In Which Stephanie Does Not Punch the Guy Behind her in Line for Ice Cream

1 06 2010

Oh, you’re still reading?
I thought that after giving you the synopsis in the title, you’d be off reading about something else.
Alrighty, off we go then.

Concluding my weekend of sun and fun (read: sit under canopy, avoid sunshine, shower multiple times a day, mow the lawn, get slobbery tennis balls thrown at my feet) on our way home from a friends house, I made the executive decision to stop for some ice cream.
I left Steve and Bailey in the YOT and waddled walked to the end of the line. There may have been 7-10 groups of people in front of me, but I didn’t care, I was getting ICE CREAM. Plus, it gave me time to flounder between a candy-and-ice-cream-swirl, a sundae, hard serve and soft serve. My brain is doing the happy dance of deduction.

“hhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa.”, comes from behind me.
Like an antelope at the watering hole, I am alarmed.

Now my mind is racing… Do I look, do I not look? Wouldn’t people be running, screaming (not for ice cream, but in terror) if there was someone lining up with say, an axe or chainsaw? Or would they be all ‘let the pregnant lady take it, she can’t run as fast as we can!’?

What would a guy in a goalie mask sound like?

Then. It Spoke. “hhhrrrmmmmaa. Dey only got hhhhhhrrrrrrr one person werkin’ mmmmmmaaaaaa in dere?” And I can FEEL this person getting closer to me.  Is he talking to me? Do I look like I work at the stand, you know, standing in line with a tank top, skirt and flip-flops? Does he want to engage me in conversation? Is this one of those times where I should take a look at the people around me and decide if this is really where I need to be?
I keep quiet. Meanwhile, he sits on the picnic table, still huffing and puffing.
“mmmmmrrrrrraaa. Oh. Dare’s two of ’em in dare. hhhrrrrrmmmmm.”
Pft, I certainly hope he doesn’t consider asking me if he can skip ahead, though, it does sound like he’s going to die if he doesn’t get an ice cream soon.

For the next seven minutes, I have to listen to Jabba huff-n-puff-n-stuff behind me because standing up is such a task.
Look buddy, I’ve popped about 15 pounds in four months, don’t lecture me about how hard it is to stand around… you’ve clearly been dealing with it for a while now.

The couple in front of me (who also made me reconsider my desert of choice) get to the counter and I can feel Jabba getting excited.
Until, that is, they place their order. It was something like, 2 small cones, both with one scoop of butter pecan and one scoop of tracks but one on a regular cone and one on a sugar cone.
What a bizarre order!
Jabba lets out this exasperated sigh, the world is going to end!
Perhaps I should order something complicated.
“Medium vanilla soft serve with rainbow sprinkles, please.” And I pay (mu hahaha, I did dig for change) and step to the side.
Jabba practically crashes into the window. Putting both sausage-fingered-hands on the ledge, he breathes his order, thus blocking the delivery of MY ice cream and retrieval of napkins.

I did not punch him.
The ice cream was worth it, BTW.



29 responses

1 06 2010

I didn’t read the post. I only like to read posts in which the guy behind you in line for ice cream goes home wearing ice cream and has plenty of rocky road in his underpants, if you know what I mean.

2 06 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

I know exactly what you’re talking about.
Just to be clear, you wanted me to mash an ice cream into his drawers.

Though, that’s probably the most action that region will have seen in a while and I would have had to lift his poochbelly to find it.

2 06 2010

I was referring to you beating him to within an inch of his life and which point he empties his bowels into his pants.

2 06 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

That would have taken A LOT of energy… energy which I do not have.

1 06 2010

Punch him! Punch him!

2 06 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

I think I know where to find him…

1 06 2010

Jabba huff-n-puff-n-stuff….that is freakin hil a rious!!! see you are already starting to be a nut I mean nurturing person…you only wanted to punch him!

2 06 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

We both know I’ve been a nut for QUITE a while.
Whoops, hormones!

1 06 2010

Punch him. You’ve got license to do it… and i’m guessing that even with the extra pounds, you could still out run him!

2 06 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

As long as he wouldn’t use the side of the ice cream stand for support, I think I might have had a shot. Even with a living gyroscope…

1 06 2010

Photo, where’s the Jabba pjoto??? You were there all that time & you didn’t get a photo??? Shame on you, but I enjoyed reading this very imagination stimulating story. I was waiting for you to talk to him. Drats now I want ice cream for breakfast

2 06 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

Hmm, in retrospect, I COULD have thrown a cookie or something across the parking lot and obtained cameraphonevideo of him heaving… best ideas always come with hindsight.
And there’s nothing wrong with ice cream for breakfast! It’s got dairy and eggs and sometimes protein!

1 06 2010

Never talk to strangers…unless they are bearing ice cream…and since this person was behind you, there was ZERO chance of that happening!

2 06 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

He would have gotten a talking to if he would have hit me with his girthy belly.

1 06 2010

I’m glad you stuck to your guns and wouldn’t let Jabba come between you and ice cream. Nothing should ever come between you and ice cream. Isn’t that one of the Commandments? I’m pretty sure that it is.

2 06 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

I think it’s #11 or 12…. it was on that third rock which fell down the mountain because it also said you’re allowed to lay on the horn and flip off people who use the entire merge lane and no blinker.

2 06 2010
Dennis the Vizsla

Did you at least kick him a little?

3 06 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

I should have… just a random backwards kick… I should start carrying an emergency pair of heels with me for such occasions.

2 06 2010

I nearly wet my self laughing! Sorry for the over-share. :o)

3 06 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

Stopbouncing takes no liability or responsibility for ruined clothing or furnishings.

2 06 2010

I scream…you scream….we all scream for ice cream!!!!!!!!!

3 06 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

or for axe murders.
or at excessively overweight men who insist on invading your personal space.

3 06 2010

Jabba probably had a hankering for some carbonite.

3 06 2010
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

with hot fudge.

3 06 2010

You have some incredible self-control – I would have smacked him with a napkin dispenser (or at least had really, really graphic daydreams about it).

The ice cream sounds delicious too! 😀

3 06 2010

LOL! OK – you have me totally inspired to tell my story of my visit to the post office this week – once I get caught up on my blogs again 🙂

Isn’t it amazing tho’ how people like Jabba seemed to always gravitate towards us and never to anyone else in the vicinity? Kind of like moths to a flame…. ~sigh~

4 06 2010

sounds like you had a fat Karl Childers standing in line behind you!

5 06 2010

After all that I’m so pleased the ice cream was worth it!

7 06 2010

I’m glad the ice cream was worth it…cause they sounded creeeeppppyyy! I’m a large soft serve chocolate with chocolate sprinkles kinda guy myself….the next time you are in Erie you must must must have the ice creat at Sarah’s down at Presque Isle…it’s amazing!

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