Dear Brain,

Dear Brain,

For around 29 years now, there have been fingers at the end of the hands.
Please be more mindful of them because you’ve unwittingly misplaced the third one in six months and now my pinky is all purple and swollen.
I know that you know that there are nerves in said fingers and that I am a ten-finger-typer.
Your mindlessness towards my digits has become quite annoying, not to mention painful.
If you keep this up, the liver will be talking with you next as it’s once again processing a pain reliever.

Thank You,

Stephanie

A Quick Lesson in Common Office Items

To Whom It May Concern:

Ones desk does not qualify as an in-box when one has an in-box on his or her desk.
If you have an item which requires action, you may explain it to the actionee and then place it in the in-box.  If it’s something that does not require explanation (because it is either self-explanatory or something that the actionee deals with all the time) you can just put it in the in-box.
Placing it on the desk or waving it in front of a person until they take it from you and places it in the in-box is not a reasonable action.

Also, let’s clarify “junk faxes”.  Anything offering vacations, insurance, “special pricing today only” and basically anything that you (being person in question) leave RIGHT NEXT TO THE MACHINE instead of dropping it in the trash can, located directly UNDER the fax machine, is a junk fax.  It will be thrown out by an annoyed co-worker.  Save everyone the under-the-breath-swearing.  Everyone else knows what a junk fax is.  Follow suit please.

And finally, your mailbox has your name on it. Unless you’re someone else, do not take items out of other people’s mailbox.  Related, if there is something delivered and it is not forwarded on to you, it is not yours.  If it does not have your name on it, it is not yours.  If you do not know what it is, it is not yours.  Next time you do that, I hope a bunch of spring snakes (akin to the ones found in jars of “mixed nuts”) come out at you.

Doodle Doodle Doodle

My internetfriend, CurlyWurlyGurly, is holding a doodle contest for National Doodle Day.
Information regarding Doodle Day and it’s FABULOUS prizes can be found in this post.

My entry is my rendition of this cake:

(Take a small box of vanilla pudding and mix it with 20 oz. of undrained crushed pineapple.  Fold in a tub of whipped topping.  Cut an angel food cake into three layers.  Layer the pineapple concoction between the cake and refrigerate for at least an hour.  Top with berries.)

And here’s how mine turned out:

This would be my lopsided cake.  The things sticking out of the cake are the bamboo skewers I used to try to keep the cake from sliding off my plate.  This was after about half of the pineapple stuff ended up on the counter.  Ends up that angel food cake, being all spongy and whatever, doesn’t take to typical stabilization methods.
I pout to Steve.  “My cake [in the fridge] doesn’t look anything like the picture.”
“Oh, THAT’S what that is!”

Despite it’s looking like something from a nightmare, it’s good.  Damn good.

tseniF sti ta a aixelsyD

At the Tim Hortons drive-thru….

me: uh, yeah, I’d like one of those “bleets” with no tomato.
Order Taker: A bleet?
me: yeah, a bleet, no tomato.
OT: What’s a bleet?
me: That bagel, egg, lettuce, tomato thing you advertise.
OT: Do you mean a “belt”*
me: oh.  yeah.  a belt.

* Acronym: Bagel, Egg, Lettuce, Tomato Sammich…. BELT… yeah..