The Past is the Present

19 12 2007

It has been an odd couple of weeks.  It seems as though things/ideas from the past are making more appearances.  Perhaps I just never paid attention to them or there really is a flourish of “I used to…”
I certainly hope this isn’t one of those Christmas Carol things were I get shown the past, present and future.  If my dream last night is an indication, then I’m going someplace warm and leave Bailey in the car (she was okay, don’t worry).

Last week I had a conversation with my friend about concerts.  I had done a pollstar search to see who’s coming to town.  There are a few shows coming up that I was excited to see (Sick of it All, VAST…) but they came with a set of concerns.  1) I don’t want to go alone and no one I know is into the bands I would go see.  2) I don’t have anything to wear to the type of show I would go see.  Petty, I know.  3) An 8 o’clock start with a couple opening bands puts me back home really late on a work night.
So this conversation evolved into the people that we used to be.  We could/would stay out until all hours, we’d go see shows all the time, we dyed our hair very unnatural colors…. you get the gist.
“But aren’t you happier, at least a little, with who you are now?”
Yes, though we wonder what kind of sacrifices we made to be the people we are now.  I know that Stephanie from 10 years ago would probably definitely sneer at Stephanie Now. 

Last night, I was at a party and I FINALLY got to talk to one of the other girls from ballet class.  We talked about how we grew up in the city (that would be Buffalo, not New York).  And now we look at our lives now and wonder what happened.  She didn’t think she would get married, she didn’t think she would have a kid and she didn’t think she’d be living where we are.  I totally relate.   For a long time, I didn’t think I was marriage material (be it the moodswings…), I was hellbent on not having kids (ever) and I’ll be damned if I live in the suburbs and drive an SUV.
She told me that she still runs into her first passionate love and while she still wonders what life would have been like, she knows that things are SO much better now.  “And seeing him [the first love] made me fall all the more in love with my husband.”
There’s only a two people I can think of off the top of my head that if I were to run into I’d probably be floored, but I would go home and hold Steve tighter then usual.
Sure, like everyone else, I wonder what it would be like if things had gone otherwise, but I think about the reasons that things didn’t work out and I realize that this is the way it was meant to be.

The other reminiscent thing is that I’m pulling out some of my old CDs and putting them on my iPod.
Some songs alone conjure up so many memories- specific memories- about times, places and people.
Funny, isn’t it, how a chord can take you back fifteen years?
I’ve decided, that like everyone else, I am going to start posting Musical Memories… Songs and Albums that make me think another time, another place.

So, whoever’s reading this, have you noticed an influx in the past making appearances in the present?




One response

20 12 2007

Every once in a while I get this stabbing little pain in the pit of my stomach – and I realize it’s grief. I’m mourning the person I used to be.

But it only lasts for a few moments, and then it suddenly I appreciate the person I am even more.

I like my life now, but do you ever wonder, as much as you love the person your with, if you’re going to miss falling in love again?

Will you miss having no one to consider but yourself?

Will you miss being able to stop for a drink on the way home from work and not have to worry about the husband/dog/kid at home?

I’m betting that if I hadn’t grown up, if I was still that person with something to prove would I be having thoughts about how I should have grown up, settled down, learned to cook.

Anyway, the holiday period is always the time of year when people start thinking about those types of things. It’s not just you. 🙂

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