The Truth About “The Bread Tree” and “Spaghetti Bush”

2 12 2008

In the last of a series of follow-up appointments to make sure the crazy hasn’t manifested, I mention to my Doc that I’m a bit concerned over the weight gain of late.

Doc: Exercise.
“I belong to the gym!  And granted I sluffed off due to a problem at the beginning of the month and then I got my tattoo re-colored… figured it wasn’t a good idea to sweat it up on the treadmill with an open back wound…”
*nods* “Well, I think you should be more conscience of ’empty foods’.”
“*Baroo?*”
“The big four: bread”
“NOOOOO!”
“Pasta.”
“NOOOO!”
“Rice.”
“Meh.”
“Potatoes.”
“Okay.”
“And avoid processed foods.  To make it easy, if you can walk out into your yard, figuratively, and pull it from the ground, pluck it from a tree or hunt it, it’s okay to eat.  There is no ‘Bread Tree’ or ‘Spaghetti Bush’.”
“But there should be.”

So I brought two apples to work, I’ll have some salad for lunch (I heart salad anyway) and try to go easy on Taco Tuesday.

Dear Reader, what advise have you been given that you throw out the window or pass on?

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8 responses

2 12 2008
Connie

Alas, I have no good advice as I, too received a bad report card from el doctorow…if it tastes good I am NOT to eat it.
I do not eat much meat so I am thinking of shifting to vegan. Cheese is a bit of a problem!!!

SB Sez: I would totally go veggie, but there’s NO WAY I could get The Mister to agree to that.

2 12 2008
morethananelectrician

Damn! What are you supposed to eat?

I don’t eat breakfast. Lunch a couple of times a week. For dinner we have various meats, vegetable and salads, but I have been running like someone is chasing me for the last six months.

My mother used to say if I did a certain “something” that I would go blind…but I can still see just FINE!

SB Sez: I should eat more like, fruit and stuff… I heart carbs… but I also have a lazy lifestyle, so I can have one or other and it’s easier to be lazy.

3 12 2008
kyknoord

So your doctor thinks it’s okay to eat moss and cockroaches? I’d get a second opinion if I was you.

SB Sez: Mmmmm, mossy cockroach.

3 12 2008
thedailydish

I remember when I was pregnant w/ my older daughter. I started gaining weight like crazy – mostly b/c i was hungry as HELL ALL THE TIME!! and eating whatever I wanted. The doctor made such a fuss – chiding me like I was a child, telling me I was going to be a blimp after birth, etc. She made me start keeping a Food Diary. I have to say, it was one – if not THE MOST humiliating experiences of my life. I had to record every effing thing I ate, like 8 am Bagel. (Though I wasn’t supposed to eat any bread) SCREW THAT. I had the baby, lost the weight and the next time round got a new doctor. One who reassured me that carbs are what your body actually RUNS ON.

Bouncy babe – you will be fine if you keep exercising. Walk whenever possible. I know it’s freezing in Buffalo, but try all the same. Get to the gym 3 times a week (or more) w/out fail. But eat what you want, sensibly. Don’t feel deprived, it’ll make life intolerable.

Good luck babe!

SB Sez: Oh, there is no way I could cut out ALL the carbs, holy moses, I’d freak out. The key is moderation, of which I know nothing about. Say, pass me that blueberry muffin would ya?

3 12 2008
thegnukid

moderation… put down that 5th taco, but still have that 1st serving of spaghetti. apples are for roughage to help digest the bread and pasta… without the bread and pasta, what, then, is the apple for? hmm…

SB Sez: Holy shit, he’s gone straight to plaid!

3 12 2008
fastbackss

Ignored advice…

“Stay away from women.”

SB Sez: Hey now! We’re not all evil! Well, wait…

8 12 2008
Mr. Bill

I also avoid the big four. Exercise, small portions, diet drinks, exercise. Your Mother states “the only thing left for her to eat are fingernails and boogers” (watch out for the boogers, high in sodium).

SB Sez: And where does “moderation” fit in?

9 12 2008
Mr. Bill

I thought YOU were the moderator of this blog site?

SB Sez: Who? Me? Pft, I take no responsibility for anything.

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