+/-

I went to a new doctor* today.
Seeing as I was tired of feeling like a bother when I called the former’s office (“Well, I’ve NEVER heard of THAT!”) and their inability to read my chart (i.e. wanting to put me on medication that I was already on and gave me migraines…) I figured it was time for a change.

As you know by now, I don’t really get along with medical professionals; except for Dad but there was a time we didn’t get along either… Basically, I know me better than anyone else, and when I tell you something [medically] about me, I expect you to pay attention to it. If it’s concerning enough for me to bring up to you, it should concern you.
ANYWAY…

I haven’t been on a scale since I picked up I Can Make You Thin, mainly at the authors advice. Plus, the scale and I have a hate/hate relationship. I stepped on the new scale, fully clothed (shoeless though) and found out I was three pounds lighter. Not quite the ten pounds I was hoping for, but with my frame, even five pounds (either direction) makes a HUGE difference.
So that was cool and means I’m down about a pound a week, which is healthy. And if I can keep up this pace (if not a tad more) I will meet my “Super Secret Goal”.

Once I actually met the doc, I felt so much better.
Plus, she’s cute.
I explained my humor-as-a-coping-mechanism (“I kinda feel like  maybe we should go out to dinner or something first, I mean, I JUST met you!”) and she laughed. We talked about the crazy, the allergies, the baby-inhibitor…
In the exam room, there were cards and photos of babies and gushy moms “THANK you SO much!”, “And by ‘awesome’, I mean ‘AWESOME’!”, “I’m so lucky to have met you!”.
Whew, again.
Once we’re ready to get underway (no pun intended), I say, “I’ll try not to crush your head.”
“That’s not allowed. Plus, I bite.” She says, smirking.
I laugh, perhaps a bit too giggly.
OMG, am I flirting with my thrice-a-mom-doctor?!?

I didn’t feel creeped out or violated afterward. Before she left, I went to shake her [clean, un-gloved] hand and she’s all “nut-uh-uh!” and so we handshake in the air. She cracks up again, “Oh, I’m going to like working with you!”

Not that this is something I want to do all the time, but it’s a breath of fresh air to not feel like an inconvenience.

And when I made it into work (after stopping for coffee, missing the train and walking to the office), it came to my attention that the doleful job I did of picking out a matching pair of shoes wasn’t so doleful.
One back pump, one dark brown pump.

*”Doctor” in this case refers to a specialist in um, women’s health.

Why I am Grumpy Today: A Story in Paint

These drawings are not to scale.
Yes, they’ve been re-done to show us clothed (even though we weren’t not clothed before… like to see you draw better in paint) but Bailey’s still not that huge and it’s hard to draw a tank top on StickFigureStephanie.
(also, due to the rain, I’d been up most of the night anyway.)
(I got up at 3am to use the bathroom, I come back to bed and Bailey’s in my spot.)

(The above drawing would be my dog sleeping on me. Specifically, on my neck/face. And snoring. in my ear. and twitching her ears when my hair is on them.)

(finally, I got tired of not sleeping and pushed her against the wall. And then she rolled so all four of her legs were on me. And she must have been having good dreams because her tail would hit me in the leg.)

So, the short version is, I’ve pretty much been up since 3 am.

Sunday Sighing

Alas.
Sunday evening.
The last hours of the weekend are left.
While I have the usual Sunday-Evening-ho-Hums, I feel rather accomplished.

• Didn’t drink myself into oblivion (that was Thursday), which also means that I did not spend some/most of my weekend in recovery.  Go me! Not everyone else in the house can say that.
• Ironed, sorted, replaced two+ loads of laundry
• Grocery shopped
• Went to the gym. Twice! While sore! Granted, I can’t lift my arms above my head (stupid weights) or walk without a limp (stupid Achilles tendon), it was worth it.
• I got to nap!
• Finished a book (“Neverwhere” by Niel Gieman)
• Had some of ‘lissa’s SUPER taco dip
• Didn’t spend the entire weekend on the interwebs
• Cleaned out the birdfeeder, refilled it and set it out for the birdies

And the icing, I walked around Wegmans with bunny-ears (when your pockets are turned inside out)

Why it’s Worth it to Plan

After paying $30 is fines and having a new card issued, I was ready to start using my library system.
“$30 in fines?!?! How does one even do that?!” Oh, I can hear you asking.
For starters, I took out books for Dad that were lost or whatever ($18 right there).
Everything else was returned LATE, despite having the library on the corner of my street. A street that was a dead-end, making it impossible not to have to pass the library.
ANYWAY.

