… I left myself on the answering machine….

31 01 2008

I’d like to start this post with some lyrics from The Tragically Hip.  While the entire song does not apply here, most of it does and in fact, the irony is quite amusing.  I’ll leave you to decide which lyrics fit.

“Boots Or Hearts”

Well I think that there’s a problem here
Her voice doesn’t sound right
But I left myself on the answering machine
Said “I’m back in town tonight.”
I feel I’ve stepped out of the wilderness
All squint-eyed and confused
But even babies raised by wolves
They know exactly when they’ve been used

See when it starts to fall apart
It really falls apart
Like boots or hearts when they starts it really falls apart

Fingers and toes fingers and toes
Forty things we share
Forty one if you include the fact that we don’t care
Now we’ve blocked most of main street
For our faith parade
Everybody in town now will probably all agree
I’m lying in the bed I made

See when it starts to fall apart
It really falls apart
Like boots or hearts when they starts it really falls apart

Now you won’t even let me talk to you
We got some air to clear
We’d probably only agree on one thing any way’s
That’s what the hell is happening here
See when it starts to fall apart
It really falls apart
Like boots or hearts when they starts it really falls apart
(thanks Tragically Hip)

Okay, so, yesterday, I got a phone call which I’m pretty sure was meant to wile (which it did).  I don’t really feel like getting into the details here as I don’t really know if/where this may go.
The short/public version is, I was accused of many untrue things (regarding former employment) and when I called the person out on it, they had a non-logical retort and well, Stephanie doesn’t take personal attacks very well.  Let’s just say that the medication did not work yesterday.
I digress.
If you know me personally, you know that when I know I’m right, I’ll argue with you.  Don’t F with my pride.  I don’t have much and the little I do have I plan on keeping.
So, one of the bold faced lies was a about a message left on my voicemail.
Today, the voicemail is blinking and I decide that ten year-old messages is a pain in the ass to manage.
I press play.
“Hi Stephanie” resounds a familiar voice.
Could it be?
Would I have?
Did I?
Indeed.  Indeed I did.  Subconscious Stephanie must have known that I was going to need that message and didn’t delete it from SEPTEMBER.
And I counted at least three contradictions to the phone call from yesterday.
So, after the crying, the fit, the kitchen cleaning, and now The Message, I feel very beside myself indeed.

Today’s Office Sanity Saver

31 01 2008

What’s helping today:
Playing XM81-The System (which is techno-dancy) and trying to rearrange my desk supplies in time to “Confusion the Waitress” by Underworld.

So far so good.

An Open Memo to Buffalo Weather

29 01 2008

to: Buffalo Weather
from: Stephanie
re: WTF?

Please stop fluctuating, you’re reeking havoc on my sinus.  How can you be 44 degrees today and 22 degrees tomorrow?
Also note that we will be invoicing you for the eventual replacement roof and subsequent roof repairs resulting from your temper this year.
I’d appreciate you leaving my trees alone for the next 48+ hours.

Thank you.

I detest being sick

27 01 2008

I should have known something was up on Friday when I passed my box of tea in the kitchen and decided that tea would trump coffee.
(There’s some subconscious thing that happens when I get sick that I only want to drink tea and ginger ale… weird, I know)
By the time I got to the office, I felt a slight tingle in my throat and I figured that it was because I forgot to turn the humidifier on before bed.
After lunch I was coughing.
When I got home I took a nap.
By 10pm, I thought I was going to pass out on the table at the company party.
I didn’t sleep much, mainly due to the cold sweats and body pain.
Yesterday wasn’t much better.
Today I am feeling a  bit better, not like I should, but at least I don’t feel like curling up into the fetal position for 24 hours.
Hopefully this is the end of this bout, because really, I don’t want to spend another night soaking the sheets.

And I was starting to feel super confident that my nasal steroid was going to keep this from happening.

The Amazing Healing Power of Cupcake Batter

24 01 2008

So, in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been a bit of a pill lately.
Perhaps it was lack of verbalizing what was bothering me (Steve’s not very supportive when it comes to work matters, in fact, his lack of enthusiasm tends to be conversely proportionate to my anger level).
So Heather and I had a good talk, in which she listened and defended my thoughts and then I satisfied that craving for sweet and sour chicken.
After which I ate some cupcake batter (come on, like you never have) and took a long hot shower.
This morning, I realized that if I just come to the conclusion that I can not change this situation and that I am not the problem, things will roll off my shoulders.  Perhaps, this will be fodder for the next unfinished book.

I confessed to Heather that I was afraid that falling back into my old eating habits (i.e. solving problems via food) I would completely lose sight of my goals.  However (much to Heather’s prediction) I am back on the wagon this morning.  Breakfast of fruit/oatmeal, lunch of salad and something good for dinner.  Back onto water because thirsting myself doesn’t solve anything.

I am glad that I am back in touch with my feelings.

An Inconvenient Truth

23 01 2008

I slide over to my coworker, “Dude, he POINTS with this middle finger.”
“I don’t really think he was pointing.”
“Neither do I.”

Seriously, What is going on with my emotions?!

22 01 2008

Holy crap.
I’m a bear today.  I was a bear last night.
I am seriously unhinged and I can’t pinpoint why.
Even right now, I’m festering, but I don’t know what’s set me off.
The Office Agitator started with me already this morning and I frankly told him, “Look, I’m not really in a mood for humor, so if I seem bearish,  it’s nothing personal.”

Holy Shit, what is happening to me?!