Trials of The Hunt

29 04 2009

Not content with spending the summer basking in the yard, The Mister has started sending out his resume.
We’ve been discussing the whole job-search thing, what needs to be done, etc. and one of the key things was to get his suit cleaned.
FROM OCTOBER.
(reminder)

and begin with the charming

and begin with the charming

While that’s not his normal “face”, it’s the “I’m drunk and right after this, I’m heading to the DJ booth to harass the DJ about not playing obscure Pink Floyd… so what if it’s a wedding!?!?” expression.

Anyway, that evening ended with him ruining one of my sink bumpers (those things in the bottom of the sink that prevent your glasses from breaking if when you drop them), which he still owes me, BTW.

Today’s conversation (in which I invited him downtown to have lunch a mock interview) via e-mail.
him: I got the suit back, they did a good job getting all that puke off. I should of left that on it would be an indication that I can socialize.
me: no no honey, I think Pukey Lapel means you OVER-socialize. And wasn’t that cheaper and less painless then having to shop for a new suit?! And, you probably have new suit smell!

Also, for everyone else effected by this whole not-really-a-recession-but-it-is, here are some key terms to remember-

“COMPETITIVE SALARY”: Most of our competitors don’t pay much either.

“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY”: We have no time to train you.

“CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE”: You’ll be here very late, very often — might as well be comfortable.

“MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED”: Your first four projects are already way overdue.

“SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED”: Did we mention that you’ll be here very late, very often? And most weekends.

“DUTIES WILL VARY”: Anyone in the office can boss you around.

“MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL”: We have no quality control.

“CAREER-MINDED”: Female applicants must be childless.

“APPLY IN PERSON”
: If you’re old, fat or ugly, that position has already been filled.

“NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE”: This job listing is just a legal formality. The position was filled by
some executive’s nephew.

“SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE”
: Due to consolidation, you’ll be replacing three people.

“PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST”: This company is a total mess.

“REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS”
: You’ll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the pay, title or respect.

“GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS”
: Listen to management, figure out what they want, don’t ask too many questions and get the sh*t done.

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10 responses

29 04 2009
hisqueen

You have done a wonderful job of simplifying what they mean. This is so true–especially the “No phone calls, please”..I don’t even bother to send those job post to my brother. Tell hubby to keep a notebook of his job apps sent in. It will make it easier to look up the company info it they call for any interview. He needs to keep his hopes up..don’t get discourage by the lack of phone calls…I will be thinking of him right along with my brother when I search for jobs.

29 04 2009
Mr Bill

Puke keeps the moths (cats, dogs, children, SMS…) away. Just as a note, no pressure or anything, http://www.rayjobs.com/index.cfm?NavID=103 XOXO

29 04 2009
mccgood

I think the worst interview my husband went on was for a part time grounds keeper for a golf course. He met with the lady she looked at his last name on the application and said ” hmm we don’t usually call people with Jewish last names”

29 04 2009
Mr Bill

hmm… McGood is a Jewish name?

29 04 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

[@ hisqueen] Actually, I can’t take credit for the definitions. They were forwarded to me, but I thought the timing was impeccable.

[@ Mr Bill] Damn, I owe Steve a dollar… took more then three days for you to “remind” us about raytheon.

[@ mcgood] Wow, discriminate much? Good thing we have a nice strong Polish last name.

29 04 2009
Mr Bill

POLISH!!!! OMG I thought [your last name which I wouldn’t really consider releasing to the interwebs] was Irish. Pass the pototoe (sic)

29 04 2009
morethananelectrician

I can’t even imagine WHY a Jewish person can’t cut and water grass.

29 04 2009
mccgood

It was so bad told my husband it wasn’t even worth it. She not only commented on his last name being Jewish but then asked how he could have a Jewish last name and help out with the Catholic Youth Group.
Luckily something else came along a couple days later.

30 04 2009
Dennis the Vizsla

This is a very true and helpful list of terms, thanks!

1 05 2009
nat @ book, line, and sinker

i thought the jewish folks were good with water–parting it..walking on it….

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