Further Conclusive Proof into Why I Don’t Play Sports

13 07 2009

Last time I played volleyball (like, two years ago), I thought the ball was hitting my forearms and learned it wasn’t when I proceeded to smash the ball into my own face, lacerating my eyebrow and bending my glasses.

“Don’t be afraid of the ball!” has no meaning to me because I’m pretty sure that sporting equipment has it out for me. This coming from a girl who has hit herself in the head with golf clubs, whacked her back with a baseball bat, kicked bocce balls, bent herself in half while skiing, used her elbows/knees to dust a tennis court, fell off a bike, pulled muscles while paddle-boating…. you get the idea.

So, against my better judgment, I decided to play in the weekly [non-league] volleyball game.
My first game left much to be desired, seeing as I mainly duck-and-covered, screamed in terror whenever the ball came towards me. The second game saw me hitting the ball, just not in an over-the-net fashion. By the third game, I was serving over the net and returning in a somewhat organized fashion.
Game four, however… It’s a close game… within two points or so. I get up to serve. Over the net. Returned. And here’s where things get blurry… The ball came towards me and I backed up to return, and I didn’t back up quite enough… well, let’s say that ones face is not as effective at ball return as say, one’s arms.
The ball slams into my face, knocking me over.
“OH MY GOD!”
“STEPHANIE!”
“ARE YOU OKAY?!?!”
“Yup. Just gimme a second to writhe here…” As tears flooded to my eyes, no doubt as a result from my nose being walloped with a volleyball. And, for those of you who are wondering how large my head is, the ball hit both my chin and my nose concurrently. At least I  had my contacts in.
I finished the game (thank goodness it was a few points from the end) and weaved off the court.

Shortly thereafter I went home, applied ice to my nose and a bag of corn to my forehead.
Clearly, I do not have a concussion as I woke up this morning and neither one of the medical professionals seemed overly concerned.

From hereon out, you will find me guarding beer cooler or on grill prep.

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16 responses

13 07 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

Oh, right, I should probably mention that I am okay today, less a headache and nose pain, which, of course, is right where my glasses are and my contacts aren’t for reading…

13 07 2009
stacy310

I’m sorry. Thats awful.

13 07 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

“Hey, you wanna play Vollyball?”
“No. Thanks though…”
Perhaps now this conversation will have a little more weight.

13 07 2009
hisqueen

aahhh…poor Stephanie…hope you don’t get those double black eyes from that. if there are any bruises just threaten Steve that you’re going to save a picture for later to use against him if he ever acts up.
have one of a huge bruise I got from a bathroom door. threaten my hubby once in a while with it.
Hope you feel better soon..nice to have you join those of us at the cooler/kiddy area

13 07 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

Well, yeah, that’s what we joked about was how I was going to convince my co-workers that Steve ISN’T beating the crap out of me, I’m just REALLY clumsy…

13 07 2009
stacy310

This happened to me. When I first got Lucky (that always sounds … well, inappropriate), I decided to take him for a run. He ran one way. I ran another. I broke a tooth, had road burn on my face, shoulder and knee. Then, two months later, I fell down the stairs and tore ligamentS in my ankle. Everyone thought that Ant was beating the hell out of me…

14 07 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

tee hee, you got Lucky 🙂

13 07 2009
morethananelectrician

Every sport needs officials and referees.

14 07 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

Do they make a plastic bubble for refs? Being that close to the ball scares me.

13 07 2009
mccgood

I can’t stand volleyball. I am ashamed to admit while in high school whenever we played volleyball I played up that “female thing” as excuse. So I pushed the womens movement back a few hundred years everyone was better off trust me!

14 07 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

I used to do the same thing for swim class. Truth be told, I’m just HORRIBLY uncoordinated…

13 07 2009
connie

thank goodness you didn’t break your nose! Hope you are mended soon.
You can be the cheerleader and publicity specialist 🙂

14 07 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

I’m not quite sure it’s not broken… it is swollen and it’s all I can do to not tape the ice pack to my schnoz while at work… The team’s name is “Your Mom” so I’m sure I can come up with a few cheers for that.

13 07 2009
Dennis the Vizsla

Volleyball can be dangerous! I remember one time I was playing back in college and the girl in front of me shrieked and ducked when someone spiked the ball at her and then the ball went on to strike me in an, um, sensitive area. Oh, the trauma …

14 07 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

OH! OW! no duck-n-cover there…

16 07 2009
Tony

Kicked Bocce balls, ouch that’s not good, try a soccer ball instead I guarantee it will work better

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