic.
Co-Worker Who Never Worries About Money states to buy whatever and they’ll make up the difference. Mind you, this is the same person who chided my picnic for not having shrimp and/or sushi.

Crimeanitley people, can’t you just be happy with a free lunch?

No wonder no one wants to run ANYTHING here.

P.S. I’m totally #1 on Fitness Force, almost two trackers above everyone else.

Stephanie Art Theatre Presents: WHY CAN’T YOU PEOPLE DRIVE?

15 09 2009

as detailed last year, there are only two fast-moving (read: not local streets) coming from Casa Mak to work.
I’ve been taking “Da two-ninedeen to da ninney to da one-ninney” because “five”* is too stop-and-go.
Well, with the start of school and everyone going back to work/college/rehab, da ninney has been PACKED.
I listen to traffic and weather in the morning, so I can adjust my route/clothing as appropriate. “Usual traffic build up on the ninety…”
So I head out to da two-ninedeen.

Typical Traffic Pattern

Typical Traffic Pattern

YOT and I enter the turn lane… and over in the exit lane is a woman looking quite distressed as if traffic should stop because don’t you know who she is?!
Anyway, this is what she did (and I should mention that those things that look like amoebas are actually other cars. Thus mounting evidence that I suck at drawing)

Where'd you learn that one?

Where'd you learn that one?

(typically, Maniac would have had to wait to cross into the opposing lane, but being very important, she drove on the wrong side of the road and cut behind YOT to get to the proper side of the road… you know, instead of using the intersection)

Further on, and by “further” I mean about a mile, I was greeted with tail-lights.
Typically, I don’t hit traffic until “da fourhunred innerchange at da ninney”… that section was about 5  miles up the road.
Meanwhile, another very important person, this time on a motorcycle, decided to drive on the shoulder (which is a no-no). “Damn it, those people never get caught! (number of swear words)”
A bit further up in the bumper-to-bumper, I see blue and red lights on the side of the road. And the motorcyclist at the side of the road, looking upset.

Finally, the traffic guy comes on and says that due to a lane closure on the ninety-to-da-one-ninety.
That’s another 3 miles up the road!
Less to say, people evidently can’t read this sign and proceeded to make my 20 minute commute turn into an hour commute.

Merge, MF.

Merge, MF.

* for you non-regional dialectics, “Route 219 to Interstate 90 to I-190” and “Route 5”

Poor Timing

3 09 2009

Whatever it is, I’ve been noticing the rather inconvient timing of events recently.

* Working on a number intensive report (which only happens every two weeks for payroll) will guarantee the phone will ring A LOT.
* People will send stuff to the printer while I am on the phone. Note: The printer is about two feet away on my right, the phone is one foot away on my left.

* The more anxious I am about getting to work assures that I’ll be gas-brake-honk the entire way in. But I will be to work on-time.
* Days I don’t bring a book to work are days when I really think about going out to read. Days I do have a book, I find something else to do on lunch.
* The tastier dinner is, the more mess it makes in the kitchen.
* If I do not bring lunch due to the prospect of going out for lunch, my lunch meeting will be canceled and I’ll have to scrounge around eat something less exciting. However, if I pack a just-in-case lunch, my meeting will be on as scheduled.

Do tell reader(s), what poorly planned coincidences have you noticed as of late?