How to Recognize: Someone Giving you the Brush-off

21 08 2009

I’m walking back from picking up lunch (which was actually breakfast, but that’s a story for another time) when I hear this women hollering, “Hey! HEY! HEY! You, go get her attention!”
And of course, I am Stephanie’s latent paranoia.
I hear footsteps.
***
At this point, I would like it to be known that I AM NOT racist. Just tellin’ it how it is.
***

“Hey.”
I keep walking, thinking how thankful I am that I didn’t pack my purse.
“Hey.”
walking walking walking
“scuze me miss?”
Meanwhile, I’m thinking “fuckin’ hobos…”
“Miss, scuze me.”
I turn around with The [soon to be] Patented Look of Death. “Yes?!”
“Can I talk to you for a minute?”
Meanwhile, I’m thinking, “fuckin’ Scientologists!”, but nicely mention, “Sorry, on my way back to the office!”, and smile and increase the pace.
“Well, I can walk and talk to you.”
“I’m in a rush… gotta get back…”
“What’s your name?”
“Britney.” (ah, the infamous go to name)
“I’m Remy. You got a man?”
Great, now I’m thinking, “Heaven help me if he asks my rate…”, but answer, “Yes. Yes I do.”
“Oh.” he says, pouting. “I see. Jus’ wanted to tell you that you’re looking fine.”
***
At this point, I’d like to point out that I have not one, but two monstrous blemishes on my chin, I’m in a heather/purple polo and a pair of jeans that are just a bit too loose. I am wearing my glasses today and my hair isn’t keeping a part. My eyeshadow has loosened over my lower eyes, pronouncing my bags. Let’s stop there and say that I know I do not look fine today.
***

“Why thank you! That’s very flattering!”
“Flattering?! Shit, I ain’t heard that expression in a long time!”
“Ah. ha.ha.ha.”
“You must be married.”
“That I am.”
“Yeah, only married chicks use words like ‘flattering’.”
“Ah. ha.ha.ha.”
“So can I call you sometime?”
“No. Thanks though.”
“Can I give you my number?”
“Aw. Gee. You know what, I don’t have anything to write on…” I’m still walking, BTW.
“How ’bout I give you my digits and you can hit me up and we can go out sometime, you know, as friends, out of respect to your man.”
“Yeah, see, I have nothing to write on and I can’t really take personal numbers on my work phone.”
“Well, here, I got a pen, I’ll write it on the bottom part of my bonus check here…”
“Aw. well, gee. Um…”

As I commented on Facebook, “I didn’t realize my ass looked THAT big in these jeans.”


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14 responses

21 08 2009
daisyfae

you could have whacked him with a sausage biscuit… holy crap, that’s one persistent dude!

24 08 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

Ugh, I know, right… I figured I was seconds away from a 7-to-Nuts.

21 08 2009
morethananelectrician

Too funny about your ass comment. You see where a funny statement could be misunderstood as something different by someone reading it…but that is truely funny and the perfect punchline to a story. It would get a laugh on any stage.

24 08 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

Ah, thanks… I guess the more people try to pick me up, the more stories I’ll have.

22 08 2009
Dennis the Vizsla

“Only married chicks use words like ‘flattering’?” Really? I didn’t know they handed out special dictionaries to women when they get married. My wife has been holding out on me …

24 08 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

You didn’t get yours at the reception? Hm, it must be behind the mustard. In the fridge. No, not there. On the door. ON the door. Behind the hot sauce. No, no, mustard’s in the yellow bottle.

24 08 2009
connie

did you know that diet coke can burn the insides of your nose????!!!!!

24 08 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

*snicker*
I do now!
So, you had a “friend” who snorfed?

26 08 2009
cantabile

I was once stalked by a lady on the subway because I “didn’t look like the type of person that would swear.” At least, that’s what she kept telling me.

26 08 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

ugh. Creepy… you can set her up with Remy.

26 08 2009
Tony

Maybe you shoulda just kicked him in the nuts. That usually works, see how flattering that makes him feel

26 08 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

hahahaha.
Oh, yeah, I was wondering if I should have been looking for the 5-0.
And of course, the whole walk back to the office I was looking over my shoulder.

29 08 2009
gitwizard

Hi Steph, just discovered your blog today via GnuKid via Nurse Myra.
Great post. But that must have been scary. Or does that sort of encounter happen all the time on your side of the pond?

30 08 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

welcome to the fray.
I wouldn’t say it happens all the time, just enough to be annoying and comical.

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