Keytag library card in hand, I walk to the fiction section only to find that the copy of the book I want is out.

Sure, I understand that I could have simply purchased the book OR I could have checked to see if the book was in stock.
I could have purchased said book for less than $5 from half.com or for like $15 at Borders.

As the world punished me for my 7-year-old fines (no, really), I was harassed by a bum whose idea of begging was to stay in the same place and holler at me.
“HEY! HEY! HEY YOU! PRETTY LADY! SWEETHEART! HEY HEY! Bitch.”
Dude, seriously, if you want my money, there best be an exchange of goods or services. At least dance for me or something…

Business Trip Multiple Choice AND Signs of Spring

Business Trip Multiple Choice
1) You’re headed to a remote office that you’ve never been to before. Do you:
a) Print off directions the night before
b) Hope your car-sharer brought directions

2) You’ve decided to meet a co-worker to share a ride. You both decide that you should meet at 7:45am. Do you:
a) Arrive at the designated meeting area at 7:47am, which may have included speeding and yelling internally at the person in line at Horton’s who clearly ordered a dozen of very specific doughnuts.
b) Arrive after 8am, stating that the car you borrowed was almost out of gas, you parked on the wrong side for gassing and then there was “a lot” of traffic.

3) Conversation has waned. Do you:
a) Discuss another “safe” topic such as food, politics, sports, weather…
b) Ask a question you asked before.

4) You get a call on your cell. It’s not work related, but of a seemingly urgent matter. You’re in a remote office building of which you don’t really know anyone. Do you:
a) Find a vacant office/step outside/ask the caller to call back
b) TALK VERY LOUDLY ABOUT THIS VERY-NON-WORK-RELATED ISSUE in the main hallway.

5) You’ve been treated to lunch by the office manager who thinks it’d be nice to take you on a quick tour of the office’s town and accomplishments. While the manager is talking, do you:
a) Listen to what he says, paying attention to landmarks
b) Talk over him
c) Ask about buildings that were pointed out on the first pass
d) Compare everything to your hometown

6) You’ve designated your ride sharer to be navigator. They tell you to “make a right” out of the parking lot. There is a light at the end of the parking lot and your lot faces another lot (at the same light). Do you (choose two):
a) Turn on your right signal
b) Turn out of the lot right away
c) Turn out of the lot when there’s not a truck coming from the other direction (making a left, into your two-lane side)
d) Not turn on your blinker

7) The day being over, you’re ready to head home. Your navigator didn’t bring return directions, so you’re trying to figure out how to get back to the interstate. Meanwhile, your phone rings again. Do you:
a) Ignore the phone while you sort out where you are
b) Pick up the phone (sans hands-free) TALK LOUDLY and miss where the navigator tells you to turn, thus dispensing you into a one-way-street “hood” where you turn down a one-way street and back up into traffic

8 ) Five people are fitting into a five-person vehicle. The shortest member volunteers to “take the hump”, thus allowing the driver to see out of the back window. Do you:
a) Argue with the short person
b) Allow the short person to “take the hump”

9) Crammed in the backseat, do you:
a) Stretch out completely, putting your arms around the headrests of the other two passengers
b) Cower as close to the door as you can because you’re not sure where that smell is coming from (though you have a good idea)

10) You’re driving along the interstate. You need to shift lanes. Do you:
a) Look, signal, blind-spot check, shift
b) Swerve

Signs of Spring
Muddy Puppy
Landscapers out in full force
ROBINS!
Sprouting tulips, crocuses and lillies
Tendinitis

Photo Update! Remember the Cake (?) (!)

Last week, in The Shower Saga I mentioned about my lament towards the cake.
If you don’t feel like reading (or re-reading), I was told  that there was going to be “really cute cakes!” and I said:
See, when I hear “really cute cake”, I tend to think of a cake with some layering or fondant on it; the opposite of what you’d see on cakewrecks.com

And now, dear reader, you can make your own decision:

Pram?

