The Time I Got a Flea Infestation. Or Lice. It was one of the Two.

31 12 2009

Seeing as parts of this past year/decade have been teh suck and some have been good, I will spare you the trouble of reading an end-of-an-era posting.

Instead, we will discuss the time I got some kind of creepy crawly creatures living on my scalp.

Around 2000, 2001-ish there was a gentleman I was seeing.
He lived out of town, in a bad neighborhood, in a shitty house, with his parents and without a car or job.*
I’ll leave your surmising as to what the attraction was to your [most likley correct] imagination.

One weekend, I returned home, not thinking much about the gentle itching on my scalp.
The following Monday saw me blerry-eyed and confused as I was up most of the night, itching.
In the bathroom** I parted my hair to find

Well, not godzilla, but certainly something that looked like it should have come out of a Japanese Monster Movie.
It was HUGE.
And as soon as it’s 100 little eyes saw me, it scurried back towards my crown.

After realizing that there was some serious shit going down, I went to the local grocery store (hat on) and picked up some flea shampoo***.
Ladies (and gents), please note that puppy flea shampoo is EXTREMELY drying to ones hair and/or scalp, regardless of how “gentle” it’s advertised to be. And it stinks much worse on a human head. Yes, yes, I know it’s for use on dogs only (not cats, humans, bears, eels, zebras or babies) BUT fleas are much more common/less mortifying than lice.

Thankfully, the bastards stayed up top because that whole thing could have went from bad to worse.

*As of now, we’ve settled our differences, he’s divorced and doing the single dad thing.
** I should mention, I was renting a floor in a house from a friend of mine and we shared a bathroom. Guys and girls have very different ideas about housing.
*** Also, we did not have a dog.



4 responses

31 12 2009

here’s to a bug-free decade! and it was much better to use the flea shampoo than a flame thrower… although i’m sure it may have crossed your mind!

1 01 2010
Dennis the Vizsla

“Run, it’s bugzilla!!!”

1 01 2010

happy new year!!

4 01 2010

hey, could’ve been crabs…think you got away easy on this one… [chuckle]

and a very happy and critter-free 2010 to you

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