I’m a Cheater.

21 05 2008

Dear XXX,

I have been faithful to you for the past 20-something-ish years now.
Lately though, I am starting to wonder what else there is out there.  Curiosity is getting the best of me and the only thing you’ve changed in the past 20-something-ish years is your address.
I feel as though your chambers are a library.  Drenched in yellows and browns, your once shining resin clock is now yellowing and that cross-stitch in the corner seriously needs a dusting.  While I do not doubt your cleanliness, I wonder about who has been here before me.
And after all these years, you ask me the same questions, to which you already know the answers.   You ask me at the most awkward times, reducing me to a muttering of “uh-huh”.
Do we have bad blood over the pre-Steve?  It’s not that I wanted to send him to you, it’s that I needed to get him out of the house before I tied his testicles to the deck railing and left him out in the snow.
I know that I still have some hard feelings about when you sent me over to see your friend.  Now he was a jerk.   I figured that all of our time together would have lead you to have me see someone else; knowing what I physco I become.  Come to think of it… maybe he wasn’t your friend after all.
You know, speaking of my conditions, I figured that maybe you should have been one of the first ones to notice that something was rotten in Denmark rather then blowing me off.  I often wonder if you wouldn’t have been so rushed if we may have curtailed a lot of this pain and practically permanent damage.
Finally, I know that you run a business and the business of business is to make money.  However, our visits lately have seemed more like a cash grab then a genuine concern for my well-being.  I am a bit apprehensive to see if there’s anything that you may have missed in your hastiness.  I am also excited to see if you weren’t on the mark about some of my other concerns.
It is with this sentiment that I tell you that I am going to cheat on you.
I am going to see a new dentist.
There, I said it.

Sincerely Yours,



3 responses

21 05 2008

I love you. Thank you for this, it was tres amusing.

22 05 2008

Is it amusing because I said testicles?
Or because you know of the testicles in question?

(p.s. My apprehension and excitement were both correct)

22 06 2008

I sincerely hope you sent this letter. A humorous (and slightly vague) letter might soften the message a bit 🙂

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