Bailey Meets an Endangered Species

29 06 2010

"Naw Bailey! Dat's mmmyyyyyy sea turtle!"

So what if I got a Webkin?
It reminds me of when we went to Mexico and I opted to pass on a fire-onyx-and-other-gemstones turtle in a jewelers store and when I decided I wanted it, we couldn’t remember which store it was at… “Where’s that damn turtle?” is now a phrase we use when it’s time to shit or get off the pot.


13 08 2009

“Central Control? Buzzy McBuzzington here. Do you copy? over.”
“Buzzy McBuzzington. This is central control. We copy you. over”
“Okay Central, I’m going in.”
“Godspeed McBuzzington.”

“Central Control?”
“I’m closing in on the target. From this range, the deposits do not look as plentiful as on the original read outs.”
“Alright Buzzy, we did some recon, if you head behind you, you should find a larger cache.”
“Oh my way. Over.”

“Yes Buzzy?”
“You were correct about the rations here. Proceeding to dock.”

(sounds of miniature rover disembarking)


"Human. From here, you look like you're not feeding me and that makes me melancholy"

Potential Prize AND Proof that Bailey is a Supermodel AND Being Constructive

14 09 2008

Okay, so there is a potential prize on the line, seeing as I’ll be downtown and the bevy of um, stuff, will be ENORMOUS.
Everyone who doesn’t know me IRL is welcome to play (Sorry Melissa and Mom and Dad).
Here’s the quizzy. Steve and I went out tonight and following are some quips we exchanged.
But, where is it that we went?!!
Out of everyone who guesses right, I’ll pick one and send something. Value TBD, but the bragging rights will probably be worth more.
Post your guess in the comment section.
Let the game begin!
Hint 1)
him: you know, now would be his opportunity to shoot him.
me: Steven! A mime is a terrible thing to waste!

Hint 2)
me, thick: I don’t think we dropped enough acid beforehand (note: we’d never drop acid, freaking out is not in our book)
him: That or there’s some bad acid going around.

Hint 3)
me: You totally have to find the South Park episode where they [did what we’re doing]

And go!

Our Beases is a pretty, gorgeous girl.
Shining fur, happy eyes, great disposition…
However, she is a bit dull.

While Steve helped me bring in the groceries, he also decided to “trap” Bailey with the grocery bags.

Finally, her brain gives up and she decides to wait it out.

Why yes, that is a festive fall scarf she’s wearing. Why yes, I did sew it myself. Thanks for noticing!

And here she is carrying a snake that is wrapped around her neck. Because you know, it needs carrying.

Also, Kali pulled me aside and let me know that she doesn’t get enough mention on stopbouncing.

That’s Puffy Buffy on the left and K-bird on the right.
(I’d like to mention that we do not live in squalor, it’s that EVERYONE decides to throw up on the only colored carpet in the house and NUMEROUS steam cleanings and spot cleanings later, nothing gets up pet vomit. The flash makes it worse.)


Finally, we went out for a friends b-day last night and we got in late.
Seeing as neither one of us had to drive, well, we indulged.
This morning I wake up and realize what I did while this side of conscious.
me, laughing: Holy shit, I gave Buffy a bath last night!
him: What?
me, hysterical: Seriously, I gave Buff a bath last night!
him: when!?
me: right before bed!  I soaped her up and rinsed her off and wrapped her in a towel and brought her to bed!
him: Last night?
me: yeah!  Who says that people aren’t constructive when they’re drunk?!


4 08 2008

“The weather gods just can’t seem to put two good days together.

The maddening on-again, off-again weather pattern remains in the forecast, according to the National Weather Service.”

That is the forecast according to my city’s lone newspaper.
“Maddening”?  Really?
I’m not driven insane by the weather… in fact, yesterday was super nice and today is supposed to be nice, so let me count here, that’s TWO nice days in a row.
Plus, my weeds are getting a nice watering.

The in-laws are coming over tonight.
Last week we were going to have a cookout, but Steve’s near-exploding appendix put the kabosh on that.  On the menu: BBQ chicken breast, Roasted veggies, homemade pasta salad and ice cream sammiches!
We’re getting the dogs together because his parents don’t believe me when I say that Elise has been over before.
This picture absolutely proves that, as usual, I am right.

by the way, it’s worth mentioning that Elsie is slightly less evil now that she has an electric fence.  Also, this photo does not show her in the best light.
We’re slated to dog watch next week.

* “Baroo?” by the way, is the noise that your dog would make when she tilts her head 180 degrees, because as we all know, head tilting increases comprehension.

So Gross!

23 06 2008

CurlyWurlyGurly, you need to send your “people” over here in a few years as I just undertook the NASTIEST task I’ve done in a while.

Chunky pet vomit.   Got nothing on this.
Having to wipe cold pee off a public toilet seat.  Child’s Play.
Unknown hair in your food.  Mere pish-posh.

