My comments are in red. Red like my annoyance.
My dear friend (we’re friends? I don’t even know you),
I am writing to seek your consent to present you to the bank (I get presented? Is this like one of those olde tyme coming out parties?) as a beneficiary to the funds of our client “Dr. George Brumley” (so he’s “like” Dr. George Brumley…)who died Five (since when is “five” a proper noun?) years ago leaving behind Capital (same with “capital”) amount (US$27.7M) in the bank here where I work, only if you are interested. (you know I hate run-on sentences) (oh, and the money is only left at the bank if I am interested? What happens if I’m not interested? Where does that money go? Puppy mills? Nuns for Orphans? Tom Cruise?)
My name is Mr. Joseph Mkula a South African (I have no faith in your education system because you forgot a comma and you are a shame to educated South Africans) . I am his account manager (you’re your account manager?), and till date (what’s a “till date”? Is it like a “henweigh?”*) no body (no body? Are you referring to the deceased? Do you need a body? I can talk to people in Jersey. Ohhhhh, you mean “nobody” don’t you….) has come forward or put application for the claim (???). You can confirm from this website: http://www.sptimes.com/2003/07/21/Worldandnation/12_Americans_die_in_K.shtml Should (SHOULD IS NOT A PROPER NOUN!) you be interested to invest in this capital intensive project (“capital intensive project”?), please reply with your full names (Does “Mitzy Doppleanger” count as full names?), occupation, telephone, and fax number (but I don’t have a fax? Does this mean I don’t get to be involved in the capital intensive project? damnitall.) for further clarification.
Thank you, Mr. Joseph Mkula
* “What’s a henweigh?”
“‘bout three pounds”