“Bear and Shark” or “Why I Can’t Write Children’s Books”

9 03 2009

Bear vs. Shark!

Shark: Om nom nom nom!
Bear: YIKES!
Shark: nom nom!
Bear: *bats shark away with what’s left of arm/leg*
Shark: NOM!
Bear: It’s just a flesh wound. Say, I’m feeling a bit woozy. Hand me that seal pelt, would you?
Shark: Dude, did you not see my rows of fantastically chiseled teeth? The better for nomming you with!
Bear: Well, that doesn’t mean that you HAVE to bite me!
Shark: I’m a shark. With teeth. In fact, it does mean I have to bite you. *nom*
Bear: That hurts! *bites shark*
Shark: That does hurt! Goodness, I’m sorry!
Bear: Well, it’s a bit late now, my arms off!
Shark: Would it help if I stopped biting you?
Bear: Certainly.

And the shark is the winner for taking the bear’s feelings into account.

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10 responses

9 03 2009
Connie

hmmm I don’t know, some children’s stories are pretty gruesome! This was tame in comparison 🙂 Actually quite funny

9 03 2009
natalie

c’mon…this is for babies. why don’t you step up to the plate like good old uncle walt…he KILLS all the parental figures in his stories. hello, bambi? the lion king? that man was pure evil lurking behind a friendly smile.

if your book was a disney movie, the bear would be wandering the icy tundra in search of his family, who were hunted down by some japanese poachers. baby bear would fall into the frigid water, the shark would maul him, and the bloodied bear would scramble back on to the ice only to die from global warming.

the end.

hahahahah

9 03 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

Okay, Nat, when the time comes, you are SO not babysitting.

Even though you’re right.

9 03 2009
daffy

I’m with Connie… those kind of story books could work! Have you seen society today? At least your book shows conscience!
:o)

11 03 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

In some twisted way, I try to make the world a more betterer place.

9 03 2009
kyknoord

I love the surprise ending. In this genre, most authors tend to rely on the safe, but overused, “be true to yourself” moral, but here, Ms Of Stopbouncing really pushes the envelope of character self-development. Five thumbs up.

10 03 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

noodley appendage.

10 03 2009
Dennis the Vizsla

“‘Tis but a scratch.”

11 03 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

“Your bloody arms off!”

11 03 2009
curlywurlygurly

‘twil serve…ask for me tomorrow and you’ll find me a grave man… (or something to that effect.)

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