… I left myself on the answering machine….

I’d like to start this post with some lyrics from The Tragically Hip.  While the entire song does not apply here, most of it does and in fact, the irony is quite amusing.  I’ll leave you to decide which lyrics fit.

“Boots Or Hearts”

Well I think that there’s a problem here
Her voice doesn’t sound right
But I left myself on the answering machine
Said “I’m back in town tonight.”
I feel I’ve stepped out of the wilderness
All squint-eyed and confused
But even babies raised by wolves
They know exactly when they’ve been used

See when it starts to fall apart
It really falls apart
Like boots or hearts when they starts it really falls apart

Fingers and toes fingers and toes
Forty things we share
Forty one if you include the fact that we don’t care
Now we’ve blocked most of main street
For our faith parade
Everybody in town now will probably all agree
I’m lying in the bed I made

See when it starts to fall apart
It really falls apart
Like boots or hearts when they starts it really falls apart

Now you won’t even let me talk to you
We got some air to clear
We’d probably only agree on one thing any way’s
That’s what the hell is happening here
See when it starts to fall apart
It really falls apart
Like boots or hearts when they starts it really falls apart
(thanks Tragically Hip)

Okay, so, yesterday, I got a phone call which I’m pretty sure was meant to wile (which it did).  I don’t really feel like getting into the details here as I don’t really know if/where this may go.
The short/public version is, I was accused of many untrue things (regarding former employment) and when I called the person out on it, they had a non-logical retort and well, Stephanie doesn’t take personal attacks very well.  Let’s just say that the medication did not work yesterday.
I digress.
If you know me personally, you know that when I know I’m right, I’ll argue with you.  Don’t F with my pride.  I don’t have much and the little I do have I plan on keeping.
So, one of the bold faced lies was a about a message left on my voicemail.
Today, the voicemail is blinking and I decide that ten year-old messages is a pain in the ass to manage.
I press play.
“Hi Stephanie” resounds a familiar voice.
Could it be?
Would I have?
Did I?
Indeed.  Indeed I did.  Subconscious Stephanie must have known that I was going to need that message and didn’t delete it from SEPTEMBER.
Boo.
And I counted at least three contradictions to the phone call from yesterday.
So, after the crying, the fit, the kitchen cleaning, and now The Message, I feel very beside myself indeed.

Today’s Office Sanity Saver

What’s helping today:
Playing XM81-The System (which is techno-dancy) and trying to rearrange my desk supplies in time to “Confusion the Waitress” by Underworld.

So far so good.

An Open Memo to Buffalo Weather

to: Buffalo Weather
from: Stephanie
re: WTF?

Please stop fluctuating, you’re reeking havoc on my sinus.  How can you be 44 degrees today and 22 degrees tomorrow?
Also note that we will be invoicing you for the eventual replacement roof and subsequent roof repairs resulting from your temper this year.
I’d appreciate you leaving my trees alone for the next 48+ hours.

Thank you.

I detest being sick

I should have known something was up on Friday when I passed my box of tea in the kitchen and decided that tea would trump coffee.
(There’s some subconscious thing that happens when I get sick that I only want to drink tea and ginger ale… weird, I know)
By the time I got to the office, I felt a slight tingle in my throat and I figured that it was because I forgot to turn the humidifier on before bed.
After lunch I was coughing.
When I got home I took a nap.
By 10pm, I thought I was going to pass out on the table at the company party.
I didn’t sleep much, mainly due to the cold sweats and body pain.
Yesterday wasn’t much better.
Today I am feeling a  bit better, not like I should, but at least I don’t feel like curling up into the fetal position for 24 hours.
Hopefully this is the end of this bout, because really, I don’t want to spend another night soaking the sheets.

And I was starting to feel super confident that my nasal steroid was going to keep this from happening.

The Amazing Healing Power of Cupcake Batter

So, in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been a bit of a pill lately.
Perhaps it was lack of verbalizing what was bothering me (Steve’s not very supportive when it comes to work matters, in fact, his lack of enthusiasm tends to be conversely proportionate to my anger level).
So Heather and I had a good talk, in which she listened and defended my thoughts and then I satisfied that craving for sweet and sour chicken.
After which I ate some cupcake batter (come on, like you never have) and took a long hot shower.
This morning, I realized that if I just come to the conclusion that I can not change this situation and that I am not the problem, things will roll off my shoulders.  Perhaps, this will be fodder for the next unfinished book.

