Tuesday Firestarters, that’s right, it’s a two-for

14 04 2009

Firestarter #1:
Here’s the scenario, you’ve had a crappy weekend/holiday/night/morning/whatever…. someone you know (like an acquaintance) comes up to you and asks how you’re doing or how your (insert event here) was.
Do you lie (“Fine!”) to avoid conflict or do you tell the truth (“It sucked and here’s way”) because people shouldn’t ask questions they don’t want the answers to.

Firestarter #2:
I think most of my regulars have been pretty clear on their stance on child-bearing.
If you’re waiting, do you find that family members are trying to guilt you into having a child? Is it not selfish to weigh your options before deciding to have a child?
If you were guilted into it, do you have any pangs of regret?
If you weren’t guilted, do you have any pangs of regret (“Oh, I wish so-and-so could have seen the baby grow up!”)?

Discuss!

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17 responses

14 04 2009
Nikki

My husband and I will be married 5 years this Friday. The questions on when we were going to start a family actually started the day of our wedding. We have no desire to rush things and we may decided to not have kids at all (he has a son from a previous marriage who is 14 now). The guilt that stems from my mother (I’m an only child) is enough to drive me looney. She has actually cried when I made the comment that I didn’t think we were going to have kids. It makes me just want to scream “enough already”!

14 04 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

[@ nikki] Welcome to the fray! We’re both only children; thank goodness someone else understands! But your mom already has a grandchild… regardless of who mothered it, your stepson should count… speaking of counting, there goes my blood pressure.

14 04 2009
Dennis the Vizsla

1) I almost always go with “fine” (or “the usual” or “not bad”)
2) We have dogs

14 04 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

[@ dennisthevizsla] Beans has a scarf that’s imprinted, “I AM the grandchild” for when the MIL gets a bit pushy… perhaps it should be dusted off…

14 04 2009
morethananelectrician

1. Lie aboutt he crappy weekend to avoid the conversation.

2. We were married five years before we had children…that might be when those pushing really step up their game.

15 04 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

[@ MTAE] we’re approaching 5 years this fall. When we were newly married, we explained that we’d considering trying around 5 years married/30 years old. I guess that gives free reign for harassment.

14 04 2009
Scott

1. Crap days are like dreams- nobody really wants to hear about them.
2. Children: I have three, so I would have to be some sucker to go through that amount of guilt. Some days, it would be lovely to have wax sculptures instead of children. Looking for the rewarding times can be like trying to find a bar of chocolate in a cess pit- when you find it, it’s still covered in crap.

15 04 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

[@ scott] Duly noted *jot jot jot*

14 04 2009
sas

I tell people I am barren. That shuts them up.

14 04 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

[@ sas] I tried that. The ashen looks on his family members face was later explained as there have been many fertility-related issues. Talk about back-fire.

14 04 2009
stacy

1. It depends on who is asking. Almost always, I go with “Fine.”

2. We’ve discussed this. My mom almost cried recently when I saw her and I didn’t have a “bump.” I’m having weird guilty feelings lately – and I don’t know WHO started this gem (but someone clearly did…), but it’s like – I’ve been married almost 8 years, what if I wait and wait then it backfires and I get pregnant, have a baby, then I die young. Nice, huh?

14 04 2009
hisqueen1

1) always fine unless it’s from the most intimate of friends and outside of the work place.
2) Have 3 boys and 2 dogs–2 are my boys one stepson–honestly–if I hadn’t been young and stupid, I would have completely skipped having kids. It’s harder then anyone ever admits…Such a huge responsibility… Nobody (except complete idiots) has ever asked us about blending the families with another baby. Sometimes I think a little girl would be nice but then I remember the sleepless nights, bottles, diapers, walking talking and now teenage attitudes…I count the years till my youngest is leaving for college.
I think the parents look forward to grandkids because they don’t have the same responsibilities of when you were a baby. Now they can spoil and hand them back….no discipline, no attitudes nothing but fun.

15 04 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

[@ hisqueen] you totally hit the nail on the head! (re: grandparent vs. parent responsibility) The kid isn’t even here yet and I’m telling MIL “Do not spoil” and she’s all “I will spoil!”

14 04 2009
nat @ book, line, and sinker

#2. here’s my standard reply:

annoying, pushy friend/family member: SO, when are you two going to start a family?! you’ve been together since 1992!!!

me: (with very sad face) we can’t have children…(eyes downcast, loooong pause…)

friend/family member: OH, I’M SOOO SOR–

me: (interrupting) yes, we can’t have children…we have WHITE SOFAS.

and that pretty much shuts them up.

ahhahahahahahaha

15 04 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

[@ nat] LOL HAHAHHAHAAA! whew. ‘lissa was ready to be my wingman around the holidays- when people would ask, I was to quiver my bottom lip and she’s hug and comfort me.
Unnecessarily awful? Yes, but what about people asking about your frequency of sticking it in there…. isn’t that a bit crude too?

15 04 2009
Mr Bill

You know what? Do it when you and Steve are ready for it. Your Mom and I waited almost 5 years before we were ready for you. You do it your way(s ) and you will not have regrets. With any luck you and Steve will be as lucky as your Mom and I are.

16 04 2009
thedailydish

OOOh Curly said it too!! Seriously – if people can’t mind their business w/ regard to your reproductive activities, I would hit below the belt. PUN INTENDED>.

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