Inspired by Lucky’s Love Letters, I am so totally stealing the idea… switching gears from hiaku to “letters best not sent”, I present “Letters Best not Sent”.
Dear “Most Annoying Sabres Fan, Ever” Who Sits One Seat Up and Over,
Dear Other Sabres Fans Section 308,
You’re in the 300s, they can’t hear you.
Dear “Most Annoying Sabres Fan, Ever”,
If you know so goddamn much about hockey, how come the NHL hasn’t called you to coach?
Dear Sassy Teenagers Who Wander Around Downtown When You Should be in School,
I recommend visiting The Rath Building. That’s where the social services offices are located and I’m sure you’ll be there soon enough.
Dear Bald Guy Across the Building,
Do you have any idea how hard it is not to enter your office and rub my hand across your head to elicit a “squee squee squee” noise?
To the Sofa Salesman at Sofas Etc.,
First, when I ask to see information regarding the specifics of the sofa, it does not mean you give me warranty information. Second, when I ask for information regarding the sofa, don’t nudge my husband and refer to me as “studious”. Third, we’re buying a sofa, not a car. Please don’t ask us to “make an offer” and you’ll take it to your manager. Do you think we’re stupid enough to overpay for a piece and then have you lower the price only to “add on” the warranty. P.S. the statute for cushion warranty in NY is five years, not seven.
(repeat from Lucky’s post)
Dear Co-Worker With a Case of Overshare,
Please do not tell me about your period.