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Someone told me that there was a football game on last night.
I was busy trying to drink away my inherited family.
Highlights included, but not limited to:
- MIL standing rightinthedoorway when we arrived with a bag and large crockpot
- Aunt staring me down while stating that “99 degrees is too hot for kids to be in a hot tub” As if I am supposed to know this random fact.
- Another Aunt asking why it was too hot and my reply “because it cooks their brains and then we feast!”. I’m sure you can imagine the look THAT got.
- Jock Jams
- Realizing that a number of items on my iPod are from Jock Jams
- Dial-up interwebs. No, I’m not kidding.
- DrunkenUncles dog continuously humping Steve’s leg
- Under-5 child showing other Under-5 children where the cellar door is, followed by the strict warning not to open the door
- Mispronunciation of “celery” (how? “sal-a-ree”)
- Dry contacts
- Another Aunt’s SUPER CREEPY boyfriend
- That same aunt’s 14-year-old daughter sporting leopard velour pants with a cami and 3/4 of her bra sticking out. AT A FAMILY EVENT.
- Frozen shrimp ring
- Mass confusion over arrangements for family members to attend FRIDAY’S hockey game
- Not winning squares
- 2-1/2 year old pronouncing my name “Ta-eff-an-ee”. Okay, that one was cute.
Okay, here’s a question for you reader(s).
When someone annoys the living snot out of you, how do you deal with it?
I’ve tried the “ah-ha-ha-ha” approach and that doesn’t help. I’ve tried being causally aloof (“k.”), I’ve tried to ignore the commentary but like, I really don’t want to be a bitch (seeing as it’s all office improper and all) but like, my coping mechanisms don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried to engage in conversation hoping that I would be as found as interesting as a piece of used tape….
And this whole thing has got me thinking, what makes people not get along?
I mean, do I blame my parents? My thoughts/raising was if it’s not brought to your attention, it is not for your attention. Everyone has their own thing and if it’s not your thing to take care, you may creatively criticize, but you don’t be a douche about it.
Now for that, could people who bug me have been raised to think, “Make sure everything is taken care of, regardless of whether it’s your responsibility or not”?
Or maybe some people are content making other people want to throw their shoes. Like how the smell of garlic pleases me, maybe irritating people does it for them. (that was totally ambiguous and probably totally confusing)
It’s been a while since I’ve had the whole Am-I-A-Jerk-or-are-You-the-Jerk conflict, but I ‘m guess I’m just looking for the internets to tell me that I’m not entirely crazy, other people have people they deal with that they’d rather put outside on the lawn, and perhaps, I’m the one who is incorrect in my annoyance.
Because, frankly, there are days when I’m at my wit’s end and am so afraid that my thoughts are going to come out as word vomit at the most inappropriate time.
So maybe this is two questions.
A) How do you deal with people who annoy you to the point of wanting to throw a pad of paper at them?
B) Do you find that the way you were raised (ideals-wise) sometimes makes it hard for you to not maim other people with a highlighter?
Dear Fellow Office Inhabitants,
It is 9:15am.
Will someone please explain to me why the coffee pot is empty? Not only is it empty, it’s been rinsed out as if no one else will be drinking coffee today.
A few Christmas’ ago, Steve got me a travel XMradio for the Saturn.
When I got the new vehicle, XM came installed and well, why have two?
Seeing as my subscription expired LAST MONTH, I decided I should re-up.
Rep (obviously not from this side of the ocean, ifyouknowwhatImean): Hello, thank you for calling XM, this is Ed. [this really was the name he gave me, I couldn't make anything like that up] How can I help you?
Me: I need to deactivate a radio and activate another one.
“Ed”, after getting my account info: Do you mind if I call you by your first name?
me: that’s fine.
“Ed”: Okay Steph…
And at this point in the conversation, things go blurry.
Chances are good that if you’re reading this, you don’t know me in real life.
Pet Peeve #75: Calling someone by a nickname, when they introduce themselves to you with a full name.
I.E.: When I meet people, I introduce myself as “Stephanie”. This means that you should call me Stephanie, unless we’re tight and then Steph is acceptable. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should one refer to me as “Steffy” unless your my grandma, you want a kick in the groin or you want me to ignore you. because I will.
I’m not trying to sound like a prissy snot but let’s be honest here, doesn’t Steph sound like an infection (“Sorry Pam, you’ve got steph.”) or something that you would do into a cup at the doctors office (“Okay Pam, please steph into this cup and give it to the nurse.”)?
Anyway…
“Ed”: Would you be interested in two months free on the XM2Go reciever?
me: no.
“Ed”: Really? it’s two months free.
me: Really. I just told you that I have a reciever installed in my vehicle. I don’t need anymore recievers.
“Ed”: But it’s free!
me: NO!
“Ed”: How do you feel about being billed yearly instead of quarterly?
me: No.
“Ed”: Over the course of three years you’d save $109!
me: NOOOO!
“Ed”: Well, okay then Steph.
ARRRGGHHH.
Look here.
Turn on the damn radio.
That is all.
Do not try to give me something I do not need (“Free porcupine with every box of condoms!”)
Do not try to talk me into something when No means NO.
P.S.
If you have the password for the short story page, there’s a very un-finished piece up.
When I started working in an office, the copiers I used would be considered archaic by many; not quite a Gutenberg or a hand crank ditto machine (which I believe were phased out sometime in my middle school days… I must look up to see how the figures play out for the number of kids who loved “new ditto” smell and how many are now coping with mental problems).
Less to say, copiers have com QUITE a long way.
The fancy one we have here double-sides and colors and emails! Huzzah.
It also gets jammed.
However, due to fantastic advances in technology, it has a screen with a diagram that can show you where a jam has occurred. It’s a beautiful thing really.
Nemmie is at the copier which is directly across from my desk, so I can see and hear the copier and/or any beeping or jamming. They feed some papers in, it jams and Nemmie stares at it. Opens a door on the side. Stares. Looks at the screen. Looks back towards the door. Hands on hips. Looks at screen.
This continues for a while and due to my masochistic nature, I like watching people squirm.
Finally, they ask for help.
I walk over, look at the screen. “Open duplex door. Lift green lever and remove paper.” AND, right there, there’s a picture showing the duplex door… opening… and of course, they’re standing right in front of the door, reading over my shoulder (a big no-no) as if my Super Administrative Assistant Powers and Ovaltine Decoder Ring would decipher the cryptic message on the screen.
I open the duplex door. Lift the green lever. Remove two sheets of paper. Close the door. The error clears.
ALLELUIA, IT’S A MIRACLE.
After the jam has been clear, Nemmie thanks me, I welcome back and sit at my desk.
No less then three jams and clears later, they settle for single side copies.
I am a super hero.
I go to top off my coffee and there is half of a small cup.
Grumbling, I pour out my last-of-the-pot and proceed to make a new pot.
A co-worker walks up to me and comments, “Making another pot of coffee?”
I comment back, knowingly, “Yeah, whoever took the last cup didn’t leave enough for the next person, so I’m making a pot.”
“Well, I make the first pot of the morning so it evens out.” and away they go.
Seriously, have you never worked with other people before?
Peeps is sayin'