Babies are for eating

So, am I crazy, or are the cakes the literal icing on an annoying event?

Conversation with Bailey: Demolition

Bailey’s tearing part her umpteeth toy this week.
Someone (Bailey) is a bit cabin feverish, so despite the playing, tummy rubs and toy rotation, she’s in Seasonal Kill Mode.

me: Hey, Captain Destruction.  Stop killing sheepie.
Bailey: Huh? What?  Sheepie?  Um, no, I was holding it, kissing it, and this ball of fluff fell out.
me: knock it off.

Bailey proceeds to pout and drag her toenails across the kitchen floor.
She  walks over to her toy box and pulls out blue bunny.
Laying down in the living room, but facing me, she starts tearing at bunny.
me: dude, I can see you.

She turns 1/4 of the way away, I see bunny’s legs jerking.
me: I’m right here.
She gets up and walks into the front room, from which a subtle tearing noise emits.
me: I heard that.

She comes back, Bunny is bleeding fluff.

And now, she’s laying on disemboweled and legless Chef Bird, a feeble attempt to make me feel better about my hair delimnea*.

* my hair is a misbehaving mess of who-knows-what, I’m due out of town and don’t want to look like a hobo and my haircutter lady has been booked.  WHAT TO DO WHAT TO DO?!?!?!

Phew!

becuase I know you’ve all been miiissssiinngggg mmeeeeeee….

I was all sorts of entangled in deadline work stuff.
It’d be so much easier if people would just get stuff in at a reasonable time-frame and then not micro-manage my work. KTHNX.
(let’s just say that a half-hour before the end of my shift, said Annoyance came wheezing up to my desk, asking “you got my work done for me? *har dee har har*” to which I replied, “Perhaps you’d like to check your e-mail.”, “OH! Did you just sent it?”, “No, I sent it about three hours ago.”)
And of course he’s not here today, which actually makes my life easier and allows me time to figure out how I’m going to deal with him in a car for two hours. (Yeah! Business Trip! BOO! With Annoyance)

Aforementioned business trip also involves my acquiring of some slightly-more-professional-wear. Not that I don’t dress nice now, but I feel that being in a position of authority allows one to dress authoritative.  Thus, I have decided to procure a *gasp* suit.

Having gotten that proposal off my desk (and delivered an hour early, unlike last time) really makes me feel good.

Speaking of feeling good, I’ve been reading “I Can Make You Thin” by Dr. McKenna… wish I would have gotten the book before spending a year at Weight Watchers; pretty much the same idea, just a hell of a lot cheaper.

Oh, and the opposite of cheap would be  Greek Yogurt. No, it’s not a euphimism, it’s acutally yougert. I picked some up a few weeks ago and now it’s a staple. I’m typically not a fan of plain yougurt, but with some honey.. *bliss* But, at around $5 for 16oz…

Reverting to the book, I don’t know why the concepts seem so “OH!” and at the same time  “DUH!”. I.E. “Eat if you’re hungry and eat slowly.” Now that I’m only eating things I LOVE, it’s much easier to feel content.

And I spent most of this week not-content, don’t know why, but I was quite a pity party. I felt better yesterday and 100% better today.
We’ll say it’s due to ice cream and Melissa.

Boy, office is quiet today.

P.S.
What’s the deal with March Madness? Maybe it’s because I didn’t go to a “real” college… or during “normal” hours.  Or maybe because I don’t like basketball.

Wordless Wednesday

(Finally playing along with: goodbear, Dennis, twobarkingdogs)

Not Ending Up on the News: Part 2

And now, the thrilling conclusion!

Seeing as my dear reader(s) are confused by the initial issue, I will switch up.
“D” will now be Diane. Diane is a friend of “C”/”Charlotte” and we have not met up to this point. Diane has been communicating (when she does) via email/interwebs.
“C” will be Charlotte.
“M” will be Melissa (sssshhhh, not her real name), my bestie.
*******
Day of the Shower

Melissa & I picked up the last minute things… our spread included: a deli tray/fixings, snacks…Oh, and all those balloons (21 latex, 4 mylar and one really big one for Charlotte’s table).

balloons!