I confessed to Heather that I was afraid that falling back into my old eating habits (i.e. solving problems via food) I would completely lose sight of my goals.  However (much to Heather’s prediction) I am back on the wagon this morning.  Breakfast of fruit/oatmeal, lunch of salad and something good for dinner.  Back onto water because thirsting myself doesn’t solve anything.

I am glad that I am back in touch with my feelings.

An Inconvenient Truth

I slide over to my coworker, “Dude, he POINTS with this middle finger.”
“I don’t really think he was pointing.”
“Neither do I.”

Seriously, What is going on with my emotions?!

Holy crap.
I’m a bear today.  I was a bear last night.
I am seriously unhinged and I can’t pinpoint why.
Even right now, I’m festering, but I don’t know what’s set me off.
The Office Agitator started with me already this morning and I frankly told him, “Look, I’m not really in a mood for humor, so if I seem bearish,  it’s nothing personal.”

Holy Shit, what is happening to me?!

And here I thought we were all adults

Since starting the prescription regime, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been really mad… you know, so mad that I realize it… which used to be ALL THE TIME.
So there’s a new person around and they’re basically taking over the duties I took over when we had a shift in management.  No big, I got over that part.
Perhaps this is a good time to bring up a good point.  I have a VERY hard time dealing with you if you don’t respect me.
Right, so this person comes up and asks me a reasonable question. I begin to answer, realize an error and begin to explain how/why this may have happened.  At this point, someone else walks up to the questionee, doesn’t say anything to them, waits for our conversation to end and the questionee turns towards the new arrivee and proceeds to hold a conversation with them.
I WASN’T EVEN IN BETWEEN SENTENCES.  I WAS BETWEEN WORDS.
At this point, my jaw just drops open.  SassyInnerVoice pulls a “Oh no you didn’t.”  I am shocked.  Awed.
Really?  Did you just decide to end your conversation with me?  While I was talking?
When their conversation is over, the questionee goes back to the appropriate location in the cube farm.  Doesn’t apologize, doesn’t try to pick up the conversation… ( I came back to write this next part of the paragraph while I was re-reading/revising)  And he just asked someone else the same question… (back to original thoughts)
I turn to my co-worker and ask if that really just happened.  She nods.
And now I’m beyond pissed.
This is after a conversation we had this morning where they were trying to explain a report to me that I used to handle.  Like I’m an idiot.  And tells me many times how important it is to get the answers on this problem as the customer is waiting.  I explain that I am in the middle of something and I can get to it soon.  I then hear them ask two other people (who have little to no experience with the account) to help him.  But when YOU ask for something…
And we’re not an overtly nosy group.  If you’re sick and you leave, we don’t come out with a “he was puking all over the place so he left.”  We’re “He left.” receptionists.  Questionee is pumping us for information… DUDE, they left.  What else do you need to know?
It’s almost like if he doesn’t like or agree with the answer, he will ask more people until he’s satisfied.  Maybe he thinks we’re lying to him and he’s checking for inconsistencies.

My quandary is how to tell this person that if they don’t respect me, I will not help them; but keeping with Office Friendly Conversation.  I’ve been working really hard to keep my emotional tenderness is check, but I’m really upset about this.

Seriously, I almost threw up…

And the purring!  Seriously.
1) I have the heat on, it’s not that cold
2) This happens ALL THE TIME.  In fact, they’re doing it right now.
I figured that if I almost threw up, you should too.

And this is just for good measure.

The Variety(s)

1) We’re watching TV the other night and I’m basically looking for background noise while I play Suduku.
I decide that I am going to watch PBS while channel surfing.
Then there’s something on E! about the sexist jobs in Hollywood (yawn).  So I listen to that while Steve does him homework.  A commerical comes on and I flip back to the original program “Antiques Roadshow”.
Steve looks up from his paperwork, towards the TV, towards me and towards the TV again.
He barely gets out a syllable and I am already defending my range of programs.

2) I locate my Windsor Pilates DVD and decide that there’s nothing better to do then work my core for an hour.  While I’m attempting one of the asinine moves, I decide on concentrate on the background music.  I’m listening to it and it’s sounding familiar… then I realized that it sounded like music from a porno.