I have nothing against Ellicottville NY…. well, except that some people sport those little oval stickers that say “EVL” because they’re trendy like that.
Up until this weekend, I never really thought of EVL as evil.
The concert was in Salamanca, which is about 10 miles south of EVL and with lodging costing over four times as much, well, the situation basically solved itself.
Before the show, we went to a bar in EVL. The atmosphere was nice, music okay, it wasn’t crowded and the bartender was tolerable.
Well, by the time we got back to the bar after the show, we had to do a double take.
There was a thumping coming from inside that could only be described at Top-40.
Inside, our nightmares came true.
There were tables of Kate Gosslins*.
Women old enough to be our mothers, wearing short skirts and furry knee boots; very apres ski, despite the season not starting,
Women with mid-life hair, grinding against their girlfriends.
Women drinking drinks that involved fruit.
For the record, THIS woman was drinking Coors Light (because she’s watching her figure) and switched over to Labatt Blue when one of the eight guys she was hanging out with [on purpose; friends] forgot what she was drinking.
One of the eight, let’s call him, Mr. Anderson, decides that he’s going to try and get some Crisis Tail.
Wearing an In-and-Out burger hat, a cartoon t-shirt and a furry beer gut, somehow the women were flocking to him.
I do not understand.
Some choice comments of the night:
-“Oh, that’s what desperation smells like. I thought it was KY and diaphragms.”
– “That’s not even an angry fuck, that’s revenge fuck.”
– “You know that they’ve just found out that their divorce is final and they decide to take a girl’s weekend to Eville and just ‘let loose’. Uck.”
– “The best part about being married is not having to date. I’d probably be trying to dance and someone like Mr. Anderson would come up behind me and start grinding me into the wall…”
Watching Mr. Anderson trying to score was by far the most entertaining thing at any bar and it wasn’t until we were rather trashed that we opted to go to EBC and by then, I was seeing double.
However, I was a functional drunk, unlike 95% of the population of EVL’s Kwik-e-Mart… people standing against coolers, asking whoever would listen why there wasn’t any pizza and bumping into things.
Being a card-carrying girl, I made the best of a bad situation, picking out chips, dip, tortillas and nacho cheese; the most bang for the least buck.
The boys were pleased at the offering, having already eaten all of the cupcakes and not being in any condition to make it to the vending machine,
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a pizza joint to open.
* If you don’t have “Jon & Kate Plus 8” on your TV, it’s a “reality” show about a family that has 8 kids and the wife pretty much spent the first seasons yelling at the husband and berating him on national television. They’re now divorced. Which I’m hoping surprised no one.