I am not an Animallllllll!!!!

6 07 2010

We spent Saturday morning with a friends who argues with you about EVERYTHING.
Seriously, if you say off-handedly that the sky is a loverly color of azure today, he will argue with you that it’s more royal then azure. He argued with my MIL over her not having heard the phrase “horse whisperer”.

Knowing this, I try not to make any statements that could be interpreted as opinion.

“What’s it like being pregnant?”, he asks.
A reasonable question. “Meh. Not so bad… pretty much like usual, though I have a bit of a belly to contend with and sometimes the baby beats the living snot out of me or makes me a bit uncomfortable…”
In a I-can’t-wait-to-hear-what-you-say-to-this-voice, he asks, “So what are you going to do about camping** this year?”
“What do you mean?”
Frustrated, he says, “Are you going to go?”
“Hell yes I’m going.”
He is appalled that I would say such a thing, not the swearing, but the admittance that I’m going. “Aren’t you afraid?!”
I’m confused. “Afraid of what?”
‘Duh Woman’-tone, “Falling on rocks and stuff?”
“No more than usual. I’ve already lost sight of my feet.”
“I’m just sayin’, is all…”
And I come back with my stock response to unsolicited advice, “Okay.”
“No, I’m just sayin’…”
And, well, I’ll avoid boring you with the back and forth.

As an aside, I’m presuming that most of my vigilant readers understand that being knocked up isn’t really setting me back in my pace of life. Sure, there’s a few things here and there I can’t do, but it’s not that I’m lazing about, demanding Steve to fetch me Stouffer’s Mac&Cheese. For the most part, I’m pretty much doing what I’ve always done, just with more breaks and an occasional “oomph” or other such noise of exertion.

Our friend, through no fault of his own, has a disability which has allows him a handicapped parking tag. While at one of our stops, I “oof!” myself into the truck and he remarks, “I should have brought my parking tag! Then we could have parked closer!” (BTW, we were like, 3 spots from the door…)
I remark, “We’re not that far.”
“We could have parked closer!”
“Why would we need to park closer?”
I sigh. “I am. But I’m fine.”
“But then you wouldn’t have to walk so far!”
“I am pregnant, not disabled, I can walk.” I say, perhaps a bit too gruffly. Steve snickers.
“I’m just sayin’….”
“And I’m just saying that I’m capable of walking 20 feet to the door. BUT THANK YOU.”

Those few pregnant ladies who choose to play The Pregnancy Card are giving the rest of us a bad name… seems that no one listens to me when I’m pregnant; if I would have wanted to sit/had seconds/use the bathroom rightthiseverysecond, I would have said something.
It’s almost like 75% of my converstations are arguements based since I CLEARLY do not know what I need.
This is frusterating.

*Technically, he’s Steve’s friend, but you know how that absorption thing happens…
** Our annual camping trip takes place in mid-late September, I’m in early October. “Camping” loosely translates into “3-days of drinking” and “binge eating”.Β  Example 1. Example 2.
*** Holy shit! When the hell did that happen?!?!




14 responses

6 07 2010

Not an animal? Then explain the hooves.

6 07 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

Satan has hooves and he’s not a total animal.

6 07 2010

well hell…I must always be pregnant.l’m constantly falling over rocks and things and demanding Mac and cheese/chocolate or whatever craving I have at the moment. I always want to park by the door..I’m too tired to walk further and the old knees make me oommph every time I get up.
geez..I’ve been pregnant for 5 years now and didn’t know it. does that get me on that crazy show “I didn’t know I was pregnant”

6 07 2010
Michele D.

I hate the people that think because you are pregnant you cannot do anything!!! One of my students commented right before I had Mia that I shouldn’t be working so hard. I said why and she said, “Because you are having a baby.” I said, “Yes, but that doesn’t mean I can’t hang this bulletin board.” She replied, ” Well, my momma is pregnant and she just lays on the couch all day eating ice cream telling me or her boyfriend to do stuff. She says she can’t do it because she’s pregnant. I told her you said you can do anything while you’re pregnant and she said that I should tell you to sit down and rest because you are getting her in trouble!!!” LOL!

7 07 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

That’s pretty awesome.

Sheesh, don’t you know that lifting your arms over your head is bad for the baby?!?!? *eye roll and sigh*

6 07 2010

That looks like some awesome shishkabob.

They’re probably just trying to be nice to you – you know, showing concern where it seems like it would be okay to show concern. Isn’t that nice? They’re being nice to you, not because you’re pregnant, but because being pregnant gives them an excuse to be nice to you that they wouldn’t normally have.

Hmm… that didn’t come out right.

6 07 2010

i like, and shall appropriate, your stock answer to unsolicited advice. “Okay”. simple and direct. better than my “We have all been enlightened by your unique point of view” or the mega-pinchoff “Got it. Thanks.”

you are the master. i bow down… (but being preggers does give you license to hit doofuses… er, ‘doofi’?… with a sturdy plank…)

7 07 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

Can I register for the plank?

And as you could tell “okay” doesn’t always work either… once I find out what does work, I’ll let you know.

6 07 2010

Maybe Steve’s friend wasn’t so much worried about you falling or anything while camping, but was afraid of you going into premature labor. It might have been a selfish concern – he didn’t want to freak out because he wouldn’t know what to do… but of course doesn’t want to admit it πŸ™‚

I think a nice relaxing camping trip would be the perfect thing for you before you become a Mommy – go and have fun!

I’ll bet this heat isn’t a lot of fun for you (or any other pregnant person out there) – unless of course you have A/C πŸ™‚

8 07 2010
Dennis the Vizsla

You’re pregnant?

8 07 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

I know, right?

10 07 2010

Aah, that would really annoy me.

When my colleague was preganant she refused to fetch water from the cellar because she was pregnant, and therefore couldn’t lift anything heavy. My boss was like “with the first one you’re still bothered, by the time the seond one comes along you have no choice about lifting a heavy toddler”.

12 07 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

I nixed lifting the 40+lb water jug, but I still carry things about.. I’ve heard horror stories of pregnants asking their co-workers to fill their water liters… now that’s lazy.

13 07 2010

“What’s it like being pregnant?”

“Why? Are you ‘in trouble’?”

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