Trying to Put Things Together/Call for Excuses

21 12 2009

When things go one way (like, say, “AWESOME!”) and then things go the other way (as in, “G.D. IT ALL!”) I find myself becoming introspective… trying to figure out what in The Grand Equation has changed.
In Europe, I was HAPPY (okay, happier… less agitated); for reals, I didn’t even feel the need to take any meds or vitamins. Now, back home, the migraines are back and I’m feeling increasingly agitated.
Was it the 10+ hours of exercise a day?
The lack of additives to the food?
The sunshine-ish?
Lack of pressure?
Pre-holiday bliss?
Lack of responsibility?
Ability to just let go?

Why can’t I feel the same way here?
It’s upsetting.
I don’t like feeling like this.
(yes yes, I am going to bring this up to my doctor at my next appointment)

Call for Excuses
We’ve already tried the following (and I know they’re not all funny, but we’re trying to illustrate a point here*)
– We’re not ready
– We’ll let you know when we’re ready
– He’s impotent
– I’m barren
– We’ve been trying
– Maybe I am, pass me a beer
– *weeping*
– We’re going at it like rabbits!
– No

So, PLEASE, what far-fetched excuse can I use at this year’s family gatherings when I do not have a bump to watch?
Bonus pressure, now we’ve been to Europe.

* The point being, Hello, what if we have been/are trying and things aren’t happening… won’t you feel like crap then?




17 responses

21 12 2009

People feel different on vacation because they’re not in their real life, they’re in some fake life where less logic exists. Not working, not schooling, not waking up by an alarm, not going to bed at specific times, not doing things that cause stress, not giving a damn about anything.

But can’t live that way in real life. Real life has a job, a school, a schedule, a big flaming bag of dog shit that won’t put itself out, no matter how much it’s stomped.

21 12 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

and, it ends up that you stomp on it with your favorite shoes, adding insult to injury.

21 12 2009

There is no solution to this other than directly talking to everyone about it…which might be as equally uncomfortable.

21 12 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

I thought “We’re not ready” was pretty direct.

21 12 2009

I totally understand everything you’re talking about. When we went to Syria it was so awesome. Hubby and I talked, loved and just hung out so much more than when we are home. I know that it’s the break from everyday real life that makes it possible. It was very hard to have him get wrapped up in work again when we got back. He also is getting his migraines again. Not as often but they are still there. I wish sometimes that he would just get the migraine instead of the exhaustion that sometimes happens.
I also understand the baby thing.. since reversing the old tubes, it seems like everyone expects it to happen instantly. It’s hard to get the visit from “Aunt Flo” each month knowing that sometime in the near future someone will ask if I’m pregnant yet. It at least helps that it’s only immediate family who ask because no one else in our town even knows what we did.
All we can do is “one day at a time” It helps to talk about our trip next year to Syria.
Bouncy…have a ((hug))

21 12 2009

It’s post-vacation blues. I usually get them in earnest. Like, cry at the airport on the way home. Try planning another trip. Sometimes that can help, I hear. Also, try to identify anything that is stressing you out, and get rid of it.

As to excuses:
We’ve decided to hold off five more years, and I don’t want to talk about it.
It’s none of your damn business.
My appointment with the fertility dr is next week, I will let you know how it goes.

I have a little problem “jinxing” it though, with the “he’s shooting blanks/i’m barren” excuses

21 12 2009

ouch. make that double, no quadruple ‘ouch’… perhaps a direct answer of “No, i’m not pregnant, and it’s quite frustrating when everyone is asking about it, so please be patient, and you’ll be among the first to know should there be a change in status”… because it seems the people in your life simply aren’t getting the slightly more subtle answers…

22 12 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

Oh, then the “shame” and “disappointment”!

Don’t you know, you’re not a family until you spawn? We’re clearly failures!

22 12 2009

once i had the first offspring? my family seemed to forget i had a husband. even joking called him “SB” for “Sperm Bank”…

23 12 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

ouch. that resulted in water through the nose.

21 12 2009
Melissa Murphy

vacations – especially awesome ones- are such a change from everyday life and a huge break from our every day variety stress. Sure in Europe you don;t speak the language and have to navigate all kinds of stressful situations – but they are also fleeting and fun and adventures.

nothing like being constantly pestered about when you’ll be reproducing to add to your stress, right?

maybe try the “no excuse” and go for “smile nod and walk away”. disengage.

We’ve been dodging the same questions about kids. so much pressure. I hate how everyone wants to make me feel like I’m doing something wrong. Sorry but My life – My Way!

Oh- and so sorry – I’ve been looking for a rye bread mix. I can’t find one anywhere. Bob’s Red Mill sells rye flour, though. That’s as far as I got.

22 12 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

I found Bob’s flour (I used his for my Pumpkin Pasta Disaster) and tore apart the shelves looking for bread mix.

21 12 2009

I wish I could help you I really really do, because then I would know what to say to the eyes, the looks and the ” are you trying again?”S

I hope you have a happy holiday thank you for being so nice to me in blog land. I appreciate it and I appreciate what you are going through.

22 12 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

I guess we kind of are in the same boat….

21 12 2009
that girl

You said it. Right there… at the end of the post. If you really want people to get off your back that’s what you say. It does not have to be mean or loud. You could really say in a low whisper, “What if I told you that we were having problems? Would that make you feel bad enough that you will finally stop asking?” And then walk away. I know it’s brutal but the “what if I told you” softens the blow a little bit. I mean, imagine what that would be like on the receiving end. I think that would get the point across. And maybe, just maybe, the person will think to apologize for not minding their business.

Once I pulled the “I really don’t want to talk about this. It’s between me and my husband” line. While I felt bad for two seconds after I said it, I doubt I will be bothered about my personal business by that person again.

Keep your head up. 🙂

22 12 2009
Dennis the Vizsla

“I keep having ’em, and we keep selling ’em on Craigslist.”

24 12 2009

I think the only thing wrong with the ” what if I told you we were trying and that we are having problems ” is the fact that I wonder if whomever is asking already assumes that you are trying and already assumes there are problems. ” At least that’s the way it is in my circle.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: