Thoughts from the Mall
In the never-ending quest to find The Sandals That Don’t Exist (light brown/beige, not cork/not woven, doesn’t look like I’m a hooker or a grandma, moderate height, not stiletto, NOT gladiator style, none of that cut-out-sole oddness…) I braved the MEGAMall because they have a DSW and three other shoe stores I don’t have around me. And yes, I’ve scoured the interwebs, but shoes are tricky as I happen to be flat-footed, pronated and wide across the toes.
But enough about that, here are some observations from Sunday Afternoon at The MEGAMall.
* I hate people
* I hate people in crowds
* I hate the generic ATMs at the mall because they rape me an extra two bucks for using their machines
* Child harnesses are funny
* Teenaged boys should not wear teenaged girls’ pants
* WHY do you stop RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE to do nothing?
* Let me get this straight…. YOU are walking and texting, yet, when you don’t look where you’re going, it’s my job to move out of your way?
* Stereotypes are there for a reason. I’m talking to you Subway employees, pack of stragglers around the exits and packs of inner-city girls with loud fowl mouths and too much gold-plated jewelry.
* Dear Mall Management, why bother leaving the diaper dispenser on the wall if you’ve removed the hardware for dispensing diapers?
* Dear Forever 21, while I understand that you cater to a “junior” sized demographic, I would like to let you know that I noticed your lack of pants above “30”.
* Oh, and you girls in the changing rooms at Forever 21, it’s pretty bad when a skinny girl (not the author, but her friend’s sister) thinks you’re too skinny.
* Also, second-changing-door-in-skinny-skank, you have man feet.
* Some of the clothing choices out now are just plain redunk
* Doors that are marked as “exit” are not always such
* Food court items are starting to become like airport concessions. I paid $2 for a Snapple because I was f-ing thirsty
* Dear Guy at “Cajun Grille” (which is neither “Cajun” nor “grille”), no one can understand what you’re saying, but thrusting deep-fried-sauced-chicken-on-a-stick gets your point across. Good Job!
Steve’s poison ivy is pretty much all cleared up, which is FANTASTIC as I’ve had a bit of, um, extra energy to burn (read: cleaned/mopped kitchen and foyer floors, massive amounts of vacuuming, wall-washing, organization, multiple “runs” at the gym…).
After the unsuccessful shoe hunt, BabyMomma, her sis, Baby and I went to Chili’s were I was STARVING and proceeded to eat an entire tray of chips’n’salsa, thus producing a two-day stomach ache, which also lent itself to not participating in energy reducing activities. No one likes a puker.
Also, we did a fair amount of basement renovations (allllmost complete). This included my holding up a large piece of plastic (of which I am not at liberty to discuss where I got it from, though it was obtained legally) against the ceiling.
While not a horrid task, there are a few points worth mentioning. A) I am only five-foot-two, thus my full-stretch-height is probably only about six-foot-two, which is pretty much useless with a six-and-a-half foot ceiling. B) I do not wear shoes/socks unless I have to, which is inconvenient when someone leaves aluminum pieces on the carpet. C) The top of my head does not make a good large-piece-of-plastic-rest, resulting in a crash, shriek and an exasperated “STTTTTEEEEEEVVVVVEEE!!!! HHHEELPPP!” (I am fine).