This whole thing started yesterday when I was talking to MomandDad.
“…And on top of everything, I think the fridge is going.”
“Well, think about how old it is.” (I was still in high school when we got the fridge)
“Yeah, I know, so you know, another straw…”
Dad pipes up.  “Did you vacuum it lately?”
“Ah-ha-ha-ha.  That’s a good one.”
“Seriously, with the cats and stuff, the intake is probably full of fur.”
“So you’re not kidding?”
“You mean you’ve never vacuumed the intake?”
“That would be a no.”

Apparently, whenever I got my homeowners manual, I must have skipped over the part about vacuuming the underpart of your fridge to keep it working.

Vacuum in hand, I lay on the floor and pop off the grating on the bottom of the unit, and release a  million dust bunnies in the process.
Coughing and sneezing, I jab the extension into the opening and watch the canister fill.
I hear this slight popping noise (“pffft.  pfft.  ppftt.”) and pull out the wand.  There was a hairball on the end of it that was large enough to put a collar on and sell to Paris Hilton as a pet.
I nearly gagged.
After getting the hairball dislodged, I took a couple more jabs under the fridge because there is no way I am going back in there anytime soon.

Okay, for comparison… if we wait a while (like a week, HEY, we’re busy folks) to vacuum, we’ll have two canisters of fur.
The Fridge Expedition yielded a canister.

Dear god, Steve gets that job next time the fridge start sputtering.

Unsolicited Love for The Furminator

12 05 2008

Oh, Furminator, how do I love thee?

Ends up that the hairball with legs that made random appearances is actually Buffy.  I swear that I am not kidding when I say that she looks five pounds lighter.  And totally less like a stray cat who found her way into my living room.  And she almost looks happy.  Keyword being almost.
How much fur did I get off her initially?  Okay, cup your hands together like you were holding a grapefruit.  Now instead of a grapefruit, imagine compressed fur.
Ew, right?
Yesterday while I was looking for shower curtains, Buffy came upstairs and I got another couple good handfuls of fur off  her rump.
And here we were blaming Bailey for the fur problems…

As for Bailey, we gave her a brushing and without a lot of time/effort, we had two dustpans full of fur BEFORE sweeping (yield: 2 more pans).

Supposedly, this is product reduces shedding by 90%.  Granted, it was $35 (and came with free water-free shampoo.  Buffy now smells like an air freshener.) but I figure to keep the fur-dust-bunnies out of the hallway, it’s a small price to pay…

I heart The Furminator.

Gluttony and Sloth are Still Sins? Drat, there goes my chances.

24 03 2008

For any/all of you that were waiting on baited breath for me to post since last week sometime, I’ve been out of town visiting my family.
Seeing as I have about three days of work to catch up on (despite being out for one day), I should (hahahhaa) be able to upload pictures and tell more in-depth stories tonight/tomorrow.
But here’s the nutshell version:

* Bailey met her doggy cousins and much playing, butt sniffing, ear nomming and sleeping ensued.
* We ate.  And drank.  But not as much as usual.  My cousin makes a mean pasta sauce.  And WICKED pottery.  Recipe and pictures to follow.  While I cannot claim to not be hungover this Easter, there was no pulling over on the way to brunch.
* I want, nay, need, a house in the middle of nowhere.  FIOS be damned.
* Cancer sucks and I do not approve of it.

kali (thinks she) is a Dog

7 03 2008

Here is your dose of tooth decay (coincidence that XM is playing “Sugar Sugar” by The Archies, I think not).

Last weekend, I was playing on the internets, as you can see by my lower half in the pic.  And Steve’s bouncing around trying to get me to look at Kali.  Finally, I’m like, “what?” and he points to Bailey’s Bed (read: toy collector).

If you look amongst the toys, you may see a little gray and white kitty SLEEPING IN BAILEY’S BED.
This is not the first time she’s disrespected Bailey’s personal space.  There is a picture in the original K.Wo.B. post.  She often eats B’s food, drinks her water and playfully bats around dog toys.
If Kali could sing “Na na nana na” she certainly would.
Kali’s primping is a fine example of how cats and dogs can get along.
Granted, it took a few cat-slap-to-dog-faces to learn but we’re pretty sure that Kali is the dog and Bailey is the cat.
Some day we’ll get video of Bailey purring and weaving between legs.

Kali, I ask you why.

8 02 2008

meow.  meow meow mewmew meow.

(loosely translated, “Why must you dig your claws into my leg while you’re sleeping?”)

Seriously, I almost threw up…

20 01 2008

And the purring!  Seriously.
1) I have the heat on, it’s not that cold
2) This happens ALL THE TIME.  In fact, they’re doing it right now.
I figured that if I almost threw up, you should too.
The Gooeyness

And this is just for good measure.

Good Measure