It’s a Good Thing I Have Another 361 Days to get it Right

3 07 2008

The following post contains frankness about my moods and involves crying.  If any of this bothers you, please don’t follow the jump.

To say that I am in a mood today would be the tip of the iceberg.

I am beside myself with lividness.
Tactics I’ve tried to de-funkify: Count to 10, count to 20, mock dialog, crying/sobbing, rationalization, silence, ignorance, forgetfulness.
Success rate: 0%

I’m even trying to find the humor in it but it’s like that is making me more mad.
Steve is the root of the problem and whenever I tell him I’m in a funk, he asks why and pretends to listen and then gets all “is that all?”
And frankly, I don’t need that kind of attitude right now.
If/when I call him out on why I am so agitated, I feel like it’s spun so that it’s either not so much of a big deal or it gets turned into a pissing contest (“Well I did XXX.”)

I am on the verge of pulling my hair out and I as I was bawling in the laundry room last night, I half considered driving to Bry-Lyn (that’s a physc hospital) and checking in.

Please, don’t think that Steve’s doing anything abusive to me…. it’s not that at all.  Just in case you’re freaking out… it’s more emotional and selfish then anything else.  And being an emotional person, well, it’s a feather in my cap when people are selfish.

I don’t want to get into dirty laundry with you internets, but sometimes I feel very very very helpless.




One response

3 07 2008

putting things in perspective sometimes helps me. i try to imagine if the problem i’m having today will still bother me next week, next month, next year or 10 years from now. then i act accordingly.

something that will still be bothering me in 10 years needs to be remedied but something i’ll forget about next week doesn’t bother me so much.

will i die as a result of the problem? will someone i love die? see! it’s all about perspective.

i’m sure i didn’t help at all, but i tried. 🙂 *hug*

I have to say, I didn’t really consider taking a perspective view to it… the events that caused me to flip, will they bother me in ten years? Probably not. Good thing we established the “six month rule”; when tifting, you can’t bring up anything that happened more then six months ago.

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