Two Notes to Fellow Gym Patrons

5 05 2008

Dear Woman Two Treadmills Over,
I had to turn my iPod up to drown you out, not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES because you were trying to talk over the noise of your fit legs and feet stomping on the “superquiet” surface.
I understand that the gym is a public space and you’re welcome to talk on your phone, but I think it’s safe to say that the entire gym heard about your plans for the weekend.
Good luck on your date and I hope you got laid.
– Out of Shape Girl Two Treadmills Over

Dear Woman Who Brought Your Kid into the Women’s Only Area,
First and foremost, if you can’t control your kid, they shouldn’t be in a gym.
I am not a mother, but I do know that boys are instinctively destructive and for this reason, you certainly should not have let him “work out” on machines designed for adults.
And while I’m sure it’s “cute” that your monster bashes the weights down on the abductor, I happen to like to use that machine and if I find out that I can’t use it because the weights are broken, I’m going to crush your head between my thighs and not in any kind of kinky/sensual way.
Secondly, the room that says “Women Only Workout Area” is for women only.  Granted your spawn looked like he could have passed as a girl, but if I wanted some pervert to watch me work-out (I don’t care how old he is, I DO NOT like being watched), I would have hired a trainer.
Do you have any idea how close I was to going to the front desk with your many violations?  Yeah, thisclose.
Let me add that telling your child not to do that (whatever “that” may be at the time) does not constitute discipline.
Keep your brat out of the gym.
– The Girl who was Shooting You Dirty Looks




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