Recipe Attempt: Slow Cooker Beered Pork Chops

As you may know by now, Wednesday night is Slow Cooker Night at mi casa.
In a never-ending quest to change up the menu for a man who can (and would) eat chicken wings seven days a week, two meals a day, for a month (or more), I opted to try Beer Pork Chops.

Steve and I have been together for the better part of seven years and in this time, I have NEVER cooked pork.  The closest I came is bacon and, well, if you were subjected to the bacon muffins, you know how that came out.
Fact is, I hate pork.  Granted I’m not big on animal carcass in the first place, but pork and Stephanie do not mesh.  Unless it’s bacon, then we’re kinda cool.

So I set-up the slow cooker with the following:

• Pork chops (I made four, thinking that Steve’s classmate would be eating as well, so all proportions are for four chops)
• 4 Molson Canadians (I Steve suggest halving this)
• 1 can of cream of chicken soup, whisked into the beer
• 1 packet of sodium-free beef bouillon (you can use 2 cubes or chicken or any combination)
• The end of a jar of jalapenos
• A hearty amount of Frank’s Hot Sauce
• Sprinklings of the following: garlic/onion/chili powder, chili flakes, montreal seasoning, seasoned salt, pepper

I thought I set the cooker for 8 hours on low (same thing I thought I did last week).

Good thing I went home.
The cooker was blinking like it hadn’t been set at all (thought I could have sworn that I heard it click on).
I placed the chops and liquid into a pan and brought to a boil.
Seeing as I don’t know when chops are done, I stuck one with a thermometer and it went to 140 degrees.  The chops had been boiling for a good ten minutes.
According to the thermometer, the boiling liquid was also 140 degrees and the thermometer now resides in the trash.
“How do you tell when pork is done?”, I ask Steve.
“When they’re done.”  Which is the same answer that I got from his friend, who then changed his story to say that it’s when they’re gray.  (how totally appetizing!)

According to Steve, the chops were done, but a bit too beery.  Imagine that.  Too Beery.  I never thought the day would come.

Stephanie overdoes things.

Mystery Solved

If any/all of you have been wondering where my sense of wit comes from, perhaps this email banter will answer any questions.
(It’s worth mentioning that I live in Western New York and my parents live in southern Arizona and have been for the better part of four years)
——
From: stephanie
To: Dad
Subject: Clothing to Goodwill

I’m knee deep in spring cleaning mode and just wanted to make sure (again) that your long black dress coats and winter jackets are okay to purge.
I can’t remember what you said last time and my luck, I’d donate then and you’d need them for who-knows-what.

From: Dad
To: stephanie
Subject: re: Clothing to Goodwill

Hello our WONDERFUL daughter,)

If it is my Cashimer coat, you should do it in a garage sale and keep the $ as a storage fee. 
Yes every thing else you can do with as you please, maybe a “Huge Yard Sale” “Buy this Shit my Parents Left”.  We do want the momentos (not to be confused with Mentos(C)) and photos (who would want photos of me besides TMZ )  Good luck with the sale and let us know how much you made.