Did I mention that this winery doesn’t serve food (addressed from Diane in a “duh.” manner)? So in addition to bringing food, we also had to pack bowls/serving things so people could serve the food.
Somehow we got all take-out* with packing the trunk and we were on our way.
The invitation (you know, the one I got, despite PLANNING THE SHOWER) gave a city that’s about an hour from Casa Mak.  Shower was slated to start at 3; Diane requested a 230 arrival. We were early. Diane et crew had already arrived. Upon arrival we were barraged by the World’s Most Annoying Woman.
WMAW (who was not small by any means) jammed her entire body in front of the trunk of YOT and started tugging at bunches of balloons.
I calmly told her that the balloons are tied to the hitches. I may have as well said “purple elephant telephone” because WMAW kept tugging then pretty much yelled at me to untie the balloons. Did I mention that WMAW was Diane’s mom?  Easy to see where she got her social skills.
Anyway…
WMAW mentioned that she had the heaviest items [25 balloons]! Perhaps she thought it was really funny and because none of us laughed, it bared repeating. Again.  And again.
Being Mistress of Delegation, I started asking people to do things. Decorations went up, bowls were filled, rolls arranged…meanwhile, Diane had disappeared.
I found her at the wine bar, laughing with a group of [I assume] guests.
“Oh, excuse me, Diane? So, how’s this work, do we just bring our glasses over to the bar?”
Diane turned on her heels and in a “duh” way, she says “Yeah.” And turned back to her group.
I inhaled again and saw it was just a little after three.
It gets to be around 3:45-ish and Diane decided that WE MUST EAT NOW because “I’m hungry and I don’t care if anyone else is.”
While Charlotte’s table was up getting food, Diane came over.  “So, did you guys bring any door prizes?” I inhaled, hopefully not obviously because I promised Steve I would be nice, “Well, Diane, you booked the room for two hours.  It’s already almost 4 and no one has eaten yet. Charlotte hasn’t opened presents and when exactly did you think we’d be able to play games?”
Diane stood up, miffed, “I guess you’re right.” And away she went. This would be the last thing she said to me and I to her.
BTW, for the record, no one else brought door prizes.  Read: She expected us to pick up the extra expense for something that had already become quite expensive.
Diane announced it was time for cake. At this point, I’m REALLY interested to see what she has up her sleeve.
There were two round cakes. One was ¾ blue, to look like a pram. With a quarter-sized orange spot on it, decorated to look like a baby’s face. The other, I believe, was decorated with a face to make it look like a baby’s face. See, when I hear “really cute cake”, I tend to think of a cake with some layering or fondant on it; the opposite of what you’d see on cakewrecks.com

it wants your soul (not the actual cake)

Charlotte opened gifts and held them up and we coo’d.
*Be doo bee Be Doo. Be doo bee be doo* (That’s my impersonation of a cell phone)
Charlotte stopped opening and stared at the cell-phone owner.
“Yeah.  At a baby shower. For a  while. Why? What’d he say?” and we got to listen to this woman’s conversation.
classy.
No sooner had Charlotte finished opening gifts, Diane announced that we need to start cleaning up.
My troop packed up what we brought because at this point, we (all four of us) were about ready to snap at Diane.
One trip and everything was back in YOT. We even take Charlotte’s stuff to her truck. The four of us were LOADED up with booty and WMAW mentions “You FORGOT the Diet Pepsi”. Oh, and why didn’t Diane help? Because she was busy at the bar, haggling with the owner over the price of something…
Oh, and typically, at showers, you get a little something to take home… I’ve gotten candles or candy… we got (wait for it) wine glasses. Unpersonalized wine glasses because Diane “didn’t have an accurate head count”.
Thank goodness I found that out at the end because, as Incubus sang, “Blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground”.

When Charlotte hugged Melissa and I good-bye, she whispered how thankful she was for everything we did for her.

And really, that’s all I wanted… for Charlotte to have a nice shower. And I know she loved that we brought pickles.

P.S.
Provisions for thirty were purchased.  Turn out? 21-24.

*referring to the insane packing where you get a 2”x2” box and approximately 47 pounds of lo mien…