Not Ending Up on the News: Part 2

17 03 2009

And now, the thrilling conclusion!

Seeing as my dear reader(s) are confused by the initial issue, I will switch up.
“D” will now be Diane. Diane is a friend of “C”/”Charlotte” and we have not met up to this point. Diane has been communicating (when she does) via email/interwebs.
“C” will be Charlotte.
“M” will be Melissa (sssshhhh, not her real name), my bestie.
Day of the Shower

Melissa & I picked up the last minute things… our spread included: a deli tray/fixings, snacks…Oh, and all those balloons (21 latex, 4 mylar and one really big one for Charlotte’s table).



Did I mention that this winery doesn’t serve food (addressed from Diane in a “duh.” manner)? So in addition to bringing food, we also had to pack bowls/serving things so people could serve the food.
Somehow we got all take-out* with packing the trunk and we were on our way.
The invitation (you know, the one I got, despite PLANNING THE SHOWER) gave a city that’s about an hour from Casa Mak.  Shower was slated to start at 3; Diane requested a 230 arrival. We were early. Diane et crew had already arrived. Upon arrival we were barraged by the World’s Most Annoying Woman.
WMAW (who was not small by any means) jammed her entire body in front of the trunk of YOT and started tugging at bunches of balloons.
I calmly told her that the balloons are tied to the hitches. I may have as well said “purple elephant telephone” because WMAW kept tugging then pretty much yelled at me to untie the balloons. Did I mention that WMAW was Diane’s mom?  Easy to see where she got her social skills.
WMAW mentioned that she had the heaviest items [25 balloons]! Perhaps she thought it was really funny and because none of us laughed, it bared repeating. Again.  And again.
Being Mistress of Delegation, I started asking people to do things. Decorations went up, bowls were filled, rolls arranged…meanwhile, Diane had disappeared.
I found her at the wine bar, laughing with a group of [I assume] guests.
“Oh, excuse me, Diane? So, how’s this work, do we just bring our glasses over to the bar?”
Diane turned on her heels and in a “duh” way, she says “Yeah.” And turned back to her group.
I inhaled again and saw it was just a little after three.
It gets to be around 3:45-ish and Diane decided that WE MUST EAT NOW because “I’m hungry and I don’t care if anyone else is.”
While Charlotte’s table was up getting food, Diane came over.  “So, did you guys bring any door prizes?” I inhaled, hopefully not obviously because I promised Steve I would be nice, “Well, Diane, you booked the room for two hours.  It’s already almost 4 and no one has eaten yet. Charlotte hasn’t opened presents and when exactly did you think we’d be able to play games?”
Diane stood up, miffed, “I guess you’re right.” And away she went. This would be the last thing she said to me and I to her.
BTW, for the record, no one else brought door prizes.  Read: She expected us to pick up the extra expense for something that had already become quite expensive.
Diane announced it was time for cake. At this point, I’m REALLY interested to see what she has up her sleeve.
There were two round cakes. One was ¾ blue, to look like a pram. With a quarter-sized orange spot on it, decorated to look like a baby’s face. The other, I believe, was decorated with a face to make it look like a baby’s face. See, when I hear “really cute cake”, I tend to think of a cake with some layering or fondant on it; the opposite of what you’d see on

it wants your soul (not the actual cake)

it wants your soul (not the actual cake)

Charlotte opened gifts and held them up and we coo’d.
*Be doo bee Be Doo. Be doo bee be doo* (That’s my impersonation of a cell phone)
Charlotte stopped opening and stared at the cell-phone owner.
“Yeah.  At a baby shower. For a  while. Why? What’d he say?” and we got to listen to this woman’s conversation.
No sooner had Charlotte finished opening gifts, Diane announced that we need to start cleaning up.
My troop packed up what we brought because at this point, we (all four of us) were about ready to snap at Diane.
One trip and everything was back in YOT. We even take Charlotte’s stuff to her truck. The four of us were LOADED up with booty and WMAW mentions “You FORGOT the Diet Pepsi”. Oh, and why didn’t Diane help? Because she was busy at the bar, haggling with the owner over the price of something…
Oh, and typically, at showers, you get a little something to take home… I’ve gotten candles or candy… we got (wait for it) wine glasses. Unpersonalized wine glasses because Diane “didn’t have an accurate head count”.
Thank goodness I found that out at the end because, as Incubus sang, “Blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground”.

When Charlotte hugged Melissa and I good-bye, she whispered how thankful she was for everything we did for her.

And really, that’s all I wanted… for Charlotte to have a nice shower. And I know she loved that we brought pickles.

Provisions for thirty were purchased.  Turn out? 21-24.

*referring to the insane packing where you get a 2”x2” box and approximately 47 pounds of lo mien…



11 responses

17 03 2009

sod incubus!
how did you not repeatedly punch her in the face?

17 03 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

Oh, I thought about it. Also thought about hitting over the head with a wine bottle, stealing her wallet, rubbing her face in the ugly cakes… But I promised Steve that I would behave.

17 03 2009

darn those promises!!!

at least you were lady like and did not have to be bailed o jail!

17 03 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

Oh I know, for once I kept my temper. I do believe this qualifies me for canonization. “Saint Stephanie” has a nice ring to it. Patron saint of holding-your-tongue-because-a-baby-shower-is-no-place-for-a-throwdown.

17 03 2009
Dennis the Vizsla

Egad! She sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen.

That baby cake is creepy. I’m sure I’m going to have a nightmare about it tonight …

17 03 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

*creepy voice* babbbyyyy cakkkkeee wants youuurrrr blue fuurrryyy consssssslllllllaaaaaation prizzzzzzeeeee.

17 03 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

Seeing as my dear reader(s) are confused by the initial issue…

“D” will now be Diane. Diane is a friend of “C”/”Charlotte” and we have not met.
“C” will be Charlotte.
“M” will be Melissa (sssshhhh, not her real name), my bestie.

17 03 2009

I could see a wedding shower being at a winery…but a baby shower (since she shouldn’t be drinking) being there might be questionable.

18 03 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

I guess “now” you’re allowed to have a glass of wine or a beer here and there.
We’ll see what tomorrow’s rules are.
But, like “Diane” said, I’d need to understand her and “Charlotte”‘s relationship to understand why it HAD to be at a winery.
Just glad it’s over…

17 03 2009

just one more reason i’m staying safely entrenched in the kid-free zone.

thanks for the name clarifications…i was going nutty. hope there won’t be a test–i’m still hazy on the balloon-tugging freak.

18 03 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

balloon tugger= “Diane”‘s Mom
It was the most ill-planned shower I’ve ever been to.
Sheesh, and to think, I didn’t even touch how our/my table was ostracized…

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