Confidence OR How I Chose to Ignore the Tag and Love My Shape

30 01 2009

A while ago, in a publication I can’t recall, there was an article that kind of hit home. It was about a woman who wasn’t happy with her weight/image and decided that she would “reward” herself for reaching milestones. It then occurred to her when she hit a wall, that she would probably not ever reach her “ultimate” goal. This resulted in her accepting who she was and being happy.  I always felt a bit envious of her.

Now, does this mean that I have given up on my non-resolution? Nay.
It does however mean that I realized that I am (much to my poutingness) not a size 4, am not svelte, am not ripped, etc.  and that PERHAPS, I should embrace my um, transition, phase AND STOP LYING TO MYSELF.

Intending to just go to Barnes and Noble to deplete a gift card, I found myself at Macy’s with an exchange card that Steve would never use (his words, not mine) with $20 on it.
Scouring the racks, I found a top that is patterned (gasp!), bright (gasp!) and as the gasping alludes, Very UnStephanieLike.
Figuring that I should also look for pants/jeans as the top only took up 1/4 of my card (who’s a power shopper?  I am…) I picked a pair of jeans off the rack in the “realistic” size and not the “denial” size.
In the dressing room, a ray of light came down (probably from the halogens in the ceiling, but whatever) and as I turned to face myself, I did a double take.
Is, is, is that, me?  me in clothes that fit?  Clothes that make me look like an adult? No tugging?  No lumping? An outfit to be proud of?
And at that point, I let the size tag blur.
Gliding to the counter, my retail $88 ensemble came in at at modest $28, with $8 actually coming out of my pocket.
Sure, I care about my size (as much as I try not to) but I also know that I am taking active steps to become a size where I will not have to pretend that the tag doesn’t say what it says it says. And today, I am more confident that I’ve been in a loooonnngg time.

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7 responses

30 01 2009
Stacy

I’m very proud of you!! It’s not really about a number – on the scale or the rack… it’s more about how you feel in your clothes, right? It is really hard to except this though, when you are like I CANNOT be that size. Or, like me, when you are in denial that your clothes don’t fit you but you wear them anyway – and are completely uncomfortable – because you refuse to spend money on bigger clothes.

Oh, and BTW – $28 for a shirt and pants!!! VERY NICE!

30 01 2009
hisqueen1

Way to go with the power shopping. The size has become insignificant to me over the years. I’ve been up and I’ve been down. What has come to matter is if I’m healthy. Do I get out of breath running up a flight of stairs, then its time to excercise. You are doing everything right. Excercise, try to eat right, drink lots of water (Bailey does know what he’s talking about when he request a refill for his water bowl) and just be happy. Next time you head out shopping you may be a size smaller w/out even trying.
Congrats on starting to find your confidence!! Enjoy it. You look like you feel—Confident and Great.

30 01 2009
thegnukid

Bless you, lady. a story of hope for all of us who are trying…sometimes too hard…to achieve the false illusion of ‘right sized’.

and you rock on being a bargain shopper.

Sb: *blush* shucks

30 01 2009
morethananelectrician

You ladies are always so hard on yourselves!

SB: someone has to be!

31 01 2009
Michele

Wow! I want an outfit for $28!!! I know exactly what you are talking about. Mine doesn’t revolve around exact sizes only stores. For example I don’t care what size I am if I can shop at ‘regular’ stores instead of Lane Bryant. My biggest recent accomplishment involved getting at shirt at Ann Taylor Loft! Woo-hoo! I went in because it said sale, and i figured what the hell. I found a cute shirt and..IT FIT!!!! It was the best. I don’t care if it is the largest size in the store. Somehow wearing the largest size at one store just feels so much better than wearing the smallest size at Lane Bryant. Oh and the shirt was 4.88 plus tax!!! BONUS! I also may not EVER be the size I wish I was, but I feel a lot more confident in my clothes lately.

SB: amen to you sister. I think we need to viva la revolution about confidence vs. size.

2 02 2009
Connie

Good for you!!!! Now remember this when you are in one of those moods when nothing feels right 🙂

4 02 2009
Emerald

Woo, that’s a great feeling! I could probably stand to lose a size or so, just because I’ve been much more sedentary this past year than ever before. But that’s a matter of moving around more, not ‘Oh no, I’m not a size four!’ I’m not supposed to be a size four. If you can eat generally well, get out for a walk, and splurge on the occasional brownie and still be a size four, then I guess you’re meant to be a size four. But guess what? There are other sizes out there!

Sb: welcome to the fray! mmm, brownie.

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