The Time My Dad Drank Tree-Saver

10 12 2008

Having forwarded CWG’s Christmas Tree Tale to Dad, we started e-bantering about the time he drank Tree-Saver

In the early 1990’s, we were owners of a treadmill.  Dad would “run” (saying it that way because you don’t go anywhere on a treadmill) after work and then guzzle a gallon of water.
Knowing that you shouldn’t reuse containers for other then their original purpose, we did anyway.  Next to the bottled 1-gallon jugs of water was a bottle labeled in thick black marker

TREE SAVER

DO NOT DRINK

written around the top of the jug.

One night, Dad hopped off the treadmill and walked into the kitchen.
He grabbed a bottle.
Chugged.
About halfway through the gallon, he realized that he had picked up the tree-saver and NOT regular water.

Chaos ensued and he’s on the phone to poison control.
Dad, smoosher of bugs, defender against lions under the bed, distracter at the dentist, manager of proper chromatic order of easter egg dye,  FREAKED OUT.
Voice full of concern, he calmly talks to the operator on the other line.
Having explained the dilemma (“What should one do if they have ingested diluted tree-saver?”),  the operator asks how old the ingestee is.
“Thirty-five” answers Dad.
And you could hear the laughter through the phone.
And you could hear the operator tell the other operator that she’s got a thirty-five-year-old who drank tree-saver.
And you hear one operator ask the other what she should tell him to do.  “Tell him to call back if he sprouts!”

And from then on, we kept the tree-saver by the tree.

Dad, anything to add?

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7 responses

10 12 2008
rambleicious

Hee hee. Awesome story. 😀

I’m glad I’m not the only with a Dad who does potentially (and actually in my Dad’s case) dangerous stuff.

Maybe this year you could put an angel on his head and decorate him with lights! (assuming he “sprouted” of course). 😉

SB Sez: you should read about the time we pulled down a garage. Because that was totally safe.

10 12 2008
Melissa the most awesome person you know oh yeah that's right

Geez…all my father seems to drink is Jack Daniels.

Speaking of my father, guess who just decided to drop by the office unannounced? In sweatpants and a zip up sweatshirt, partially unzipped, patches of chest hair showing?

Oh yeah. That guy.

His new job is in the vicinity of my office. Help me, Jeebus.

SB Sez: I was contemplating getting my dad the back-shaver… I’m sure it could be used on chest hair.

10 12 2008
morethananelectrician

“35”

Whoa!

SB Sez: Yeah, you’d think by then they’d know how to read…

10 12 2008
thedailydish

Well. I guess my husband’s doing okay. He has passed the 35 year mark w/out ingesting tree-saver. A good thing. My dad never would have ingested the stuff b/c we had a hideous fake tree when I was growing up. He just stabbed himself with the bits. The tree is always greener, I suppose..

SB Sez: oh, we haven’t even gotten into the stories about the fake tree yet…

10 12 2008
curlywurlygurly

lolz @ yer dad…he came to visit my blog! 🙂

my daddy-o only did stuff like burning off his eyebrows with the gas grill and stuff. he never drank poison, although i think he wanted to several times during my teen years.

SB Sez: and the cosmos align yet again…

11 12 2008
Melissa the most awesome person you know oh yeah that's right

You didn’t even comment on my inappropriate apostrophe use. I’m disappointed in you.

SB Sez: you wanna pillow-fight over it? Jack Daniel’s what?!

14 12 2008
Mr. Bill

First off in my own defense…. OK well I have none. There are a number of side stories that go with this. The poison control center is at the hospital that I worked at, yes snickers and large smiles with soft whispers and giggles seemed to increase for awhile afterward. On the bright side… tree saver is to keep your needles from falling off of the tree. I am proud to say that I still have all of my hair with no reseeding (sic) hairline. On the down side, yes I could use the back/chest shaver. And a follow-up for Curlywurlygurly….. has SPRUCE contacted you yet (Society for Prevention of Reshaping Unremarkable Christmas Evergreens)?

SB Sez: It’s a Christmas miracle! This is the most non-oral communication we’ve had in ages! Oh, and glad that your hair’s still there.

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