What it’s Like

29 05 2008

Should you be so lucky as to not have the sheer JOY of seasonal allergies, let me help you.

First, tip your head and fill your ear with water.  Then stuff a cotton ball inside. Repeat on the other side.
Now wrap your head in a fluffy pillow, duct taping it to your forehead.
Have someone punch you directly under each eye.
Fill your nose with jell-o.  Make sure that when you lie down all the jell-o goes to one side of your face.
Drink a lot of liquor so when you sit up, you can feel everything sloshing around in your head and you feel discombobulated (as opposed to combobulated).
Drip honey through your nose so it runs down the back of your throat making you have a non-productive cough.  And when you cough, make sure that the honey/jell-o mixture gets pushed back up into your nasal cavities.
Have another person punch you above your eyes.
Make sure that the rest of your body wants to get going and run around, but you feel like a bobble-head and like you’re going to faceplant if you stand up, let alone attempt jogging.
Amplify all the close sounds (like hair brushing against your shirt) and dampen all the far away noises (like your boss talking).
Get some cardboard/packing peanuts/newspaper.  Draw a super delicious food on it.  Then eat it.  Oh, it looks like pizza, but tastes like NOTHING.
Convince yourself to have dreams of your father receiving dental work while your entire family watches.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

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5 responses

29 05 2008
Melissa

Poor Stephanie 😦

29 05 2008
curlywurlygurly

sign me up!!!! sounds more fun than what’ i’m going through.

here’s my interpretation of a kidney stone: take a reeeallly long SERRATED kitchen knife, thrust repeatedly in your back. fall to the ground in pain and have someone wearing steel toed boots and possibly cowboy spurs kick you repeatedly in the kidney vicinity. pee lots of blood and feel like death will come to take you at any moment–and you’d welcome that option.
the end. 🙂

29 05 2008
curlywurlygurly

but seriously…allergies are evil in their own right. husbandito is PLAGUED with them and he’s always a bit wonky. i hope you feel mucho better soon. 😀

29 05 2008
Michele

ALLERGIES!!!!! GRRRR! I totally understand your plight and would really like to taste some chocolate again…..And nothing is helping right now! I love and hate the warmer weather…at least in the deep freeze I don’t feel so shitty! If you find something that works please oh, please share the wealth!

29 05 2008
stopbouncing

I was doped up on Maximum Strength Severe Allergy Benedryl yesterday and that seriously dried up my sinus’ but it also knocked me on my ass.
Today I’m on Tylenol Sinus and I’m dry but I think my head is around here somewhere.

Plus, I’m eating more then usual because I can’t really taste specifics and for a foodie like me, this is bad. (Glares at “strawberry” yogert, knowing it’s cool and sweetish, but nothing like strawberries)

I’ve also been trying to flush out my sinus’ with saline and that’s done nothing but make me cough. Though steaming seems to help loosen things up… (get some steaming water in a sink or large bowl and cover with a towel and breathe in deeply through your nose and out of your mouth. fun.)

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