Two Things: “Why We Have a Dog” and “Sometimes Jokes Aren’t Jokes”

27 10 2008

Why We Have a Dog

After an evening of poor, poor judgment, I awaken in the bathroom, dehydrated and cotton-mouthed.  I call out, “Steve.”  A few minutes later… “Steve!”  After no response (the man can sleep though anything) “STEVE!”
“Muh?”
“Can you get me a glass of water and a straw please?”
“Um, I’m having a bit of hard time myself.”
“Oh.”
“I have some gatorade though.”
“I don’t think I should get up.” I say.  “Can you give it to Bailey and she can bring it to me?”
“Bailey, get down.  No.  Down.  Get down.  Take nice.  No, get down.  Come here.  Take nice.  nice.  It’s okay.  Good girl.  Go show mommy.”
“Beeze!  Whatchagot?”
In comes Bailey with a bottle of sweet delicious gatorade, which she drops on my blanket.

Sometimes Jokes Aren’t Jokes
We often joke about the chinese food place we frequent.
Actually, we joke about every chinese food place, because that’s how we roll.
I finally feel like I’m ready to face the world after sleeping on the sofa all day and we head out to pick up some AV equipment with the intention of hooking up with some wonton soup.
We’re in the plaza across from chinese food place and I mention that it looks dark [at the restaurant].
We drive over and there is a sign on the door, “Close Today”.
Frantic, we find another CFP and joke that our CFP must have been serving cat.
This morning, I’m listening to the radio while getting dressed and I hear that our CFP is closing due to (wait for it) the butchering of a deer.
The Health department isn’t sure if it was roadkill or what, but less to say, um…. yeah…

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8 responses

27 10 2008
Lucky

AWWWW! What a sweet dog!! 🙂

OMG…GROSS. Tell me you are familiar with engrish.com 🙂

SB Sez: The B is a good good good dog. She even curled herself around my head to keep the cat off my swollen brain. And I totally subscribed to engrish.com you can imagine the jokes that this incident has created (“Number 8: Ti Ni Do”, “Get a doe for a buck”, blah blah blah.)

27 10 2008
Melissa

Holy crap, what did you guys do to yourselves?? I miss all the funz.

SB Sez: Let’s say I learned my lesson of why I drink beer and not vodka (despite how good it is with Tahitian Treat)

27 10 2008
Michele

mmm VODKA. It has been so long. 😐 That is really gross about the Chinese food place! I wouldn’t go back there even if they do re-open. I tell ya’ the best Chinese Food is in Canada at a little place called The China Star in Port Colborne. I can’t eat American chinese anymore. It’s so darn icky!

SB Sez: What is it about Canadian chinese food that makes it so much better then American Chinese? We usually hit up “Happy Jack’s” right in Fort Erie. I am seriously scarred from this incident… and I heart(ed) our Sunday Chinese/movie tradition.

27 10 2008
thegnukid

Beautiful dog story! I’m still smiling. “Man’s Best Friend”? Hell, i’m thinking you’re saying “Woman’s Best Friend!!”

I like chinese and often call for take out… amazingly, no matter what i order, the nice phone lady always says, “’bout 5 minute ready.”

SB Sez: Deer/pigeon/cat must be more plentiful in Ohio. We get “Ten minute, k?”

28 10 2008
Michele

Oh I don’t know what makes the canadian chinese food so much better. Happy Jacks is okay…..but ummmmm China Star UMMMMM. We drive up there in the winter to ‘check on the cottage’ oh and hey we could stop for Chinese food!!!!! 🙂

SB Sez: oh, yeah, check on the cottage *wink wink* hey, and you know, why pass up a food place?

28 10 2008
curlywurlygurly

i am FAINTING from the CF story. ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. i hate chinese food and only eat chinese once every leap year, or so, and i only go for the fried noodles and duck sauce.

ewwwww. ewwwwww. ewwwwwwwwww. i’m violated and crying now.

ps. your dog sounds great!!!!

SB Sez: You’re violated? I’m the one who ate there almost every Sunday. And Beezis is great. I will make sure to tell her you said so.

29 10 2008
thedailydish

Dogs are the BEST! 🙂

As for the Chinese place… We used to frequent a restaurant in the suburbs where I grew up. The place was eventually cited – NOT SURE IT WAS CLOSED THOUGH – for (I KID YOU NOT) serving ROADKILL. The food was remarkably delicious.. I do not know what is scarier – the fact that they were serving roadkill or the fact that I liked it so much.

SB Sez: Oh thank goodness! I felt the same way! “If that’s how roadkill tastes…”

30 11 2008
Mr. Bill

We so solly, we taut it wa big dog wit tee banch caut in ear. We help. I toed Mama “no no tart at head to get out”, she no lisen… I give you exta duck sauce. Ten minute, OK.

SB Sez: one of the radio stations dressed up their intern as a deer and when China King was like “no” the intern was all “what? you don’t serve deer?”

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