28 01 2009

635am: Wake up, get in shower
715am: Exit shower, realizing that you fell asleep in the shower. Ask husband how much shit he’s going to give you for staying home.
718am: Call into work while on your way to grocery to pick up medicine*
737am: Realize that you’ve been sitting on the floor in front of the Benedryl for 10 minutes.
759am: Take two Benedryl and some ginger ale. Retreat to bed.
130pm: Parched, go downstairs for ginger ale. Eat some ravioli. Discuss state of illness with husband. He had issues assembling condensed soup.
215pm: Pass out.
520pm: Wake up, make tacos.
615pm: Pass out.
800pm: Nightmares start.
930pm: Husband wakes you up to go to bed.
932pm: Pass out.
630am Wednesday: Wake up thankful that your body has it’s cool to go to work.

*Q:”Why don’t you just go to the doctor and get antibiotics?”
A: Because they never work and the side effects are almost as unpleasant as the infliction.


29 12 2008

The good news is that I’ve already been awake longer today than I was yesterday.
While trying to maintain consciousness at work, this means all the Christmas Joy is at home on the camera.

Quick Version:
– Did not end up with “The Crappy Gift” at the white elephant exchange*
– Only slight badgering about childless relationship status.
Bonus: Many witnesses to MIL/SMS admitting that she would pay for our trip to Europe.**
– Delightful Christmas morning with The Mister and The Beans.
Booty to me included: FANTASTIC new earrings, Ninjatown, Cooking Coach, antiquing book, Happy Bunny Calendar, gym stuff
Booty to The Mister included: Authentic Vintage 91-92 Sabres Jersey, iPod Docking station, candy
Booty to us from M&D: Reindeer dressed in “Takey Outey” t-shirt, shirts, the most confusing bar game ever***
– 21 +/- Pair of socks****. “How many years have I asked for socks?”, “Every year.”, “And how many years have I gotten socks?”, “none.”
– Decent Christmas at SMS’.
Booty Included: Shiatsu massaging chairbackthing, Viva La Juicy perfume (surprised the hell out of me), work clothes, gym stuff
– Friday night I drank a bit and thought it was a hangover making me feel like crap, but no, it’s a sinus infection.  You can find me by the trail of yellow/green tissues.
– ‘lissa and I went to the Sabres game on Saturday and had The Most Horrible Restaurant Experience Ever*****.
Bonus: Sabres won in a shoot-out meaning we’re allowed to return to the arena (as the boys are wicked superstisious)
– Spent all of Sunday sleeping, sneezing, snoting and snoring.  This unfortunate turn of events prevented me from spending an anniversary proper with The Mister.  Yesterday marked our SEVENTH YEAR together.

Do tell, how was your Holiday Experience?

* White Elephant Exchange: Procure a somewhat useless gift (like, a wet/dry vac), wrap and place in a pile. All gifters get a number denoting what order you pick a gift. Higher numbers have the choice to “steal” a gift from a lower number, ensuring chaos and lament.
** Stephanie’s Motto: Marriage-dog-Europe-Children.
*** Message left on M&D’s machine: “WHAT THE FU*K is this thing?!?!”
**** 6 from M&D, 5 from Steve, 4 from J&J, 6 from SMS’
***** Let’s say it invovled seeing a rodent AFTER placing food order and drinking from glasses.  N.Y.S.D.O.H anyone?

But Moooomm! I Don’t Want to get Sick!

29 08 2008

At the docs on Wendesday, the nurse took my tempature.
“Oh, that’s not too bad.” she comments.  Then she looks at my chart.
I typically run cold, about 97 degrees or so (that’s um, 32 Celsius?).
“Well, there is a new infection going around…” as she puffs up the BP cuff around my arm.  “It starts off like allergies, then it kicks your butt.”


So it’s eight last night (and I did a full workout after work) and I’m this side of comatose.
I go up to bed around 8:45.

“Hey Steph, I gotta go.” Says Steve.
“Aren’t you coming to bed?”
“Uh, no.  I’m going to work.”
“I have to go to work now.”
“It’s morning?”
“Oh, that sucks.”

And on a long weekend?  Come one body, why would you do that to me?!
(and for all of you motherly types, I am taking medicine…)

What it’s Like

29 05 2008

Should you be so lucky as to not have the sheer JOY of seasonal allergies, let me help you.

First, tip your head and fill your ear with water.  Then stuff a cotton ball inside. Repeat on the other side.
Now wrap your head in a fluffy pillow, duct taping it to your forehead.
Have someone punch you directly under each eye.
Fill your nose with jell-o.  Make sure that when you lie down all the jell-o goes to one side of your face.
Drink a lot of liquor so when you sit up, you can feel everything sloshing around in your head and you feel discombobulated (as opposed to combobulated).
Drip honey through your nose so it runs down the back of your throat making you have a non-productive cough.  And when you cough, make sure that the honey/jell-o mixture gets pushed back up into your nasal cavities.
Have another person punch you above your eyes.
Make sure that the rest of your body wants to get going and run around, but you feel like a bobble-head and like you’re going to faceplant if you stand up, let alone attempt jogging.
Amplify all the close sounds (like hair brushing against your shirt) and dampen all the far away noises (like your boss talking).
Get some cardboard/packing peanuts/newspaper.  Draw a super delicious food on it.  Then eat it.  Oh, it looks like pizza, but tastes like NOTHING.
Convince yourself to have dreams of your father receiving dental work while your entire family watches.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

Pro to the Con

1 02 2008

Being sick for the better part of the week (like the better part of the office/shop) makes me not hungry.
Not tasting food = Not enjoying food = Not eating.
I know, I know, it’s not what you’re supposed to do.
I know I need to eat and it’s not that I wasn’t eating, I just wasn’t eating my way through the day.
Last night at Fat Camp, I was down 3.6 pounds which puts me back at my Pre-Christmas Weight.  One more pound and I’m back to Pre-Thanksgiving.
Just call it the Swallow-Your-Weight-In-Snot diet.
Worked for me.

I detest being sick

27 01 2008

I should have known something was up on Friday when I passed my box of tea in the kitchen and decided that tea would trump coffee.
(There’s some subconscious thing that happens when I get sick that I only want to drink tea and ginger ale… weird, I know)
By the time I got to the office, I felt a slight tingle in my throat and I figured that it was because I forgot to turn the humidifier on before bed.
After lunch I was coughing.
When I got home I took a nap.
By 10pm, I thought I was going to pass out on the table at the company party.
I didn’t sleep much, mainly due to the cold sweats and body pain.
Yesterday wasn’t much better.
Today I am feeling a  bit better, not like I should, but at least I don’t feel like curling up into the fetal position for 24 hours.
Hopefully this is the end of this bout, because really, I don’t want to spend another night soaking the sheets.

And I was starting to feel super confident that my nasal steroid was going to keep this from happening.